dont know what to do?

Question

My husband and i have been married for almost 9 years.I dont feel our relationship is very good at all. so far we have both cheated and tryed to forgive.we have 2 wonderful children together(ages 7 &8 )witch we both love very much. Any more it seems we are still together for our children. We both have different intrests.He likes going out,weather it to a friends house or a bar, eather way there is usually drinking involved.Im getting to be the opposite. Dont get me wrong every now and then is ok But not every friday,saturday and sometimes sunday (when money permits)Id rather watch a movie,go to dinner, or even get a bottle and stay home.The bar to me is for the single croud.We got into a arguement today and i asked him why he was still with me and he said that our kids need a mother and a father that are together.To me that is the wrong reason to stay together.what would that Teach our children? Im not sure what to do im open for suggestions.Do i love him. Yes hes the father of my kids

Answer 1

Find a good Christain counselor to go to.

Answer 2

Why did the cheating occur?

The need for love, affection, holding, touch, is great.
In my opinion, it's impossible to exist without.
To spend our lives looking for this is a sad fate.
When weak, any form of attention becomes better than nothing.
The lonely nights, the restless sleep, the constant thinking.
Growing desperate, or we start to die inside,
Justifying things, and taking what we can get, or we feel like will not survive.
Like an infant that needs to be held, we can become the same.
Then the shame and regret. The confession and guilt. The fear and loathing.
Trying to ignore it the best we can, but still the need will always be there. In ten years, will you look back and feel miserable?
Will you have become so lost that you both begin to act out, despite of the kids?

Having given up your “comfort or self medication” activities, you changed completely,
But your spouse still hides.
I wonder if you are so aware of both your needs.
You try to make it work.
Yet the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Would you both be better off w/out each other?
It happens. Nine years is a long time, but from the sounds of it, the problems occurred a long time ago.
You at least have the courage to face the issue, and posting here, you at least will allow others to offer advice. You will give it the best chance you can to make it work.

If you pray, and listen for the small, quite voice. You will hear the answer.
I suggest you ask for strength, courage, guidance, and wisdom.
It will come to you.
Unfortunately, from the sound of it, you who will have to make the decision in the end, but if you act with solid reasons, good intentions, and faith, it will all work out.

Bless your heart!

Answer 3

You both can't just say you love each other and not put an effort to make this work. You have both branched out apart from each other. You would both have to work together to really get back together. If the cheating partners are both out of the picture and you both really work at it, you can get each other back. But it will be hard and you have to love each other enough to really try and not just say you will. And NO you should not stay together for the kids. That is so stupid to do that. Do you think the kids would rather you be there fighting all of the time or would they rather you both be with another person who makes you happy and then never have to be around arguing all the time? Kids don't want to be around parents fighting all the time.

Answer 4

Staying together just for the kids is not the answer but believe me it would be way less hard on the kids if u were together. What you could do is sit down sometime, just you and him and talk (without yelling) about what you see is the "problem" and how you two can both "agree" on wat day(s) of the week your family could go out together and on occasion alone. But the more time you spend together the more you'll notice that you do have more in common than you think. Also drinking is almost in a guys nature(if you know what i mean), so as long as he doesn't get drunk every time he goes out it's ok. if you have any other questions or you don't understand what i'm saying please fell free to e-mail me back! Hope this helps

AG

Answer 5

You need to do what is right for you. Staying with someone for the kids is not best thing. The kids know more than you think they do and they are hurting just as much as you are. You will be much better off without your husband if you truly know that is whats best for you. Your kids will get through it and in the long run everyone will be much happier. I am a lot like you I am just now divorced after 10 years and I felt the same way. But now I have found that I am much happier and feel better about my self. My children are adapting to the changes but they to are relieved that it is over with because there is a lot stress on everyone.

Answer 6

Well, you don't love somebody just because they're the father of your kids. If you fight and argue all the time it's not good for the kids. Your husband needs to grow up. His lifestyle sounds depressing to me. Why do either of you need to 'get a bottle'? Tell your husband the kids don't need an alcoholic father and it really seems that what he is. He will only get worse. If he won't get help, and you too BTW, then I say end it. You have both cheated. That doesn't help either. This sounds like a diseased relationship.

Answer 7

But do you love him still want him sexually,, obviously you cheated because you are not getting the companionship you crave at home,, yes the bar scene sucks, and yes it would be more romantic to stay in or go to dinner and bring a bottle home,,, do you see this going on in 5 years??
it is hard to forgive cheating as you always wonder if the person will do it again. kids are kids,, but if you cannot live with your husband then I suggest leaving,

Answer 8

I don't think its good to stay married just for the kids. Kids sense when things are wrong. Maybe you should try counseling. Would you want one of your kids to be married to someone and they only wanted to be married for the kids? Sounds like you are unhappy and I agree that going out drinking every weekend is a little extreme especially when there are kids at home and that time could be spent with them.

Answer 9

Its seems to me that "you" are trying to work it out, but your husband is not. You go out with him, but its wrong to financially burden yourself if you can't afford to go out three days a week every week of the month. If he loved you, he would let you go. The both of you will be absolutely miserable if you are together only for your children's sake. You're kids are old enough to see that you and your husband are not doing well together. You need to muster up the courage and ask him for a door out on your relationship, so that you, him, and your children can live a normal life.

Answer 10

You will need to dig deeply for the answer to this one. Get a counselor or try Al Anon, or both. You and your children deserve better than this.

NO matter what happens he will always be the father of your kids, but there's more to it than that.

I am a divorced single mother of 2 ...and they are better off for it.

Good luck sweetie

Answer 11

Counseling...and man when you asked him why he was with you and he said for the kids OUCH.. My friends husband told her he stayed so he didn't have to give her half his stuff....like she never payed for a thing geeze.

You say you still love him that's one thing but he needs to stay home more so maybe ask him out on a date get a sitter and go out to dinner...Than the next weekend ask him to stay home for a romantic dinner and movie...even let him pick the DVD make him his favorite meal...put effort into talking about things you know would interest him etc. Than ask him on a family outing to the park etc....try to make you love grow and be a family...Good luck.