help me !! my wife stopped having sex with me, and I dont know why!!?

Question

I am 36 years old , and she is 35. These last 3-4 years have been really tough for me . my wife thinks having sex every three months is still to much. she looks at it like a job!!!! I have no idea what to do, I never force her into doing anything,or even press the issue. to her, I think it's dirty I don't know!! when she decides to have sex with me she tells me " I have to get drunk first!!!!" whats that all about??? yeah, that makes me feel real good!! she is a house wife does not have to work, we only have 1 child "3" ,own our home, money in the bank, and all I ask of her is to take care of me!!! what should I do??

Answer 1

Its time to seek marriage counseling for the ability to be communicate with each other and as well I would have her seek for medical reasonings to. She may have a hormonal imbalance and can be fixed with medication. OB/GYN should be able to help in that factor. But really do think about marriage counseling, sounds like the marriage is in need of repair.

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

Poor you, this is a difficult one without knowing your wife's reason for this. You don't say as to whether she used to have a stronger sexual appetite or whether this is a recent thing. Maybe she feels less attractive since the birth of your child, she could be scared of getting pregnant again, there's a possibility that she is depressed, this can seriously affect one's sex drive, she may also be tired, a 3 year old can be hard work. My advice is for you to keep telling her that she's gorgeous, help her around the house and with your child. You need to woo her and then give the best sexual experience of her life , without meaning to sound crude try lots of foreplay, kissing her all over and also oral sex - you hit the right spot and she'll be begging for more.
You sound such a kind man, be understanding and I truly hope things improve for you both. Don't get too obsessed by this otherwise you will lose your ability for spontaneity.

Answer 3

You guys need some professional counseling, you can't get to the bottom of this by yourself. The issues probably have nothing to do with you personally, but more to do with what is going on inside herself. She has a 3 year old and maybe she doesn't feel as good about herself as she used to. But whatever it is you need help as a couple. Seriously, do it for your marriage and your child.

Answer 4

Please go to marriage counseling and talk things out! You sound resentfjul, like you have done everything and don't appreciate what she does ("she is a house wife and does not have to work"), so she is probably resentful, too. You have a child, so you need to make every effort to salvage things! Sex is most definitely a part of a complete, loving, marriage, and you are right to expect that it will be there - but something else is wrong! (Not necessarily that she is cheating on you - don't buy that.) Hang in there - work it out - Good Luck!

Answer 5

Well, sounds like she has issues- she may have things from you- but that is not what most women want, or need. They want affection, and to be understood. Some wives feel like they are ignored u
ntil spouse wants sex, and feel like a piece of meat.She thinks sex is dirty?? May be she was raised that way- and they forgot to tell her it was blessed in marriage. or- was molested-that can really distort sex-counseling and talking may help- take care- D

Answer 6

When you say she does not have to work, you must mean outside of the home because taking care of a home & children IS work. Alot of women are tired and sex is not the first thing on their minds.

Also, most newlyweds are having sex more often than those who have been married for a long time. It's normal for sex frequency to go down after so many years of marriage.

When you say you want her to take care of YOU, maybe thats part of your problem. Why not focus more on HER? If she is really enjoying it, she might want to do it more often.

Answer 7

I do have similar problem! I have a normal family life otherwise! At least your wife says that she feels it is like job, I think she may become ready for counselling session. Mine is the worst case, my wife is an adamant medico, who is teaching in first year of medical school! Get her some tests done - FREE T3, T4, TSH, BSL, Serum Oestrogen & Progesterone levels. Rule out possibility of Tuberculosis. Is she on any Anti-Hypertensives? If all tests are normal, then both of you should go for Sexology Counselling!

Answer 8

There is something really heavy on her mind. Ask her. I cannot believe that a 30-35-year old wouldn't be interested all of a sudden. It is possible that she feels very neglected and unappreciated for years. Her mind is elswhere, not on you, because it is not possible to keep it on you and have sex at the same time.

"She has to take care of you" - there is a problem with this statement. Maybe she feels she turned into your mom. You're big boy, supposed to take care of yourself. Do you take care of her?

Answer 9

When's the last time you brought her flowers "just because"? Took her out for a special dinner? Bought her something sparkly? Did the dishes, or made supper? She has to know she is cared for, and loved, and cherished - not just your vessel.

Answer 10

YOUR WIFE MAY NOT BE SEXUALLY ATTRACED TO YOU, SO KEEP THAT IN MIND. IF I HAVE TO GET DRUNK BEFORE I HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE, IT'S BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO IT. MAYBE YOUR WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE ELSE SO YOU HAVE A REASON TO BE WORRIED AND CONCERNED. YOU NEED TO SIT HER DOWN AND TRY TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THE SITUATION AND GET ANSWERS FROM HER. WHY DOES SHE FEEL THE WAY SHE DO. MAYBE YOUR NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. SO CHECK IN TO THAT REAL SOON.