I am divorcing my husband of 18 years. Years of verbal and emotional abuse....and so on. I have 2 kids. l8 and 11.
My whole family whom I love dearly won't even give the guy a chance. They still think my exhusband -to -be is such a great thing in my life to have....no matter what he has put me through.
My family blames the man I fell in love with for the ending of my marriage. They blame him for my children's heartaches. In fact, they support my ex-to-be to have custody. Because I am finally happy with someone----it seems like they are all miserable. I am the black sheep of the family now. Whereas before, I was "Ms. Wonderful" as long as I kept my mouth shut and didn't complain about anything being wrong in my marriage. I am just SO tired of being unhappy. My kids seem to side with their Dad since he is so HURT by me leaving. They feel sorry for him and can't understand how I could leave poor ole Dad...Marry my true love or stick it out another 20 years 4 kids/mom?
2006-09-17 14:33:51 · 9 answers · asked by greeneyes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well I am 40 also. I must speak from the heart. You cant live for your family. Its time for you to start living for you. You have raised your kids and now its time for you to raise yourself. Its always easy for other on the outside to look in and say that you should be happy. Until they walk a day in your shoes they dont know what your dealing with. Your family can see your happy but some times when others have settled they want you to do the same, Dont! How can your family blame this other man ? I am sure the hurt and pain was present before this man came into the picture. Most people always want someone to blame. People out grow each other. I am sure your kids know what has been going on all these years. They hear this abuse but they see their dad hurting because of this man. Your husband had had years to love you now when its to late he feel as if he is being done wrong .Get away before its to late and one of your kids turn out to be just like your husband. The abuse he gives you has to be because he was abused and he doesn't know another way to express himself(this was how he was raised)
2006-09-17 14:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by justturning40 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have seen some good advice and some rather bad. It is important to remember that children are the ones in the end who suffer.
I have read your question several times and It does not look or at least you do not tell us if you have talked to the husband about this or even attempted marriage counseling.
From reading it appears that you have broken the mariage.
Parents should really not be involved in a situation like this and should stay out of it. But what makes you think the new super love of your life will be any better. You need to do some serious thinking and go to a marriage counselor. Perhaps all is not as bad as you think and the marriage perhaps can be saved.
2006-09-17 14:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with 'keeping quiet' for appearances throughout a long relationship has it's appeal to the perpetrator of the problems.
Your hubby still has control and has continued to turn your kids, family, etc against you. Manipulation isnt a virtue ever. Dont die inside and never know happiness. The children will form their own opinions based on future actions and attitudes of both parents. Children have to think like/side with the stronger dominant parent in order to survive proximity to him/her. Go be happy, continue to be a positive influence to them as best you can in the face of the inevitable.
2006-09-17 14:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did falling for the new guy precipitate the divorce? If so, then people may see you as unfaithful and not trustworthy.
If you decided to get divorced, and only then began looking for new love, then that's your decision and the others will learn to live with it over possible many years.
Your children must come first, before the new love/lust in your life, or they will feel they are being shhoed aside along with your husband.
2006-09-17 14:38:30 · answer #4 · answered by mikeandrachael2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it's time for you to think about you. You have been hurt and disappointed for far too long. Your kids are old enough, they will get over it easier than younger kids would. If you are happy with your new man, then you need to start a new life with him, and set aside your old life, you won't be able to forget your old life, but you will have a new life to make you happy. Just forget what everyone else thinks or says about you, it is time for you to have a good life and be happy:)
2006-09-17 14:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by tookelovalicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may hurt you ,but let the kids go with Dad. As for family, that's a different story....They think your ex is so great. Have you told them what was going on? If they don't like it to bad. Let them live with him! Go and find HAPPINESS....
2006-09-17 14:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only get one go-around in this life, honey. Live it the way you will be happy, not the way someone else would be happy. If you don't, one day you'll be old and wonder what life could have been.
2006-09-17 14:38:34 · answer #7 · answered by IthinkFramptonisstillahottie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever tried counseling? I am not so sure your new Mr. Wonderful is more than just a safe harbor if you leave your marriage. Please see a competent therapist to explore the issues before you do anything else.
2006-09-17 14:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
buggeryour family do wat makes you happy
2006-09-17 14:42:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋