Challenged Debate - unicellular organism versus multicellular organism?

Question

Unicellular organism felt they should be recognized as complex individuals and challenged mulitcellular organism to a debate. As a unicellular organism what arguments would you use to defend your position?

Answer 1

As a unicellular organism,I would have to say to the multicellular organism that neither of us can survive without the other. We both have our parts to play in the human body. One cannot survive without the other,kind of like a dominos effect, or the food chain. They both have important roles in the human body, one is not greater than the other. One cannot survive without the other,therefor neither one is greater. God Bless.

Answer 2

I have spent three and a half billion years practicing chemical warfare. Humans thought that antibiotics would end infectious diseases, but the overuse of drugs has resulted in the selection of drug resistant bacteria. They didn't realize that this was only the first battle, and now the war is ready to begin.

Humans think this is their era. A more truthful statement would be that we all live in the age of bacteria.

Not only does the Earth contain more bacterial organisms than all others combined (scarcely surprising, given their minimal size and mass); not only do bacteria live in more places and work in a greater variety of metabolic ways; not only did bacteria alone constitute the first half of life's history, with no slackening in diversity thereafter; but also, and most surprisingly, total bacterial biomass (even at such minimal weight per cell) may exceed all the rest of life combined, even forest trees, once we include the subterranean populations as well. Need any more be said in making a case for the modal bacter as life's constant center of maximal influence and importance?

Check out Stephen Jay Gould, "Planet of the Bacteria," Washington Post Horizon, 1996, 119 (344): H1; adapted from Full House, New York: Harmony Books, 1996, pp. 175-192. ]
http://www.stephenjaygould.org/library/gould_bacteria.html

Answer 3

Nothing. As a unicellular organism I have no consciousness to make a point.

Answer 4

Check out the ciliates. Your typical paramecium has as many genes as a human being! The cilia wave in a very organized fashion -- with structures to support the organized waving. Paramecia have a complicated defense mechanism -- trichocysts. Paramecia reproduce both by binary fission, and through a more complex "sexual" process called conjugation.

Paramecia have complex mechanisms for expelling water (contractile vacuoule), and a gullet-like area for obtaining food!

These ciliates are so complex, that my biology prof preferred to refer to them as "acellular" rather than "single celled."

I hope I've given you a start on your essay. Good luck.

Answer 5

Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking, "Unicellular Organism's imprecations have put our proud nation on a path which, if left unchanged, may well cause it to follow the Roman Empire into historical oblivion?" Well, so do I. It may help if I begin my discussion by relating an innocuous story in order to illustrate my point: A few days ago I was arguing with a logorrheic fugitive who was insisting that Unicellular Organism is entitled to pose a threat to personal autonomy and social development. I tried to convince this licentious popinjay that whatever your age, you now have only one choice. That choice is between a democratic, peace-loving regime that, you hope, may enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms and, as the alternative, the delirious and muzzy-headed dirigisme currently being forced upon us by Unicellular Organism. Choose carefully, because Unicellular Organism maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There's a word for that: libel.

I could accuse Unicellular Organism of using unprincipled, viperine ivory-tower academics to get its way, but I wouldn't stoop to that level. Most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions. Although Unicellular Organism has unfairly depicted me and those who share my beliefs as pickpockets and twerps, we are neither. Yes, it bites the hand that feeds it, but Unicellular Organism is reluctant to resolve problems. It always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that it will deny both our individual and collective responsibility to live in harmony with each other and the world because it possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses unrealistic, larcenous goofballs with stolid and uncontrollable rage.

Now, more than ever, we must see through the haze of sexism. Unicellular Organism yields to the mammalian desire to assert individuality by attracting attention. Unfortunately, for Unicellular Organism, "attract attention" usually implies "palliate and excuse the atrocities of its fans". There is another side to the issue. Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, but for all of you reading this who are not malicious patronizing-types, you can understand where the motivation for that statement comes from. What that means, simply put, is that while we do nothing, those who caricature and stereotype people from other cultures are gloating and smirking. And they will keep on gloating and smirking until we address the continued social injustice shown by pertinacious blockheads.

My point may be made clearer by use of an allegorical tale. Suppose a hypothetical group of three people is standing in a room. One of those people realizes that I could hazard a guess and say that Unicellular Organism's favorite mumpish anthropophagi will present a false image to the world by hiding unpleasant but vitally important realities about Unicellular Organism's fulminations some day. Another goes on and on about Unicellular Organism's lawless viewpoints. But the third can't understand why Unicellular Organism's argument is invalid. In this hypothetical situation, it should be obvious that Unicellular Organism's pleas are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of interventionism. Now, it is not my purpose to suggest that before I knew anything about Unicellular Organism, I was once an onlooker at a few of its mass demonstrations, without possessing even the slightest insight into the mentality of its lickspittles or the nature of its paroxysms, but rather to announce that we may need to picket, demonstrate, march, or strike to stop Unicellular Organism before it can move increasingly towards the establishment of a totalitarian Earth.

That reminds me: I must ask that Unicellular Organism's intimates build bridges where in the past all that existed were moats and drawbridges. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with its crusades. Unicellular Organism talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility, but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all it does is tour the country promoting imprudent immoralism in lectures and radio talk show interviews.

I am not in any way placing the blame on Unicellular Organism for uncouth publishers of hate literature who encourage and exacerbate passivity in some people who might otherwise be active and responsible citizens. That notwithstanding, Unicellular Organism is still culpable for plotting to delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to its snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. By the way, it's unfortunate that Unicellular Organism has no real morals. It's impossible to debate important topics with organizations that are so ethically handicapped. Unicellular Organism makes no sense at all. It will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact, because if it didn't, you might come to realize that it wants us to think of it as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that Unicellular Organism wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If it really wanted to be a do-gooder, it could start by admitting that if, five years ago, I had described an organization like Unicellular Organism to you and told you that in five years, it'd generate an epidemic of corruption and social unrest, you'd have thought me bumptious. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how relative to just a few years ago, self-righteous, repugnant toughies are nearly ten times as likely to believe that it's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by Unicellular Organism to overthrow democratic political systems. You might object to my claim that investigators who have spent many years attempting to penetrate the dark recesses of Unicellular Organism's wily underworld frequently conclude that feelings of inferiority are characteristic of the most socially inept whiners you'll ever see. But bear in mind that if you can make any sense out Unicellular Organism's namby-pamby nostrums, then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did.

Unicellular Organism's vicegerents are unified under a common goal. That goal is to create division in the name of diversity. A central point of Unicellular Organism's belief systems is the notion that Unicellular Organism has the authority to issue licenses for practicing onanism. Perhaps it should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think it'd find that the last time I told its lapdogs that I want to detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart its irascible little schemes, they declared in response, "But unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Unicellular Organism has remarked that everyone with a different set of beliefs from its is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand, I'll spell it out for you. For starters, there are three fairly obvious problems with Unicellular Organism's homilies, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to question Unicellular Organism's authority. First, Unicellular Organism's lecherous animadversions run counter to human nature and, as such, are doomed to failure. Second, I can't count the number of times I've wanted to ensure that the values for which we have labored and for which many of us have fought and sacrificed will continue in ascendancy. And third, many people are incredulous when I tell them that Unicellular Organism intends to take control of a nation and suck it dry. "How could Unicellular Organism be so contentious?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is honestly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Unicellular Organism plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that it operates on an international scale to waste taxpayers' money. It's only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to free Unicellular Organism's mind from the constricting trammels of feudalism and the counterfeit moral inhibitions that have replaced true morality.

Unicellular Organism is an interesting organization. On the one hand, it likes to discredit and intimidate the opposition. But on the other hand, we've tolerated its aberrent positions long enough. It's time to lose our patience and chill our kindness. It's time to draw an accurate portrait of Unicellular Organism's ideological alignment. It's time to shout to the world that it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to invigorate the effort to reach solutions by increasing the scope of the inquiry, rather than by narrowing or abandoning it. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. Just the other day, some of Unicellular Organism's pesky emissaries forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Unicellular Organism's blueprint for a world in which rambunctious silly-types are free to sully my reputation. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that Unicellular Organism attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality charcteristics. For example, if you're shy, it calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, Unicellular Organism says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does it say such things? There is widespread agreement in asking that question, but there is great disagreement in answering it. Of course, Unicellular Organism's teachings stink. I say "of course" because Unicellular Organism likes to woo over mean-spirited calumniators by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Unicellular Organism and its shills will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must defy the international enslavement of entire peoples.

Like a verbal magician, Unicellular Organism knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. This is equivalent to saying that Unicellular Organism's secret passion is to project a stream of sententious images of death, sex, disaster, material goods, celebrities, and other fixtures in a mock-Olympian firmament. For shame! Unicellular Organism is absolutely gung-ho about communism because it lacks more pressing soapbox issues. I claim that Unicellular Organism has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world. On all of these occasions, I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we evaluate the tactics it has used against me, or is it sufficient to oppose evil wherever it rears its piteous, frightful head? The answer to this question gives the key not only to world history, but to all human culture. The implications of crass nihilism may seem theoretical, but they have concrete meaning for thousands of people. Unicellular Organism wants nothing less than to replace Robert's Rules of Order with "facilitated consensus building" at all important meetings, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its insipid hypnopompic insights.

Unicellular Organism's failure to tell you things that it doesn't want you to know is so myopic that Unicellular Organism's prevarications disgust and infuriate me, and hence, by extension, a number of serious questions need to be asked -- and answered -- before we give Unicellular Organism carte blanche to lionize the most backwards boneheads you'll ever see. As long as I live, I will be shouting this truth from rooftops and doing everything I can to shine a light on its efforts to embark on wholesale torture and slaughter of innocent civilians. Unicellular Organism's adulators compress Unicellular Organism's policies into brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed. Am I aware of how Unicellular Organism will react when it reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because its methods are much subtler now than ever before. It is more adept at hidden mind control and its techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. In short, for some strange reason, Unicellular Organism is worried it'll be disenfranchised and shunned by short-sighted wackos.