is this a bad way to look at it?

Question

i am a straight male and i dont feel comfortable around gay guys. whenever i am around one i feel uneasy. i feel uneasy until i know the person for a while and till i know he doesnt like me too much. the one time a guy did, i was flattered but i had to be honest. i could recipricate those feelings. if i did i probly woulda gone for it. is this wrong

Answer 1

No, why would it be wrong? It is who you are. I suspect you are young. You will be less worried around gay men over time -- I completely understand how you feel. When I was young I felt the same around women that might be attracted to me (nervous) until I was sure there wasn't going to be a problem.

To be fair, there was never any hint of possible interest in females for me, and if there had been I would have been bi -- I'm not, I'm gay --- but, if I had been bi -- I suppose I would have "gone for it" too.

Oh, and by the way, ALOT more than one female was interested in me in the years before my partner and I entered a committed relationship, and it finally became evident to all of them that I wasn't interested, really -- I wasn't just saying it.

Kind thoughts,

Reynolds
Justice Service Albany: http://www.rebuff.org/justice/
[e-mail]

Answer 2

If you are very young, you still may be questioning your sexuality and that would cause the uneasy feeling aroung gay males. It is a very natural feeling and you should not act on any feelings if you do not want to. NO means NO whether it is with a gay person or straight person. No one should ever force another person into sex. That is wrong, plain and simple.

As for you, stickman, and other homophobes, gays do not persuade, or recruit people into a gay lifestyle. People have their own free will to do whatever they wish. Someone who is gay has these feelings of being "different" usually from childhood, that is why they feel that they are born as gay and NOT become gay by choice. They say that if it was a choice, who the hell would choose it? Choose all the discrimination, the hatred, the name calling? No, no one would choose it...believe me. It is a deep feeling that no matter what, cannot be changed. If you think, ok, I will now be straight...and live as a straight person, what you will be doing is living a lie and end up hurting innocent people in the long run. This is all documented statements from many that have been there...and done that.

Answer 3

Okay, so this probably a typo, but I'm wondering if it's a little bit of a Freudian slip:

i was flattered but i had to be honest. i could recipricate those feelings

--
I think that you should be you and be friends with the people that you enjoy having as friends. Being gay is not contagious and few gay people really want to get with someone who is straight. Everyone is a little uncomfortable around new people they aren't romantically/sexually interested in until they know that it's no big deal for the other, too. Relax. Your fine.

Answer 4

I always feel uneasy around people I don't know, str8 or gay. As for waiting to see if he likes me...well, in your case, if he likes you, that falls in to a security issue. From what I get in your post, you chose to deny those feelings because you would recipricate?? I am I understanding that correctly...at any rate, from again from your post I feel you should spend some time evaluating youself...and its very important that you be honest, either simply flattered or you could be interested in more...neither way is wrong!! Just be yourself and that is all you can be!

Answer 5

One of the classic questions in life is "who do you trust?" In this case, it's "who don't you trust?"
If you're not gay and you aren't tempted by gay guys, it probably just makes you uncomfortable to be looked at in a sexual way. It's probably very much the same as girls being looked at by guys they aren't interested in. You might have to continually tell people who you are and what you do and don't like.
It's a challenge, all right.
If you can get through it without getting angry and bitter, then your character has grown. Patience will be a big benefit in many areas of your life and this is an opportunity to strengthen your patience. How about another big character issue? The difference between you and the people around you. This is a good chance for you to develop a strong sense of your personal boundaries.
Everything is a potential learning experience. What's bad about that?

Answer 6

No its not, whoever your comfortable around your comfortable around. I'm straight too and even if a straight guy hit on me in the past and i didnt really like them ill feel uneasy until i get used to them.

Answer 7

One thing that irritates the hell out of me is straight people experimenting around when they know that they are straight...I do not know why it makes me feel pissy, it just does. I guess that I think we all know what we want deep down in our guts and people who keep experimenting just seem whack to me...like they can't make up your mind. As far as not feeling comfy around gay men, i know guys who say that and i tell them all not to flatter themselves, gay men aren't out to convert you, nobody is that desparate, lol. If you feel desire then face the fact that you are gay and get over your uneasiness, they are just people for heaven's sake.

Answer 8

so if I understand your rambling, you were flattered and thought that you possibly could have gone along for some gay sex?

No that is not wrong. There is nothing wrong with being gay.

Answer 9

Don't pretend to be gay and flirt with a gay man when you're straight, just because the attention inflates your ego. That would be cruel.

Answer 10

If you're straight there is no reason to be uncomfortable around gays, because you are born ether straight, gay or bi. If you are gay or bi, You'll probably put yourself into a life long depression trying to suppress it.
Tammi Dee