For the past 5 years I've done the same thing over & over. I'm attracted to a guy, pursuing is done on one of our parts, they ask me out on a date, everything goes well (no physical contact for the most part - maybe I'll let them get a single kiss) & then I stop things immediately. Its not that I'm not attracted to them or that we don't get along...I just can't seem to let myself get close to anyone for fear of commitment & such. Its not that I necessarily want to be single, its just that I can't seem to 'let go,' you know? I feel awful because I really hurt a lot of nice, wonderful guys & I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to correct this. Even more unusual is that the guys who don't seem to pursue me as much as others are the ones that it takes me more time to give the cold shoulder. For instance, a nice guy & good date will be stopped within 2 weeks whereas a guy who is more laid back and less intense (asshole) will be given a LOT more time. Do I need therapy to correct this?
2006-09-17 16:12:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I know where it all stems from. I was engaged to someone and really sick at the time. The doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with me and I had to go in for testing and biopsies on my stomach to see if I had cancer. I called him crying after that doctors appointment and he broke it off right then and there becasue he said it was too much for him to deal with. Commitment problems and trust issues aren't all that hard to understand, right? I've gotten over him completely but not over the betrayal.
My parents have a wonderful relationship. They've been in a loving marriage now for 26 years. I've never seen or heard them fight. They are equal partners in their relationship. I've never been hit or abused by either of them (though I was hit by my grandmother quite a bit). They're wonderful people and my best friends (I'm an only child). I talk to both of them every day, tell them I love them, etc. They're genuinely wonderful people. :)
2006-09-17 16:30:46 · update #1
The 'getting close to them' is not about sex. I don't tell them things about myself. Unimportant things, yes. Anything about where I've been, my experiences in life, my past dating experiences, my family, what I do on a day-to-day basis, my friends, my beliefs, how I feel about life, etc, are all avoided and not spoken of. I guess it could be summed down to not being able to get intimate.
2006-09-17 16:40:45 · update #2
Yes a little help would not go astray ,...Thanks for the extra info.
would you feel afraid and apprehensive that as you described this quite pain full event may happen again,( so avoidance may be the best for you feel ) if so try just trusting (letting go)a little bit at a time,your life is too short to be restrained by hurtfull events and who knows love may Bloom , for love contains much giving and trust ,most often if you look for trust you get it ...
and make a conscious effort to forgive the other guy , I take it He's gone now for good .
2006-09-17 16:26:28 · answer #1 · answered by Vivian X 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy and lots of it. The more the merrier. Just cause you kiss a guy or date or even have sex with him doesn't mean you have to commit. When you date just make sure your intentions are at the forefront. It's just a date and I am not looking for something serious. Most guys will respect that. Most of them are the ones that don't want to get serious. It always seems to be the gals that want the commitment. Or am I taking this the wrong way. Are you speaking of things in the context of sex when you say you can't seem to let yourself get close to anyone.
2006-09-17 23:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by big10inmidd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES-short answer for long question, i think u need therapy just to understand the underlying reasons for that behavior.maybe 2-3 sessions tops.
2006-09-17 23:22:47 · answer #3 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talking with pro. might be helpful. where you molested or abused? does you mom and dad have a health married relationship? these are all things that you might need to talk about.
2006-09-17 23:24:02 · answer #4 · answered by zoranth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you would be helped by it yes......you to me sound intimately frightened.....there is help for that.
good luck
2006-09-17 23:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by Marg N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋