My boyfriend & I have been 2gether for 2 years. We split up twice during that time & ended up 2gether again both times. He says he loves me but that he's not in love with me. We were going 2 split up because of this when we found out that I'm pregnant. I love him more than I ever thought was possible but he's told me that if it weren't for the baby then we wouldn't be 2gether. I want more than anything 2 be with him but I don't want 2 be with him knowing the only reason is because of our child. I can't handle the stress of know that he thinks he has 2 be there. I'm going crazy wandering who he'd rather be with & am getting very jealous. He tells me it's just hormones but I don't think that staying together for the baby is really in the baby's best interest. My parents stayed together for 5 years just for us kids before they finally dicided it would be better for us if they were not together. I don't want 2 put my child through that-I don't know what 2 do. Should we try 2 stay 2gether?
2006-09-17 12:26:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Dear JenJen,
I'm sorry for your sad news. It must be very stressful for you to have to go through this. It is really hard to recommend what you should do based on things you said. We don't know how old you are and your current financial status and etc.
While love is most important factor in any relationship, we can't survive on love alone...unfortunately. We all want to deny that and want to be that special one person on planet to value love above anything. However, love does not provide meals on table and we do need that 2-3 times a day to continue our lives.
It seems that you have two choices. One is to deny him being around you and become a single unmarried mother of your child or becoming a unmarried mother with baby's father who could possibly marry you at the end.
It may bother you to think the father of your baby does not really love you right now but it is better to let him stay around than kick him out of your life due to your emotion. After all, you never know he might really grow his feeling of love one day.
If I was your father, I'd say you shouldn't have had a baby with him at first place but that is not my place to judge. And I can see your feeling for him is deeper than that of his. Be patient. You can't foce someone to love you. Be smart. You now have to be responsible for your precious baby. Make sure the father of the baby shares his part of duties as father. Your first priorty now should be your baby not your boy friend. At least it is very decent thing for your boy friend to willing to stay with you for the baby. You should appreciate it as there are many fathers who won't be there for their baby.
Take good care of yourselves and best of luck to you!
2006-09-17 12:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by Doctor Dad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the hell do you mean "I don't know what to do" ? wth?? You DO to know EXACTLY what to do!! So do it and stop the whining!! And yes, I KNOW it's not easy. It's a "break-up"... it 'breaks your heart" - but only for a little while... cry like crazy and MOVE ON! You have a child to think about now, and he or she deserves BETTER than to be the glue in YOUR so called relationship! Why would you give a baby the job of holding your boyfriend in place?? Good Lord! Get a backbone girl!!! He DOESN'T want to be there. So let the jerk go already! YOU DON"T NEED HIM you just want him, but you DON'T need him.
2006-09-17 13:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by LMAO! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you didn't write for advice before you got pregnant. I would have told you to break up with him and move on. (You should have moved on after the very first break-up!) Anyway... nothing matters now except for the baby you are carrying. You are going to have to give this child 125% of your life for the next 18 years (and longer). It is not about you any longer. And it's certainly not about this idiot boyfriend of yours. This man does not love you, or he wouldn't say the things he says to you. A man who really loves you will respect you, treat you kindly, help you and protect you. Give him his walking papers and make plans for visitation and child support. You've got to be a mother now, my child.
2006-09-17 12:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should learn on how to be good friends for the babies sake. You two should move on. Do you want the baby to grow up in this situation. This is where the child is going to grow up knowing jealousy anger and how to settle. Is this what you want for your baby? Step back and take a good look. Children DON'T just learn from us through words but also our actions.Good luck.
2006-09-17 12:32:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say get out of it now, he is not happy,, and this should be putting a lot of stress on you. and I do not think you need the aggravation, this time of your life, it is not fair to you or your baby. If you can afford it go so you can have some peace in your life, I know that you said, that you loved him, but if he is not happy, you need not to waste your life with him, because at any time , he may leave you. You should want more for you!! Forget him!!!
2006-09-17 12:37:24 · answer #5 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if it isnt love then just leave, its best 4 ur baby, and most of all you. Ur probably young but older then me lol im 15, but still, if u wanted the baby, the baby should come first, 4 get him, trust me, you will b better with out him
2006-09-17 12:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Taisha B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make the decision. If you love him and he does love you,he will be looking around for another one ,but maybe not until you have the baby. he doesn't want to marry you even to give the baby his name then, time will tell . I don't think I would want to put my kid thru it . Maybe you'll have to until the baby is born. I feel so sorry for you and your baby.
2006-09-17 12:42:39 · answer #7 · answered by Becca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
certainly a tough one. i think you both have a responsibility now and your actions affect an innocent child now. whatever you do i think you should keep the childs interests in mind. If this guy wont be a good father and wants to run now i cant see him hanging around forever. im sorry, i really wish you all the best.
2006-09-17 12:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by whitey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You came pretty close to answering your own question.
It just sounds like you need reassuring.
Don't stay together. Your baby can pick up on the unheathy
vibe of your relationship. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-17 12:31:27 · answer #9 · answered by Mark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a hard decision , but you are really the only who knows whether you should stay together or not. you have instincts and your heart knows what is right and wrong. maybe you should look at it from the baby's point of view.
2006-09-17 12:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by GIGGLES 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋