I try to love my wife. I respect her. I care for her. I try my best to be a good husband to her. It's all for not. She just isn't interested in me anymore. She says things to me to build walls in our relationship and I don't know how to tear them down. She just keeps beating me up verbally. I'm at the point now that I know I deserve better. I don't want to lose our marriage but I can feel myself getting cold hearted. She abuses my trust and constantly is telling me everything I've done wrong since we got married (10 years ago). I'm sick of it. How can I break this trend?
2006-09-17 17:15:08 · 38 answers · asked by RedC. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. It sounds like this has been going on for awhile now, and you two have no idea how to get off of this rollercoaster gone out of control. This is not something that can be fixed on Yahoo answers. You two need to seek counciling, if not to repair the marragie, to at least mutually decide to split up without hard feelings, especially if there are children involved. I pray that you can fix this.
2006-09-17 17:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by The Nag 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds from you that you are trying to understand what's going on... but have you really looked at yourself to see if you might be contibuting to her distancing. I'm not trying to beat you up either but sometimes we get busy with our work or interests or routines and fail to "spice it up". She could have someone already though and if that is the case she is already lost to you. But if not; have you tried having a date once a week with her as adult time; no kids or other people; just go out like you were dating to a dinner, movie; dancing...whatever...and get a little of that romance and "spice" that you had while you were dating back. Remember: you got married for a reason..hopefully the right one! Don't throw away what love you may still have; and if you have children...WORK EVEN HARDER!!! God bless and I hope it all works out.
2006-09-17 17:33:43 · answer #2 · answered by eileenmaxxam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you will have more luck then me. I've been sticking around for 19 years. Even my kids are telling me to leave him. (I'm the flip side of you) I've tried therapy twice and nothing has changed.
I suggest both: counciling... then splitting up. At the very least, separate for a while. See how you each feel w/o the other.
Listen to your question... try to love, care for... try my best... I think you know it's over but you are scared. I'm terrified. He's all I've ever known (besides my parents). Lifestyle.. routines... habits... Which you do value more. The routines and her abuse or peace. Your call.
2006-09-17 17:26:48 · answer #3 · answered by Valeria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, u have to find out what it is she wants out of this marriage. Tell her how u feel, how she's broken u down for so long that u feel there's nothing left to go on. Ask if she will be interested in going to marriage counseling together to work on the issues. If she refuses to go and resumes her old ways, it's probably best that u start looking out for yourself as u can't have a successful marriage if only one spouse is working on it.
2006-09-17 17:37:47 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry buddy to have to tell you this but if you are writing this in California and you have been married for ten years, you're paying alimony for the rest of your miserable ******* life. If you were just rounding up and the ten year mark hasn't hit then get the **** out now before the ten year mark hits! If in fact you have been married past ten years and are in danger of paying alimony for life then I would recommend transfering all your community property into your one account and leave the ****** country. I personally like Europe myself. Live in Europe, start over. If you don't have the balls to leave the country and do not want to lose everything in a divorce then just stick it out. Just lose yourself in your work, come home late, drink on the weekends have a girl on the side. Let her berate you all she wants, in return buy her lots of sweets so that she becomes a fat hog; if she is going to ruin your life you mine as well pay her the back the fabor by ruining her life. DO NOT HAVE KIDS.
2006-09-17 17:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not losing your wife, (10 years) you have lost your wife.I had a problem like that several years ago. You will not be able to save the marriage, no matter what you do. Just ask her if she wants to end it but do it with out anger. Next time, make sure you and your next lady spend time together going to church.
2006-09-17 17:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by ageless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kind of sounds like your wife just wants to move on period. Tell her that you guys should take some time a part, Just to have her see what emotions are still there. I don't have a clear cut solution for you. It could be she's cheating (hope not) and wants to blame you so people cant look down on her...In any case, GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-17 17:20:20 · answer #7 · answered by nctarheels1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A weekend away with just the two of you to just talk.
If that does not work, then try counseling,
If she is unwilling to do either, talk to a lawyer.
Married 12 years: wife picked #1 and #2. Still married.
Good luck.
2006-09-17 17:18:49 · answer #8 · answered by JaMoke 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two books: Getting the Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix
and the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. They are both easy reads and make you think totally differently than you had before. Good luck, that stinks, You must deep down love her to try to stay in and make it right.
2006-09-17 17:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by downtown girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a deadline to your self. Tell her you need to seriously talk and if she continues to act that way, then ask her to go to counseling or straight out ask if she wants you and this marriage anymore. If not, don't waste your time anymore either. Move on and find someone else. When you do, you will wonder why you already wasted so much time.
2006-09-17 17:29:27 · answer #10 · answered by AveGirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋