No communication between husband and myself. Why do we argue over everything?

Question

Here lately we can't talk about anything without arguing. The sky can be blue and we will argue what shade of blue.We have been married 17 yrs. and I believe we have had all we can take of each other. When he wants to be good he can be. Most of the time he is rude and hateful. We have three children and they don't want the divorce between us. They say he has issues aren't me and I feel like he always blames his problems on me and he is never happy with me. I don't want a divorce. I don't want to be so unhappy anymore either. I am so confused as to what to do. Someone out there please help me!!!

Answer 1

You realize you may need some professional help. You can't change him. The only thing you can change is your behavior and the way you react. Changing your behavior would be like trying to move a mountain. It is going to take alot of work. Also, you don't always have to be right. If always being right sacrifices your marriage and family then maybe you can just be quiet sometimes for the sake of the marriage and family.

Answer 2

Try this. If you start to argue, take a time out and separate for 10 minutes. Then come together again and try talking about it. If you start to argue again, then table it and agree to discuss it with a counselor. Also, if you are arguing or are upset about something, make sure you are holding hands while you argue. Send the message that you love each other and are there for each other and it will be harder to argue. Divorce should be a last resort. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I hear you loud and clear! Divorce does affect the children more than people realize.

The most common solution is to seek marriage counseling, if he is willing to go.

If he is not, is he willing to answer some of your questions? For example if you asked him if anything is bothering him? Is there something that maybe you did that he is holding over you (not that you did anything, just an example).

Most men get "moody" when their job isn't going well or they are sexually frustrated.

Do you date or have your children taken over your marriage (very common)?

Do you want to remain in the relationship with him? If so, try this. When ever he grumbles or complains, reply with kindness. Out of the blues, go over and give him a kiss, compliment him. If the subject starts turning into a discussion, change it to something less stressful. Try to find humor.

I know there is much underlying stress there that you haven't mentioned. If you want to talk some more, feel free to e-mail me.

Meanwhile, talk to friends who will support you.

Answer 4

Well, you should think of what brought you two togehter in the first place, how it used to be back at the beginning of your relationship and try reliving those special moments. Try to avoid arguing and when it happens try changing the subject... After 17 years guess you know each other pretty well so try to use this in order to avoid those subjects of conversation that usually end up in an argue.... Good luck!

Answer 5

That is so ironic, because I am going through the same thing myself, my husband is very vengeful and its tearing us apart, when i try and talk to him about it, he says he doesn't want to listen to my BS. I have to two children and all they do is see us at each other, which is what I don't like. My husband recently told me I am not his soulmate and he doesn't love me the same way he used to. I have to call my husband literally 15 times before he answers his cell or work phone. We disagree on everything, but yet I still have to be there to cook and clean and take care of him, I think you should try couseling its worth a shot if you really love him, but you both have to want the marriage to work.

Answer 6

i don't believe in separation. so please don't separate that just means sometimes that one or both will go outside of their marriage. and it don't suppose to be like that. maybe he is having problems at work, or might be bored at home. the predictable can be frustrating at times. when you talk to each other don't accuse, say what i am hearing and explain... better yet try this. serve him. not only sexually, but mentally and physically. when you have done all that you can keep serving, he will eventually come around. don't argue, simply state what you want to state and let it be like that. don't nag him, who wants to hear that right. try something new in all areas. good luck and god bless. i don't like divorces, so keep trying to serve him and think positive

Answer 7

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Answer 8

me and my husband argue alot but are always able to resolve it..we can fight about the dumbest things and maybe he has to get away for a few hours but then its all fine and good...u guys shud try counseling 17 years is a big deal dont just throw it away!

Answer 9

If he doesn't want to speak to u about it, give him the space to work on his issues himself. Simply tell him that when he's ready to talk to u like an adult and not as a sounding board, u will be there. For now, give him space to work it out himself.

Answer 10

OBVIOUSLY THERE IS SOME ANGER HERE GOING ON. I AM CERTAIN IF YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH YOU WILL REALIZE WHAT IT IS.
ANY DRINKING GOING ON?
ANY CHEATING?
SOUNDS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO PUNISH YOU FOR SOMETHING, AND MAYBE IT IS SOMETHING HE HAS DONE.
YOU MUST REMEMBER, IF YOU DON'T MAKE ANY COMMENTS BACK, WHO IS HE GOING TO ARGUE WITH. DON'T ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE. THIS JUST GIVES ME MORE OF AN EXCUSE TO KEEP GOING.
I REALLY DON'[T BELIEVE IT HAS TO DO WITH DISAGREEING ABOUT THINGS. HAVE THERE BEEN ANY OTHER CHANGES?
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