Ladies Help I have big Marriage Problems?

Question

This is kinda long but read and be honest with your answers. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and are currently seperated. In the past 3 years we have split up and gotten back together 5 different times. This time it is supposed to be for good. I love her with all of my heart and would do anything in the world for her. I give her everything that she wants and always have. We got married at 17 and we are now 23. She says that we have grown into different people than we were when we got married. She tells me that she still loves me but we just don't understand each other anymore. Neither one of us has cheated on the other and this is fact not fiction. I have proposed marriage counseling to her and have set 3 different appointments and can not get her to go. At first she said she would go but now she says that she wont. I don't want to lose her but it looks like I am going to. What should I do because she says that she still has feelings for me. What do I do?

I have tried to talk to her to find out where we have grown apart and I just can not get her to communicate. Her dad is the same way in her parents marriage. Her mom is leaving her dad because of the same thing. I try all the time to communicate to her but she will not open up and talk.

Answer 1

Like the saying goes...u can lead the horse to the water but u can't make em drink. In your case, your wife could be right and u have just grown into 2 different people who have 2 different goals on what marriage is supposed to be. Somewhere along the line, u have lost touch with each other and that connection is now broken.

If she isn't willing to go counseling with u, I'm afraid u will just have to let her go, as hard as that may be. U have split up 5 different times. What does that say about your commitment with each other to be together? Doesn't say much, I'm afraid. If you're both willing to be together, it takes 2 to make it work. If she is not willing to work with u, I'm afraid u can't pull it off by yourself.

Answer 2

Wow, you got married way too young. You seem like a very nice guy. Most men would have been gone a long time ago. She doesn't sound like she wants the marriage to work. If she is not willing to make an effort to go to counseling with you then she doesn't want the marriage to work. Move on. You are still very young and have alot of living to do. I made the same mistake. I got married at 21 and the marriage only lasted for 18 months. We both realized we were way too young and wanted different things in our lives.

Hope you can move on with your life and find someone who wants you.

Answer 3

well, first of all, i hope u have no kids, cause theyr life will be shattered.
second, she is right. being married at 17 is way too young. do u wanna find out for yourself how this is so?

do this: go ask any 27 year old how they thought, felt, and their way of thinking when they were 17 year old. I'll give you a buck if anyone says they were the same ten years ago. most will say that they think differently, and more maturely

it seems that u guys got married on lust. and even if you got married on love, it takes more than that to keep a marriage going.

shes older now, and realizing and finding out who she really is. and she's stuck in a marriage, a marriage that started too quickly.

Answer 4

It is not unusual for folks to grow apart when they get married so young. At age 17, you don't know what you want and are often immature. As you grow older and wiser you do change and sometimes find you are no longer compatible regardless of how much you care for each other.

I think your wife doesn't want to go to counse ling because she feels there is no marriage left to save. If she has bowed out of counselling more than once, I think this is the message she is trying to send you. Let her go. If it is meant to be then she will come back to you but don't spend a whole lot of time waiting for this to happen. Set a timeline and if she doesn't come back, let's say in 3 months then file for a divorce.

Answer 5

I have had a similar situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years, I am almost 23 and he is 24. We moved in together when I was just 17. So, we ran into a rough spot two years ago and separated for about 9 months... I moved in with my grandma and started school.

Anyway, we both had time to learn and grow up while we weren't living together and it made our relationship so much stronger than it ever had been before.

I would recommend reading some books that may help your communication with her. I say this not because you are not communicating correctly, but that it seems as though she isn't exactly trying to fix this as much as you are.

I know it sounds cliche but try reading 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' and/or 'Mars And Venus, Together Forever' both by John Gray. I read these books while we were apart and it has helped a great deal!

Good Luck!

Angela

Answer 6

Marriages that start off at a young age sometimes (not always) end in divorce because the couple just grow-up and apart. Either one of the sides or sometimes both want to experience more and want to see what other relationships can be like. Sometimes this helps the two become closer in the end because they realize MOST marriages all end up to be the same. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

All the signs point to that she has someone else in her life, but you say that's not true. Well, you would know better than I!

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there's much you can do. She refuses to go to counseling and doesn't seem to want to work on the relationship.

It's true, since going from teenagers to young adults that you both may have changed. But all people change through the years. It sounds like perhaps she's regretting that she got married so young and she wants to live her own life now.

Sorry, wish I could help you salvage the relationship.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, it sounds like you married too young and have grown into the people you will be as adults. She is seeking something that will be allusive. However, the pull of that is something she must follow. Many times people grow into the person they will become and it is no longer compatible with the promises they have made. When she comes to her senses you will have moved on with your life. I hear your pain and wish I could make this better for you. Good luck, as you sound like a very nice person.

Answer 9

She probably does still love and care for you, but you got married really young, and people do change when they get older. If she doesn't want to do counseling, then just tell her how you feel about her, and then give her some space. If you push too hard, she will be gone. Trust me, I know. In the meantime, spend some time with your friends, and just wait and see. If it was meant to be, then it will be.

Answer 10

Unfortunately you cannot make someone else love you. You cannot change them unless they want to be changed. It is very true that people change over time, either for the better, or for the worse. It is true that people can fall out of love due to these changes.

I have been there myself only my relationship lasted for 13 years. It took a lot of courage for us to realize that all we did was argue, and that we were not happy with one another anymore. It was just easier staying in what we felt was comfortable instead of venturing into the unknown. Then one day it just came out about divorcing once and for all. It was agreed that was the best for both of us. As far as I know we are both now happily remarried to someone who better suits our needs. So ou see it can work out for the better in the long run.