What do you think of my prologue?

Question

Just wrote it, want to get your opinions.

Prologue: Remembering




Even after so many years, I still cannot say exactly why I saved him.
I acted purely on impulse, something I believe was always meant as my downfall. I didn’t think; I merely did, never considering the possibly life-shattering consequences. Or afterlife-shattering consequences, or whatever you choose to call it. Honestly, I’m going to quote every cheesy romance book out there and say this. It was his eyes.
For me, this is a strange story to tell, because it is so unlike any other I have ever heard. I saved him. My kind is not meant to save, or interfere in any way. We are meant to watch, half in horror and half in anticipation, as death claims all. We are meant to remember, we are meant to understand, but it is an unwritten law; you must not interfere.
Of course, I had to interfere.
I can’t say I regret it, either, at least not as much as maybe I should. Truth be told, it was the stupidest decision I ever made, and trust me, I’ve never been one to choose the right path. Yet somehow, I’m alright with that. These things happen because they are meant to, not because of a foolish girl’s impulsive ways. I couldn’t have changed his fate, or my already ruined fate, even if I had wanted to.
For me, this is also a painful story to tell. It’s hard, to remember everything I made myself forget, to see the past as I see the present, through eyes I cannot call my own. It’s a twisted existence, mine is, but somehow it’s all worked out in my favor. So I interfered even more to make it that way. It’s not like I was going to play the part of the girl, watching and waiting until my prince saved me. But I also wasn’t the villain, because everything I felt was indeed sane and moral.
So what was I?

I haven't edited it yet or anything, I've hardly even read it over in full. Any spelling or grammar mistakes will be fixed. But what do you think of it?

smile: I agree, I had one of those stupid people answer this question. But all you have to do is ignore them.

Answer 1

I liked it a lot. It is a lot better than most pieces I've seen here. Next time don't tell us it's a first draft and you haven't even read it through etc. I understand by saying this you are protecting yourself, but don't. Send your best and let it stand without comment.

It does what a prologue should; give us the pre-story and leave us wanting more. Some sentances are a little cumbersome and could do with a pruning, eg "It’s hard, to remember everything I made myself forget, to see the past as I see the present ..." Initially she says she is meant to remember, yet later she can't remember everything. Leave out the last sentance.

Written in first person in a chatty, friendly voice that draws the reader in to her experience.

Well done. I hope the rest is already written, or on its way. I'd like to see more.

Answer 2

I would use the prologue, its ok if its short. I've read one paragraph prologues to 5 page prologues, so one page if perfectly ok. If you blend it in, you might end up doing a flashback, and that's kind of overused, plus a prologue is a nice chance to grab the reader, making that first sentence not quite so threatening. I'd say do what you feel like doing, but don't shy away from a prologue. BQ: I don't drink milk BQ2: Charmed, Bones, or Malcolm in the Middle BQ3: stuffies!

Answer 3

I enjoyed reading it :) There was one short piece in there that didn't quite seem to gel - "can’t say I regret it, either, at least not as much as maybe I should. Truth be told, it was the stupidest decision I ever made, and trust me, I’ve never been one to choose the right path."

But the rest was pretty cool, I'd read more too!

Answer 4

I really like it; I am very curious to see where the prologue leads. What or who is the narrator? There is defintely a story there and it would be great to read it.
As you say, editing will take care of any obvious errors or repetition [some people are way too critical!]; that leaves an intro that has readers with a desire to find out WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??

Thank you ^.^

Answer 5

Your first draft was written well. As you edit it, remember to cut and trim wherever possible; even if it hurts. The prologue is important because it is the first that the reader sees. Cut it to the bare bones and rebuild as necessary.

Your opening sentence catches the reader's attention. Watch for redundant phrasings and words. Your use of the word 'alright' is not correct. It should be 'all right.'

Answer 6

Okay, that's pretty phenomenal. Seriously, if you continue this as a story and need someone to proof, edit, feedback, etcetera, feel absolutely free to message me, because that's something I'd be really interested in continuing to read.

Geeeeeze... now I want to know what she is.

Answer 7

I loved it, but yes, it was quite repetitive. The repetition had a kind of nice flow though...It was very nice. I admire your bravery. I was going to post my prologue but there are so many people who come on here just to be stupid, I figured, " Why bother?"

It was nice.

Answer 8

Excellent!

Answer 9

Wow! you have caught my attention and kept it! good piece of writing. it makes the reader want to finish of the prologue and move on to find whats next..
you have to do some editing; there's repetition. if you can find it and remove the, it'll be perfect.
keep writing :)

Answer 10

There is almost no variety in sentence structure. "I", "I", "I", "I"... it's very boring and repetitive. You might have a good idea, but it is expressed very poorly. There is also excessive use of words like "fate", "existence" and "after-life". A good book deals with concrete images, not abstractions. You need to give your readers something that they can hear, smell, taste or feel, not conceptual ideas.