I am trying to keep my cool but!?

Question

My Husbands mom wants her mom to move into our one bedroom apartment becuase she cannot stand the girl that just moved into her familys place where she has been staying.His Mom does not want her mom to move in with her becuase she does not want her their 24-7 when she comes home buggin her.......So i guess she wants her mom to bug me and stay with me......Not to mention I have a 10 month old son to stay at home and take care of/I am 8 months pregnant and this is a 1 bedroom APARTMENT.....while DAD works all day....UH we cant have 5 ****** people in a one bedroom apt....AND nobody even ask me if she could move in or not and MY name is the only one on the lease? So what the hell would you do?

Answer 1

Tell her what you just told us here.

If that doesn't work, ask her to move out with her mother.

Answer 2

I can see your point, but for a second put yourself in this woman's shoes. She is elderly (I'm assuming 65+ years old), has no job or income that will support her independently, and she has to rely on the generosity of her family to sustain her. Imagine how she feels. Unloved, unwanted, a nuisance, a burden on everyone, and frightened of what the future holds for her. She is living somewhere and for whatever reason cannot cope in her present circumstances. All she wants is to be needed by someone and to feel that she can still make a valuable contribution somewhere.

With that said, you are correct in stating that 5 people cannot live in a one bedroom apartment. Imagine how she must feel being asked to sleep on the couch or worse! I'm sure she isn't thrilled with the idea either. You need a bigger apartment anyhow. Two kids and two adults are too many to put in a one bedroom apartment. You could be turning your nose up at a live in sitter, housekeeper, cook... Instead of lashing out in anger, try some empathy. You'll be able to sleep better at night.

Tell hubby you two need a bigger place and he's going to have to get another job on the side to support it. But try not to be too harsh on this woman. I don't think she has much say in what is happening to her. Remember, some day you may find yourself in her shoes and they are a very uncomfortable fit...

I'm sure your lease states how many people can live in your apartment and you're most likely already past that limit. Your city probably has an ordinance regarding occupancy limits as well.

Answer 3

For starters, it's not your mother-in-law's place to move someone else into YOUR home... especially a 1 bedroom apartment. You need to sit down and point this issue out to her, as well as logically discuss the issue of having no place to put grandma.

You can also explain that you'd have the same situation of the 24/7 thing as she would! It's HER mother... let HER deal with her.

And your husband should be not only defending you, but speaking up to tell his mother these things himself.

Answer 4

that an awfull amount of pressure put on you with two small kids its hard enough as it is without having this on your plate aswell what will happen when the new baby comes and it will be up crying at night for its feed, that will be impossible to do in a one bed appartment, you will feel that you have to keep the baby quite so everyone wont be up aswell. let your husbands mom deal with it she is just placing the pressure elsewhere and thats just selfish. you think of your kids first they are all that matters, and if their routine is broken do you think anyone will care and step up to help i dont think so they will have their own lives to worry about. i hope things work out for you hun, best of luck! just talk to them and let them know ure concerns.

Answer 5

I'd get rid of the whole lot. Your 10 month old is more important than your husband's family. Regardless if it's his mother, or Grandmother. This is a downright imposition put upon you unfairly. Let your husband know how you feel. Then if he isn't man enough to tell his family to go to hell. You tell them all(including your husband) to go to hell.

Answer 6

IS THIS PERSON SO UNREASONABLE THAT YOU CAN NOT SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH THEM. FIRST OF ALL, I THINK YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP AND SAID "no". WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
HOW RUDE OF SOMEONE TO THINK THEY CAN BARGE IN ON YOUR LIFE, ESPECIALLY IN A 1 BEDROOM APARTMENT. MY DAUGHTER HAS FIVE BEDROOMS AND I WOULD NOT THINK OF INTRUDING.
YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE TO SAY NO AND IF PEOPLE GET MAD TOOOO BAD. TRY TALKING TO THEM FIRST. EXPLAIN THAT IT WOULD PUT YOU UNDER TOO MUCH STRESS FOR MANY REASONS. I PERSONALLY THINK YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE MAN ENOUGH TO STEP UP AND HANDLE THE SITUATION, WHY PUT YOU IN THIS POSITION.
IT COULD BE THAT YOUR LEASE WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO STAY. THAT MIGHT BE A WAY OUT. CHECK THAT ONE OUT WITH THE MGR.
GOOOD LUCK.
SORRY YOUR HUSBAND DID NOTHING.

Answer 7

Your name is the only one on the lease. Remember a family member can't be forced onto you when you have your own growing family to worry about. It's your family you must be concerned about not your in-laws. It's merely priorities that need to be set.

Answer 8

Explain to your husband that there is no possible way she can live with you guys. Your living quarters are cramped now. Where is she suppose to sleep, in your bed? You have to stand up for yourself and talk to your husbands mom and explain that there is no room for her. Please, don't get angry with me, but you have to understand my circumstances. You and your husband should tell her together. Good luck!

Answer 9

tell your husbands mom she needs to just lay it out flat for her and say that say she doesn't have the space or that she just cant handle have somebody else in the house right now.

Answer 10

Yes you are right.