a horrific accident and was severly brain damage to the point of no return....and you had two small children...and his family said.."we are sorry, but we can't take care of him...due to we have our own families...so sorry!"...Now he is become very difficult to take care of ....this man USE to be your husband but is now a child...Since she had two children I would think about putting him in a state home ...so i could try to raise the children...Plus it is becoming frustrating for YOU>>.in other words it is NOT good for you...Would you put your husband in a home if he did not know you!!!!??? honest answers only please!!! PLEASE DON"T say you need to stay for better or for worse...NOW THIS IS A WORST CASE SCENERIO....It is not FAIR TO HER!!!!!
2006-09-17 18:40:07 · 31 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you can only do what you are able to do. You can find a very good home to place him in and go visit him frequently. He will be able to get the care that is good for him, plus physical therapy and other things that you are just not able to do. The nursing staff is trained to keep him from getting bed sores, etc. Things that only one person can not physically and emotionally do alone. I had a patient once that this happened to and I was there for her when she was first injured. Years later, I came acrossed her in a home and her family had placed her in a good home, decorated her surroundings and visited and placed photos frequently. She had the mentality of a child and was happy and well taken care of and her children had their father to take care of them in the way that he would not have been able to had he tried caring for her too. Let yourself off of the hook. You are not a bad person because you are not able to handle it all. It's ok. God bless you and your family.
2006-09-17 18:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by oneradnursey 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it would be, I would put him into a home. I say this because my mum and myself (& brothers) were in the same situation concerning my dad. I watched as i t aged my mother trying to take care of him and the terrible toll that it had on my mum. If somthng like this happens (and it happens every day to someone) putting them into a home that has the appropriate care and nursing staff takes a huge emotional burden off the family members. There is nothing wrong with you seeing your husband every day or every other day and the children would be able to better cope with what they are seeing concerning their dad. The children would be able to ask questons of the doctors and nurses concerning their dad and how he is the way he is. It's not a matter of having to stay "for better or worse", it's a matter of giving your husband the best professional care possible. Im sorry to hear that your going through this, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to get the right people involved to help you. You need to take care of the children and take care of you and getting the right people involved will take a unbelievable amount of trauma and worry off of everyone's shoulders.
2006-09-17 18:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by Linda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear this. But his family is correct. It is her responsibility. She is the spouse. Is there anyway that someone could come in and take care of him? The do have a program called Hospis (I do not know how it is spelled.) :( They have nurses that can come in and help you with everything including cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and also her husband. Have her check into the state and see what she can find out. And yes it is for better or worse. So yes I will say it. You have to take the good with the bad. I am again very sorry to hear this. God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. It may feel like it, but that is only because we didn't ask for his help in the problem. But, if it were my husband I would take care of him. No question there.
God Bless to you, her and the family.
2006-09-17 18:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well I don't really know what I would do in her place. But I can tell you what happened to me. My sisters have been completely disabled since birth, dependant on us for feeding, bathing, cleaning...everything and we've taken care of them for the last 22 years. I've woken up to feed them before school, bathe them in my lunch hour and come home in the evening for more rounds of feeding, changing etc. and most of the time they'd keep us awake a t night (still do) with their teething and earaches and fevers. My mom and I were the ones who took care of both my sisters, we never had any external help or any family member who bothered. It wasn't fair on us but then again, who said life is supposed to be fair? And guess what, my Mom and I are still at it while I've gone through medical school and become a full time doctor. I can honestly say that we've never considered placing my sisters in state care because I know how pathetic state care can be and I would never wish it on any member of my family. We're still at it and I think that my sisters are really worth it!
2006-09-17 19:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've already made your decision, and your looking for reassurance from an answer here. That being said, I would do it, too. It takes a special kind of person to stay with thier spouse under those circumstances, and I would say less than 1% of us fall into that category.
I actually met someone in a similar situation. They were newlyweds when he got in his accident, but 10 years later, they were still together. She was his pillar in the wind. In a strange way, I felt jealousy toward him. He has an amazing woman.
2006-09-17 18:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you understand your husband's personality and character? If yes, what do you think he would have done if it was you who is this stage of disability. If you think it is fair to put him in a state home, so be it ... because at least he is been taken care of and you can move on with life with your 2 children. That doesn't mean that you don't care for him anymore. You still have to visit him etc. You must set an example to your kiddies and let them know that he is their dad and you are his wife. Stay strong together. That's make you a perfect wife and a perfect mother.
2006-09-17 18:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by Nice Guy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow .. that is extremely tough. Needless to say I am married to a soldier, there comes a lot of risk especially when he is @ war. I would do everything in my power to provide a loving, caring home as well care for him. I know it would be difficult but isn't part of the vows of marriage - in sickness and health. As well for better or worse. There will be moments that I am sure it will be hard to balance his well being and the children. But you will find away to make it work. I wouldn't ask other family members to take care of him solely but they should be able to come help. So I would ask for support from friends and family. Checking into getting a home nurse to help as well with responsibilities.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-17 18:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I always thought of that,if possible I lways thought I would hire a nurse to take care of the hard work,but take care of him too and be there for him,its not fair to him and not his fault but you have to focus on the kids and all,so if you cant do that than ya have him in a home where you can always go there and still take care of him there. thats a very rough situation Im so sorry.
2006-09-17 19:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by alwayssmiling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question to answer but personally I would do what's best for him and my children, whether that means keeping him at home and having hired help or sending him to a different home where he will be better taken care of. I will NOT abandon him, that's for sure.
2006-09-17 18:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree that it is not fair to her to stay.. I guess a lot of it would depend on the relationship they shared earlier. Me being me, a home would be an option I would definitely look at but yes I guess that again brings us to the point of its a personal decision. its what she has to live with. All of us can be objective but that's not going to help her emotional state. But yes she does need to make her children a priority and she does need to have a lot of guts and good wishes... Praying for her to have the strength to face this. God bless
2006-09-17 18:48:46 · answer #10 · answered by Ice mother 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋