my partner left me i am the male, about 6 mth ago but been offically over since sale of house 5 mth ago.
anyways my father was not there for me as a child i have 3 fchildren and swore i would never leave them. i have picked them up at least once a week ever since but the hard part is this -
the relationship needed to end and i accept that but i still am deeply in love with her and 100% belive now i could be a better husband. i have no interest in anyone else i now run my own place moving on but i cant see me ever moving on emotionally from her we get along better now as friends and something tells me we will get back together in the future but is impossible now.
but doubt plays and i think now my life is just hanging on the hope of this happening.
any tips on how at least for now a year or so i can just let go emotionally of her? i cant live like this its killing me.
we even go places now and have a laugh but if i push it to far she shuts down all over again. so confused
2006-09-17 09:00:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It will take time but you will get over her eventually..she is not the one for you..most of us have been there and it is a horrible place to be but you will get through it...You need your friends around you to help you as well.
2006-09-20 13:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will tell. This is typical when a relationship ends or in ur case, changes. You do still have a relationship, just not what u want. You should use this time to evaluate what went wrong. If u truly believe that there is something left btwn u two to salvage, then it's a good thing not to repeat past mistakes. What is also important is that u decide if u genuinely want to cut the emotional ties. You can't want to be w/ her and at the same time work on emotionally detaching urself from her. I take it that this is a very confusing time for you, and you don't know what you want from one minute to the next. Maybe there needs to be a little more space put btwn u and ur ex. Try having someone else pick up the kids, or have her drop the kids off at ur door, so as to limit the contact w/ her. By limiting the time u two spend together may help the healing process. Also, do u really know how she feels? This situation cannot be forced either way. Just leave it all up to time, things sometimes have a way of working themselves out w/o much of our effort. Hope this helps and GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-17 16:37:33 · answer #2 · answered by Timber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't push her, concentrate on being the best father you can be to your children. While also concentrate on being the best friend your ex wife could possible want. It is a hard game, but you know what her moods are and go with them, make her realize that you are the best person to spend time with, but also you have to realize when she needs her space and let her have it - she will appreciate it and respect you even more for it.
Meanwhile take up a hobby, or interest so you are not totally focused on your relationship with your ex.
Don't be too pushy or clingy as that is a complete turn off.
2006-09-18 13:37:42 · answer #3 · answered by jaynie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have recently been in her position; she is afraid of being hurt again. In a long-term relationship there is much that goes awry; my now fiance and I split up a while ago and being apart from me he realized he is not as happy as he was when he was with me. He did change (for the better) and I am happy about it. He showed to me how he is better and I was reluctant to give in, afraid to be hurt again. I did and it is the best decision. The thing that we have done for us. Keeping things real between the two of you and maybe starting from the beginning again would be good for you. Taking her out on a date just the two of you would be good. If you feel as much love for her as I can feel you do, waiting is the key. Try some counseling and do what is best. You do not want to put the children in the middle; and let them know that you love them. Don't let them lose you. You know what it is like to be without a father, I've had mine my whole life and couldn't have done it without him; fathers are a key role in every childs life.
2006-09-17 17:24:31 · answer #4 · answered by snobunnieia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is still early days, the relationship has only just ended really. You need to get out more meet new people do new things. What is meant to be is meant to be, have you tried talking to ure ex about how u are feeling? Im glad ure standing by ure kids because this must be hard on them too! keep ure chin up it will get easier, keep ure distance from ure ex for a little bit without it effecting the kids that is, be civil but dont overstep that, best of luck with everthing i hope it all works out for you.
2006-09-17 16:24:26 · answer #5 · answered by EMMA O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet right now is to remain friends and get professional help in dealing with your feelings and whatever problems that might have been yours in the marriage. This will be a good thing if she finds out as youre taking the first step and matters in your own hands to correct your problems and/or to overcome her. If she does find out,invite her to attend one of your sessions as a way to find out if shes ready to retry again. Also the Dr or counselor will be able to get her involved back into the big picture where you cant. It may be a long shot but remember if you want something youre willing totake a risk, but if you want something bad enough, then you will risk everything! Good luck
2006-09-17 16:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her as a friend and take one day at a time. You need to let go. She seems to have made it clear she cant be with you how you'd like her to be. You have to accept this, and for the sake of the children, be friends with her.
Going places and having a laugh is only hurting you more so maybe you should limit access to seeing her only when you collect the kids for now until you get your head round things.
You both need space.
2006-09-17 16:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by Leiani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her sometime, any relationship needs two sides to work. maintain a good relationship with her like what you are doing now. She must be feeling not confident about getting togehter again for some reason. Think over it and how you can improve before raising this issue again.
meanwhile, find a support group or friend to support you thru. Good luck and take care.
2006-09-17 16:09:57 · answer #8 · answered by Ruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
soory to hear about the trouble.. but heres some advice.. three children later.. that took some time.. must have been signs that things arent working.. i was married almost 21 years.. with him since i was 14 married at 19.. have three great kids 17 19 21.. but.. he had issues with the bottle and controlling.. iwent along with it to make the best of it.. shooldnt have my kids are now talkking about the horror stories of listening to the crap all the time. i knew it was bad but when you hear it from your own its bad.. i cried.. so i made the decision two years ago on the 40 birthday tat enough was enough.. went to cousellors therapists all of that over the years.. i realized he wasnt going to change for me or our family.. he was the most improtant thing to him.. simple.. so after all that i bought him out,,, worked two jobs for 18 months and was dating up a storm... then one day met a man who stepped right into what i wanted and needed... loves our kids... works hard provides everything... we have been living togeter for almost one and half years.. im happy.... but for the ex he has moved on but emotionally cant... i was his world.. yes thats hurtfull..but think of your wife.. have you hurt her in the past the kids.. your life... im sure you had plenty of time to fix it and if it wasnt working let it go for yourself.. find what makes you hapy.. cant make somebody love ya back but you deserve to be loved also.. it will come.. its out there.. and im sure the next gal will benefit from all the right stuff.. you can move on.. it gets easier..... say a prayer....
2006-09-21 14:03:47 · answer #9 · answered by mamabella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to accept this relationship for what it is and stop holding out hope. If you are going to get back together it's going to be on her terms and not because of your desperation. Play it cool, for your own sake, STOP pushing it. Develop other interests and make new friendships. Let her see that you are moving on.
2006-09-17 16:05:44 · answer #10 · answered by porkchop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may not feel the same as you and its hard for you to deal with it you have to ask yourself whats more important
you and her being friends and getting along for the children and eachothers sakes or you pushing it for you both to be together and her telling you she doesnt want to be near you at all
try to get on with your life without her and who knows maybe there is a chance you might get back together with her but dont plan that it will work this way or you'll always be disapointed
2006-09-18 05:18:22 · answer #11 · answered by bexieboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋