When our house gets dirty I feel out of control and upset because my fiancee won't help me by picking up after herself. I feel so overwelmed and frustrated. The only time she will help clean is when I ask her too or if I get upset about how the dirty house is making me feel crazy and out of control. Then I feel bad when we have a spat and she acts if I did something bad by her facial expressions(like I scolded her which I didn't). Please help give me some good advise and I don't want to break up or leave her.
2006-09-17 15:29:38 · 19 answers · asked by Tommy 1 in Home & Garden ➔ Cleaning & Laundry
We live together for 2 1/2 yrs.
2006-09-17 15:32:20 · update #1
It sounds like she is not mature enough for marriage.
2006-09-17 15:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by Graybeard 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
red flag alert!!!!!! if the inside of her car looks like your house when you have to ask for help, then your dealin w/ a lifestyle that shes obviously comfortable with( maybe why she looks like you scolded her, she dont see where she did anything wrong and dont understand why your talkin to her like that). if you really care for her, throw away the white glove and find a comprimise that you both can live with. the place dont have to be spotless daily, just try and maintain organization. besides organization is a starting point, without it you cant have"clean". my point w/ my girlfriend is,why spend time lookin around and allover the place for something, if you give it a place and when your done usin it put it back there , you'll always know where its at. going on strike in this case is not a good idea. dish's as an example:they're all dirty and its time to eat, you haven't done them so she only washs enough to get through the meal, the rest continue to sit there. laundry dont get done, she hand washs a couple of things and lets them air dry. my point is when it comes to cleaning shes already on strike and the mess the house is in doesnt matter, she's comfortable.
2006-09-17 21:05:13 · answer #2 · answered by rugbumpr69@sbcglobal.net 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, been there. I bet your fiancee never had to clean a day in her life.
My husband would say things like "I know, I'm a bad person" with a lip curl. Rather than fight that battle I picked on him for stupid stuff, which made me feel even worse. I told him I really didn't like the way I was acting but I needed his help to change. I jokingly showed him the way he curled his lip to show displeasure. Now I can say "OK , you are doing your lip curl again" and laugh.
I realized he didn't even see the dirt. I showed him some. He was shocked at the filth on the floor. Also, the whole idea of 'helping' is an issue. You are in this together, right? Hard to argue with.
It took extreme patience and explaining that I wasn't saying he was a bad person. I had to help him learn to clean without making him feel like a dummy. He now notices dirt and knows how to deal with it.
Good luck. If she loves you, she will respond.
2006-09-17 15:52:33 · answer #3 · answered by nonna_barbara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try showing her your question here on Yahoo answers. And show her the answers you get. If that doesn't work, do what I do with my kids and what I also did with my husband: I tell them they have 30 minutes to clear up and pick up whatever they want to keep. Put the timer on the stove and advise that when the timer goes, whatever is left lying around goes. And then do it. Follow through. You'll only have to do it once. It really works. You should have seen my husband in his boxer shorts and T-shirt outside at 7am pulling his shoes out of the garbage as the garbage truck was coming down the street (I stubbed my toe just once too often to not follow through). It really does work. If there is anything left lying around that is really expensive (like her ipod or something, you don't really have to throw it away. Hide it for 3 months. When she gets it back, she'll be really happy... and won't leave it lying around again. But I repeat, my first answer is to show here this website and your concerns. Good Luck....
2006-09-17 15:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her then that because you understand that housing cleaning is not what she is good at, you then will HIRE a maid to come and clean the house for both of you. Of course the maid will cost some money and therefore something will have to be given up. But she needs to know that the house needs cleaning and if she cannot help then she needs to help pay for someone to come in. Besides, you both will be much happier.
2006-09-17 15:36:55 · answer #5 · answered by kickinupfunf 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In the living room, I have a storage ottoman. It's a convenient piece of furniture, and it hides all of the junk that husband generates (like Pigpen, from Snoopy). When he doesn't even put forth enough effort to use the hassock, I give him three warnings.
After three warnings, I hide things. I laugh and laugh and laugh while he tries to find them. I haven't even counted the number of loose socks stuffed in the attic crawlspace under the farthest eve in the whole house. It takes ten minutes just to crawl back there. He thinks twice before shedding his clothes wherever he stands now.
In short, all you can do is make it fun for yourself until she's ready to be neater.
2006-09-17 15:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by Em 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i come across your attempt at humor really disgusting, yet that stated, i'm a male chauvinist, and happy with it. i do not imagine that adult men are above helping with something. yet I do trust a lady's position is contained in the abode, cooking, cleansing, and elevating and nurturing her children. i don't have a modern liberated woman. To me they don't look even females. If i will sparkling and cook, why do i favor a nagging woman round to reason me grief? For sex? What exciting. sex is too effortless to go back by employing each and every time a guy needs it, for loose, with very valuable females, without having to cary each and every of the buckets of crap a guy receives from a spouse.
2016-11-27 21:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by falacco 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already talked to her about it, go on strike. She'll get the idea that in order to live in a home, you must help to keep the house in order.
This is something I'm trying to teach my live-in boyfriend... he's slowly catching on! (I left 4 days of dishes in the sink... he finally put them in the dishwasher this morning while I was doing laundry) :)
Be sure to thank her for the help when she does... maybe send her some flowers at work thanking her for the help and that you REALLY appreciate it!
Good luck! It's workable..
2006-09-17 16:02:35 · answer #8 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I found going on strike for two weeks works in my house. It means that everything has to be let go - no laundry, dusting, vacuuming, shopping, etc. She'll help out because there will be no dishes, clothes, no bed made, and she'll need clean underwear. It is really hard not to do something, but it ends the problem. (Went on strike twice, both worked for a really long time).
2006-09-17 15:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by kny390 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have some very basic differences here. When two different people live together, they have to adjust. However, if there is too much to adjust, you may not find it wortthwhile after a while. You will feel "imprisoned" and that is not healthy in the long run.
2006-09-17 15:42:30 · answer #10 · answered by Tom Cat 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to make a list of chores for her. She was probably brought up this way. Like I was and don't care much for cleaning. You have to start out small like sweeping the floor and taking out the trash. Then build up to more chores as time goes on. And give her a award at the end of the week like take her out to dinner or movie. Most women HATE chores and despise doing them but are brought up that this is just life of good hygene. She has to learn to clean on a habit. Good luck, cause it took my hubby 1 year to get me to help around the house. But after 12 years I am Miss Homemaker AND I do all chores including COOK!
2006-09-17 15:37:21 · answer #11 · answered by colleen3273 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋