I've been marry for 4 years and I feel stressed and confused. My husband used to be very effectionate, understading, and loving. For the past year he has been distance and cold towards me. He doesn't make me feel wanted or loved. I love him dearly and I wish I knew exactly what was going on with him. I've tried approaching him numerous times but he brushes me off. I'm a very attractive, good hearted, and successful woman and I refuse to be rejected. I also refuse to sit at home and do nothing while he is out doing God knows what. So now there is this friend that I've known for three years and he gives me all the attention I yearn for. I know he is interested in me. He makes me feel wanted. He is such a sweet heart and I believe I have fallen for him. I'm scare to make any moves because I do love my husband but then again my husband makes me feel worthless. What should I do?
2006-09-17 11:58:23 · 18 answers · asked by M & M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First and formost you need to sit your husband down and have a serious talk. I hate to say this but I think he might have his hands in someone else's cookie jar. Or he'd just tired of the relationship.Either way this isn't good, and he's wrong for treating you the way that he does. It's high time that he tells you what's on his mind. Whatever you do, do not tolerate anymore brush offs. Put a stop to it once and for all and get him to tell you the truth. You deserve to here the truth good or bad. Go sit his butt down and tell him how he's making you feel. And tell him that there's no time like the present to tell you what's going on with him. Stand your ground be straight forward in a subtle way. Go for it do what you have to in order to make things right. Good luck and I hope that things work out for the best. Peace.
2006-09-17 12:12:33 · answer #1 · answered by friend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, the first thing someone is going to say he is having an affair and has deeper feelings towards another female or man.
The questions you have to ask yourself are somewhat simple and also questionable.
Did he start to feel distant after a promotion, a business trip, or something at the office. The promotion may make him feel that he is too good or maybe made a mistake by marrying you when he could have done better for his new social status.
If he was on a business trip, maybe he did meet someone that he had a one night stand with that blossomed. Pressure at the office may be on his mind all the time and not have anything to do with an affair. It might be just stress and something that he feels he cannot share or feels that you won't understand.
Stand back and look over your relationship and see how it was when it started and what is different now.
How many times did sex occur, then and now?
Do you show him affection, hugs, kisses, gesutres, or little 'I love you's".
If you love him dearly, how did you get close to someone else and feel that you have fallen for him? It seems you haven't been sitting at home and doing nothing.
Love, sex, affairs, and divorce are all part of marriage. I think that you have to do what makes you happy. I don't know if there are any kids involved, how old you are, and some other things but, live your life happy. Don't remain in a dead end life that only will bring on rejection, bad feelings, and suspicion.
The BIG question is, does this new person that you are interested in now, treat you the same way your husband treated you earlier? What makes you feel that it would or could change forever. Sure, being in a new relationship will bring on new feelings, more sex, less rejection, etc, but how long will it last?
Think about that before you call it quits, stand back and compare the two. Is one worth more to you, emotionally, not financially, in the future? What are you going to do when you break it with your husband and he realizes he was takin git for granted and wants you back? Will you break the new guys heart to heal yours?
Life isn't easy, who said it was. Don't bail on him because you feel a little down. Ask him outright, if he loves you or wants out.
From there make your move. Make it right the second time, there are many women out there married more than twice.
2006-09-17 12:19:02 · answer #2 · answered by likit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your husband that you expect and need things from him. If he brushes you off then let him know that you will need to take a break as it would benefit the both of you. This will make him open his eyes and this will help you to decide what you want in your life. You only live once and you need to be treated right and feel great about yourself. You never know maybe there is another woman that your man is interested in aswell and he just doesn't know how to tell you without hurting you. You need to be open with each other and things will work out for the best!
2006-09-17 12:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by joyall57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't just make a rash decision. Give yourself the time to think about what you want for yourself and what you want to do. Then go to your husband and sit down with and tell him exactly what you have told us. Make up your mind what you are going to do before you speak to him in case he decides you're not worth listening to or etc.... Tell him exactly what you want and what you feel your marriage is lacking. Ask him to fix it "together" then if he agrees to fix things then give yourself a time frame to see if it will work. If it does not then at least you know that you tried. Try to at least work things out...because sometimes running to another man doesn't always work and makes more of a mess. Do like I've done before. Sit down, write your pros and cons for your husband and the other man. Figure out what you will do and where you will go and make sure that you have the support of your friends and loved ones. YOU are the ultimate one that has to be happy with your decision. At least if you do walk away from your marriage you will know in your heart that you gave all that you could. I wish you luck hun!
2006-09-17 12:06:56 · answer #4 · answered by ~MissM~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously the two of you(husband and you) have some serious communication issues. The first thing you need to do is get the third party out of the situation. Tough I know but you are not in High School and just dating the first guy that asks you out. You are MARRIED. Remember those vowes you made? Deal with the relationship first. Find out why he is not loving you. At the end of the day the two of you need to learn to be open and honest with each other. That's for the good and bad. Don't kill the other one when they speak their mind. Let him speak it out. Then work together to get past it. If it doesn't work out and you get divorced then go find the other guy but until then he needs to keep out.
2006-09-17 12:06:03 · answer #5 · answered by RedC. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to (It sounds like you have already tried) have a very good and long chat with your husband. Tell him exactly how you feel and try and sort things out. Do not get impatient because you know that the other guy is there. Forget about the other guy and try and save your marriage before you do something stupid that you might regret later.
2006-09-17 12:43:43 · answer #6 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that he has come to find your friend of three years as competition. No wonder his attitude toward you soured. You are not so good hearted if you are contemplating an affair. you have become just another biitch who is close to cheating on her husband. You do not have a clue why his treatment of you changed. Maybe you should get your head out of your butt and take a good look at your marriage. Ask yourself from your husband's viewpoint, what's to love.
2006-09-17 12:15:41 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. First of all, you're feeling vulnerable, don't move in on this friend. If your husband is acting that way and doesn't care, then you must get out before you begin to start feeling worthless, undesirable and ugly, trust me. Why stay in a marriage when you're the only one working on it? Get out and get over him, you deserve much better. Please don't mess up and get into an affair that you'll end up in trouble with. Right now, you're starving for attention. Worry about feeding that attention when your husband it out of the picture. Hugs to you!
2006-09-17 12:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by swrong 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the relationship world.Try reading Dr. Phil's relationship rescue. As far as your friend goes,get him out of your life.He is now playing up to your emotions and you may find yourself sleeping with him soon.Do not go outside your relationship to try and find comfort.You could easily go from two guys to none in a flash.It is tough and it hurts.Maybe a little time away from each other will help him open up and at least talk.Good luck
2006-09-17 12:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be tempted into an affair - there cruel and emotionally draining and you love your husband - you say hes out doing god knows what ? It sounds like hes preoccupied elsewhere and needs to be reminded that he married you, give it to him straight and tell him things have to change otherwise you cant carry on and then take it from there.
2006-09-17 12:03:58 · answer #10 · answered by kinnoishere 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋