I am so alone. I'm married to a man that has used cocaine for 8 mths that I have known, but he has used a lot longer. He almost died. The distrust I have, I don't know how to overcome it. He is doing rehab only after losing his job and his boss told him he could come back after he gets better. i begged him to go along time ago for us. Now I am facing $0 income, and he will not sign up for unemployment. Why do I feel so angry when he is getting help?
2006-09-17 14:16:25 · 15 answers · asked by Holly 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have been angry for a long time it seems. I must ask are you taking counseling?
I come from a long line of drug users and alcoholics. You should go to a meeting for family members. It will help you cope with your anger and such. It will also help you understand too what your husband is going thru. If you still love him it's something to consider. Not only does he need support and love and treatment but you do also. It will effect your whole family. You, him, children if you have any.
You have a long hard journey ahead of you but I would definately recommend meetings for you and him to help build your relationship back.
Good Luck and I really hope that your husband gets better.
But I really hope you can let go and forgive. Your heart will heal so much when you can do this.
2006-09-17 14:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by Farmgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh child. you're probably not going to like this answer. I've been where you are now and the only way out is - OUT. There are support groups - start by calling anyone of them and they will lead to the best one for you. You probably love him a lot and think if you love him enough, you can save him and things will get better. Just doesn't happen that way. He won't even sign up for unemployment - what does that tell you? He will use you as long as he can and let you handle all the problems. GO - if he can't love you - then YOU love you. Take care and Good Luck, I really mean that!!
2006-09-17 21:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by risa131313 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's natural to feel angry since you now have no income. Also, he apparently lied about his drug use and that's a reason to feel angry. It will take alot to rebuild your relationship so that you can trust him again. And the odds are not good for his improvement, since drug users usually relapse. But only you can decide if the relationship is worth working on.
Go to the state employment agency and see if you can get a job.
They may even help you write a resume if you've never done one before. It isn't a bad idea to have your own income even if he successfully completes rehab and goes back to his job.
Also, see if you qualify for any benefits such as food stamps, Section 8 housing or whatever. If you have kids, see if you qualify for welfare or WIC. Check out if any local churches have food pantries. And yes, him putting you in a position where you need to ask for social services and/or charity is another reason to be angry. It's totally understandable.
2006-09-17 21:23:16 · answer #3 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone. Many women are in the same boat, dear. I am sorry that you are facing this, but it gives you some time to think. Is he getting help? It sounds to me that he is playing yet another game. Time for you to assess your situation and find a job you like and decide whether you can live with a man you can't trust. You are the only one who can answer these questions, but please know my prayers are with you. Even if your husband doesn't want treatment, something may click and he may find his way SOMEDAY. Please don't expect this to be the end of his substance abuse. I've seen it and relapse in situations like this is almost 98%. God bless you.
2006-09-17 21:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
XXXXXXXXX If I were in your shoes, I think I'd feel the same way but only momentarily. Then I'd suck it up, lick my wounds and start a new day tomorrow. Go to social services for help, food stamps, what ever than get a job and get off off public assistance. Prove to no one but yourself that you are a survivor. Good luck hun.
2006-09-17 21:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
feeling angry and hurt are normal---have been through similar with my previous marriage---should be a life different than that. while he can get better it will be very difficult for both of you. trust and communication are both very key issues in any relationship. my situation wound up in divorce, but i know of a few that are now thriving because of intervention and counselling; if this is a repeated event, it may be time to get out---if not, we all need second chances--good luck--hug
2006-09-17 21:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by phyllis_neel 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You feel angry because your life is being affected, both emotionally and financially. You need to talk to someone too - get into counseling or talk to a close friend/family member.
If you wanna chat anytime, drop me a line rawrrr07
2006-09-17 21:18:49 · answer #7 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel angry because he is not willing to support monetarily. I assume he is refusing unemployment pay because he is to proud. As a temporary thing unemployment is definitely helpful and was setup for just this sort of thing. I will pray for you.
2006-09-17 21:21:03 · answer #8 · answered by mojo2093@sbcglobal.net 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have children? If so go apply for assistance at children's services! Let them guide and direct you! My suggestion is to dump him and get out of there! Go build a life for your self/child!
Seldom do druggies or boozers really give it up! I have it watched it last until they get out of rehab and up to 5 years and they go back to it and your life is a living hell. He is most likely only doing this, to get his job back in any event! He'll just try to be a bit more sneaky is all!
You want to waste yours and your children's life on this bum, go for it! If you want something worth living for GET OUT AND FILE FOR A DIVORCE!
2006-09-17 21:22:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your nagry because your the one left without help,i think you should go out and make a life for you,coke is a bad habit and even though he is gettign treatment,it wasn`t for you,and most addicts slip,my advice is go make a life for you and if he changes,then maybe things can work out,
2006-09-17 21:20:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋