My wife has been keeping what she says iis a friendly relationship with a single man. How should I feel?

Question

She kept in contact with this person, even after they stop working together. She then referred him for a job where she worked. From how I see it she kept the contact going. They know speak on a regular basis, by phone, email etc. I spoken to her about it, she does not seem to care how I feel and insist it is a friendly relationship. We now go to the church that he invited her to. Today after church she to our kids to his house and spent over three hours there, I was at work when she came to pick me up my son told me where they were. Am I wrong to feel disrespected.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound kosher.....

Answer 2

Well, an ultimatum as someone mentioned is not the way to solve this. Most of the time the person it is directed at becomes deffensive and tends to go into a "fight or flee" mode. I would sit her down after the children have gone to bed and have a heart to heart discussion with her. Let her know that even though she says it is only a frienship it is coming across as more than that. Also, you have to ask yourself if you have any evidence of it being anything other than friends. Have your children told you that they witnessed anything or it is your own insecurities and imagination running away with you? Any strange secretive phone calls or emails? Or does she not hide any of it. I am not taking her side on it, I am just telling you that before you let her know that you don't trust her and this friend together you need to have really good reasoning behind it, along with supporting evidence. I am a married woman, and for the longest time I had issues with my husbands ex wife even being here when I wasn't to drop off their son or pick him up. I grew out of that, and I also have male friends that my husband used to be jealous of, but he grew out of that as well. Basically you need to let her know how all of it feels and ask her to be honest and tell you how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You both need to get everything out in the open. Communication is the key ingredient in marriage.

Answer 3

This is what you need to do. Find out as much information about him as possible. Where he works, what hours? Where he regularly goes to eat, who his friends are, what he does for fun. What is his family like???
Once you have aquired as much information as possible you must stalk him for 3 weeks. it is important that you stalk him for as long as possible and find out his daily routines. When you are comfortable with his every move you must lay in wait inside his house. Wait until he is alone and there are no witnesses. Get into his house by opening a window or picking a lock. Hide somewhere where you cannot be found, and once he falls asleep use chloroform on a rag to knock him unconscience, then take a plastic bag and put it over his head secured by a zip tie. once you are sure he is dead, put him in your trunk and drive him to the nearest 2000 feet deep or more mine shaft. take handcuffs and cuff his leg to a 45 lb dumbell and throw his body down the shaft. These shafts usually have a few hundred feet of water at the bottom. this will ensure that his body will never be recovered. after your crime is complete you will not have to worry about his meddling, and you can go about your beautiful relationship. Hope this helps, if you need more counseling look up my book entitled "The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by Ford Fjord"

Answer 4

In marriage, trust for each other should always be present for without it, the relationship becomes weak. Trust your wife about what she is doing. After all, marriage should not put an end to friendship. It's possible that your wife and that man really found true friendship between them. That is why it will really be difficult for them to end it just because you don't understand them.

If you want to have peace within yourself, just give your wife the benefit of your doubt. For as long as she is open to you about their friendship and you don't discover anything suspicious between them, let them be friends. True friends are treasures in one's life. May be, that's how your wife looks at it.

I don't think that you should feel disrespected with what she did about bringing your kids to her friend's house. Just take it as a casual move on her part, nothing more, for if you put color into it, doubt and suspicion will prevail which may be detrimental to your marriage.

Now, the only time that you really should have a heart-to-heart talk about her friendship with that man is when you find out that there really is something special going on between them. With that, you should try to save your marriage by asking her what in that man drives her away from you. From her answer, you can do what is necessary to make her decide in your family's favor.
Good luck.

Answer 5

You are right to feel disrespected. The two of you are in the marriage together and if one person is feeling disrespected then this feeling needs to be resolved. It doesn't matter whether they have something going on or not, it makes you feel uncomfortable so she should cease this relationship with this guy. Your wife should care about your feelings.

I can think of no reason why a married woman needs to be this involved with another man. And she certainly shouldn't be involving the kids in the relationship. Sit down with her and tell her how you feel AGAIN about this relationship. If she disrespects you on this matter, what else is she doing? I am not sure she understands "boundaries".

Answer 6

This may not be an act of adultery but nevertheless your wife is in viollation of trust and infidelity in her heart. And sooner or later it may cross over into something more serious, simply by the fact that it has gone on for a spell. It has become a pattern of thinking that has been forming for some time.
But there is always a reason. Perhaps she sees something in this guy that she can't see in you. But , she married you and there must have been a time when she saw something in you that she needed and wanted. People change through the years and sometimes we become neglectful of the people to whom we should be aware of. Maybe your wife has problems that have escaped you because you haven't taken the time to notice and try to help. Have you become so involved with your work that you've taken her for granted. If that be the case that would definetly drain the excitement out of your marriage. It is absolutely essential to a woman that her husband be aware of her as a person, not only as a mother and housewife.
Sometimes a man forgets that little things mean a lot to a woman and that love must be vocal as well as physical. Maybe you ought to sharpen up your sensitivity to your wife. Do something positive to build up your relationship with your wife and prove to her in every way that she has not lost the appeal that she had when you married her.
It's a lot easier to berate our partners for their part in a relationship than to evaluate our own contribution and become a more productive partner. Just because your married doesn't give you the right to be tactless or critical of your wife. Stop thinking about yourself and start appreciating your wife. Minimize her faults and magnify her virtues Build her up and your relationship. When we love somebody we don't downgrade them, we never put ourselves above that person.
I would suggest for you to start understanding your wife. Do this by listening to her and having an attitude of concern and faith in your partner's character and of her judgement. Try to find what your part of this problem is and correct it. If your wife has lost her affection to you, help her get it back by devoting yourself to her and deciding to love her through this trial in your lives.
I wish you all the best and hope this encourages you.

Answer 7

I do not think she would do anything with your kids with her it could truly be that they are friends and you are just being insecure but at the same time she should respect you. But I do know if she was cheating on you she would not be bringing your kids with her that would be asking to get caught because kids talk alot. Maybe what you should do is try to get to know her friend. She should respect you she would expectthe same from you if it was the other way around . Tell her how you feel I am sure that if you guys talk it over calmly it can be worked out

Answer 8

No, you are not wrong to feel that way. As your wife, she has an obligation to respect how you feel about this situation, regardless of the nature of the relationship. Having friends of the opposite sex is OK, but if she is going beyond what you consider a normal friendship, then she needs to listen to you.

Answer 9

Unless you have genuine compulsion to be with her as her 'escort' (rather than husband), leave her and settle in a dignified life. She may afford to treat you like an inferior-husband and gets her joy talking and chatting with her ex-colleague. Is not that good enough reason for you to 'liberate' her, if your children are not a big issue for both of you. However, considering our children's future try to talk her out from this temporary romance, if possible.

Answer 10

You have every right to feel what you want to feel but keep in mind to control yourself. I can't really say what you should feel but I know and I feel what probably is going through your head right now. Keep calm, don't assume and stick to the facts. Don't add to what you already know. If you want hard evidence, use espionage. I can help you in this way if you want to..

Answer 11

Talk to her heart-to-heart. If she continues to ignore your complaints then there is something wrong in this picture. Don't just sit there and watch them do whatever pleases them. If she's willing to participate, seek for counseling.

If not, consult a lawyer.