Any advice on this?

Question

What should I do? What do you think about this? I met this guy about 3 mos. ago, we met on the phone (business relatated) we became very acquainted with each other 4 mos before meeting, we fell in love, but he witheld important information about himself, health related problems, he gets very sick at times and says he almost died 4 times before, I've only seen him 7 times & we attend a class together every week, I've waited for him to come around, we do some biz. together & talk almost every day, but somehow, something comes up & we don't see each other, I have feelings for him still, though he is not that attractive, we are very compatible, he talked about marriage before & I can't wait for him any longer, I feel very lonely and bad, I have a good career & financial situation and I'm not unattractive, but I find myself spending weekends on end by myself at home, I want to re-marry, I don't like being alone. I've prayed for a husband, I cry over this.

I'm very confused every day. What would you do?

Need advice,not condemnation, intelligence has nothing to do with emotions, the most intelligent peoople go through things like that, I'm not implying I'm it.

When I ask him, when are you going to come over, he says soon, but he is been sick, he has a very big problem with his kidneys & sometimes can't even talk late on the phone, he falls asleep.

I think he doesn't make a move, because he thinks, I'm not going to stay with him or seeing other men, and we go on a mary go around & he doesn't tell me exactly how he feels, what if I do & get a bad answer, so we keep going in circles, nobody says anything for fear of something, I can't tell him, if he is not straight forward on what he wants

He talked about wanting to be married to me, I'd never say that.

Answer 1

id move on over him. dont waste your time with someone so...weird. you dont need to spend your weekends and life alone and crying, honey. Please treat yourself better than that.

Answer 2

You've met this guy face to face only 7 times and are already talking about marriage?

First rule of engagement - when you go out with men, don't raise the subject of marriage until you've been seriously dating for at least 6 months (unless he mentions it, of course). I don't count telephone or internet contact as dating.

If you discuss marriage sooner, you are pretty much guaranteeing you will be dumped, because a man will immediately fear you don't really want him for himself, you are only looking for a meal ticket or someone to give you babies.

Now to this relationship. If HE brought up the subject of marriage when you discussed it, perhaps that's not the reason for his hesitation. .

I don't think it's a bad sign that he hid his illness from you at first. To me, it suggests that he really likes you, and was afraid that you would dump him if you knew of his ill health. Other girlfriends may have done that to him. If you acted shocked or upset when he told you, he may think that you are not accepting of it and so there's no future for your relationship. He's probably expecting you to dump him now, which is why he's avoiding a meeting.

Finally, a word about attitude. You say you've waited for him to come around and are spending weekends on end at home. Stop it, now. NEVER sit at home just because you hope he'll call/come around. You can use a phone - ring him and ask him if he's planning to call. That way you don't have to put your life on hold. Enrol in some evening classes, arrange to go to the movies with friends or family, make sure you have a full life even without a husband.

And if this relationship doesn't work out, get on the internet and enrol in some online dating sites. There are a lot of men out there in exactly the same situation as you - not into the club and pub scene and with no idea how to meet a potential partner. There was a question posted recently about whether it was possible to meet your future husband online dating, and you would have been surprised to see how many people responded to say "yes, I met my husband that way and we're happy". Including me.

Answer 3

Well, hun, it is so easy for others on here to judge over a brief post of emotional distress. And to your defense when it comes to matters of the heart, love and emotional attachments our intelligence has very little to do with our decisions. And Uncle Al probably gave the best advice but since you did ask I will put my two cents into the pot.

First, you must sit down and decide what it is you want with this man. If you love him, if you want to progress the relationship, and in your case can you deal with his illness on a day to day. Next, if you decide that you do want to proceed on and progress the relationship you will need a game plan. Only you can figure the detail out but decide how you want approach the subject. Maybe you need to be the aggressive one in the relationship. And lastly, at some point you need to confront him on the issues you have and get the answers whether or not they what you want to hear.

Good Luck and Best Wishes

Answer 4

If he withheld that information, he is not going to be open to you about other things and therefore he is not trustworthy. Sorry, but I would say to drop him. You have already had a bad marriage, don't get into another one. Try to be more selective in the people you choose and make sure you are not going for the same type of person that you married the first time. I'm sure the right person is still out there for you, just don't jump too soon.
Good luck

Answer 5

So you are waiting for someone that is a lier and possibly a cheat. If he is not making time to see you, he probably is married or has another girlfriend. He could well be lying about that also. It is very suspicious that it never works out that you see each other. Keep praying for a husband, but keep this man as a business only acquaintance. Good luck.

Answer 6

There really is no easy answer to this, and for that I'm very sorry.

However, the very fact that you're asking this question leads me to believe that you're considering moving on from this man, and I believe you know that in doing so, it will take an emotional toll on both yourself and on him.

Still, you want to re-marry, spend time getting to know someone (another possible mate), and weekend time sounds very important to you. You have to ask yourself what really matters to you, whether your current love is enough to weather potential life-long storms with this man... and then take that answer and follow your heart. There is no right or wrong answer here, and no one will judge you poorly for wanting to move on.

It sounds like you've worked hard to get where you are, and you deserve someone that is the best for you. I suggest you simply make a list of:
- those things that are essential in a man (specific looks, or finances, or ability to be with you on the weekends while dating, or whatever)
- those things that are desirable in a man but are more like "nice-to-haves"
- those things that you certainly DON'T want in a man

Chances are you won't find Mr Perfect, but at least you'll know (and have it on paper) what you want. You'll be able to see how your current guy stacks up.

Good luck!

Answer 7

You have to get straight with him, tell him exactly what you have told all of us, and if then and only then he can not give you a straight honest answer, tell him to please lose your number and move on, you seem like a really great person, intelligent, nice looking, good job, no money problems, a lot of guys would love to meet you, just tell him life is short he should know if he almost died 4 times, got to be your way or the Highway! Good luck!

Answer 8

If something always comes up, I would say that is a serious clue about how he feels about you. After seeing each other 7 times, you discussed marriage and he still doesn't have time for you?

Loneliness is a terrible companion and can cause people to make very poor decisions about their life. You need to look elsewhere for a husband that is straightforward, honest, and completely truthful and wants to be with you.

Answer 9

ask yourself.. Can I forget him and move on, or will I regret burning this bridge.And you will have your answer. He was brought into your life for a reason. You need to be honest because men fail to read between the lines. They need to be told/asked things straight out. If you have troubles doing that, write him a letter.If he could be your husband you should be able to tell him anything and express all your feelings and not feel awkward or judged.

Answer 10

it's this macho thing that men have. we usually don't want to let girls know that we are feeling something bad or suffering from something.

it would be hard if you marry him because of the health problems he has. but if you REALLY love him, then what's stopping you? also i don't see any reason why you are rushing to get married. enjoy being single. be yourself. be nice. be sociable. the time for it will arrive. i,ve known a lot of people who rushed into marriage only to seperate after a few months.

you say that you always pray for this. you will get what you pray for. 'IN GOD'S TIME'

Answer 11

Every one of us is designed for relationship. It is at the core of our purpose. Remember Tom Hanks in Cast Away? He was in a little spot of paradise, but all by himself. It was pure hell.

Don't ever let the fear of failure or fear of rejection keep you from risking the reward of relationship and i don't care if the relationship is friendship with neighbors and co-workers or that all important ONE. Be who you were created to be - a person who needs people, so be willing to take risks when it comes to relationships.