My husband is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. I don't have a problem with that; I think she's a nice girl. However, I don't really feel comfortable hanging out with her when we're in a group of people. It just feels sort of awkard and I find that I don't have much to say to her.
I'm not threatened by her in any way, but I think that if I said to my husband, "Hey, why don't you and John (my ex) hang out? It would be fun." he wouldn't really like that. I don't have many female friends here and he suggested that I hang out with her. I don't want to insult either of them, but I'm not interested in becoming friends with her at all. How do I tell them no thanks?
2006-09-17 12:05:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your feelings are completely valid and understandable. Obviously, friendship is a voluntary relationship (if it weren't, we wouldn't call it friendship). I don't think you should make a big deal about not being friends with her. Just don't do the things that would signal your desire to be her friend. Don't call her, don't share confidences with her, don't invite her over, don't go shopping with her.
If your husband wants to talk to you about this, just vaguely indicate that you're happy with the casual acquaintance you already have with her, and you are not interested in taking to a higher level. If he probes you further, just say that the chemistry is not right. Don't say anything to criticize her. If he doesn't take the hint, you may have to confront him about your discomfort about being constantly reminded about their former relationship. Men (and probably many women) can be incredibly dense about what makes their partners uncomfortable, and need to be told straight out. It's not helpful to be angry or defensive, however. Just state your argument in terms of your own preferences. As your husband, he should respect your preferences, even if he doesn't totally understand them.
2006-09-17 12:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by Marcella S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not? if it was a diff. situation, would she be one of your friends then? or does she just rub you the wrong way?
try to find another girl to become quick friends with. (but make sure that she doesn't know your husband or his ex. and hopefully - she will have a husband to, & yours will want to hang out w/ him instead of his ex!) if she's single though, at least when they - (your husband & his ex) - invite you to do something, you can just say that you already have plans w/ your new friend.
one more thing. all that said... I think you should just tell your husband the truth.
"Honey, I'm glad that you introduced me to ___ and I do like her, but, I just don't feel close to her at all, and I really want to find some new friends. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but, I really need to make some NEW friends. ok? Do you understand?"
God bless you!!
2006-09-17 19:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by LMAO! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since this was someone he was close to and now you two are married it would be extremely important that he disengage from this previous relationship as there could be a potential for him to be too close to her. As a married couple the closest friend of the opposite sex that each of you should have should be each other. Guard your heart and your marriage diligently.
2006-09-17 19:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by SunFun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband how you feel and talk to them both. If you aren't comfortable with that then just say "I can't I have so much to do." or something along the lines.
2006-09-17 19:10:21 · answer #4 · answered by Cassie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes tell him no thanks you would rather make friends of your own which you will do - you havent been there long. Why would you want to be buddies with his ex? not that theres anything wrong with it but people normaly move on and even though they still get on - they dont socialise together all the time its strange.
2006-09-17 19:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by kinnoishere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and direct about how you feel. And yes if he cant catch on invite your ex John to hang out with y'all and see how he takes it. But try not to be harsh. but be honest.
2006-09-17 19:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by dark rockchick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't realise that You are not comfortable with the situation your realtionship is really heading for the worse. Stand up for yourself
2006-09-17 19:12:43 · answer #7 · answered by Bo V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just say i dont fill like i can become your friend cuz i dont see u as one and then say no herd filling right good luck
2006-09-17 19:10:03 · answer #8 · answered by ♥l.0.v.E♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him everything you just wrote down on here.
2006-09-17 19:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by texascomet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about NO THANKS! that should suffice. you don't have to explain yourself. TO ANYONE!!!
2006-09-17 19:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by david_e22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋