Was I used, did she already disconnect?

Question

My wife and I are seperated we had been married for 12 years. 3 years ago we moved in with my mom in law on a bunch of promises that were never kept. long story short lots of fighting took place over these promises and my wife became closer and closer to her mother and started acting more like a daughter than a wife, we built a new addition onto my mom in law house. I got tired of trying to get her attention, the fighting, and not feeling loved, so I left, then I tried to tell her it was the circumstances not her and she does not want me back, she is living in the new house with her mom and my kids while I am alone. The pastor of the church seems to think I was nothing more than a paycheck to her in the end. Does it sound like I was being used and she stopped loving me a long time ago as I felt or can you really decide in a day and half while your husband of 12 years is gone you do not want him anymore? Confused

Answer 1

That probably doesn't happen over a day and a half...but you didn't decide to leave the second you did it either. You said yourself that over that last 3 years you two have been arguing and fighting...so its happened for her over the last 3 years just like it happened for you over the last 3 years. Time will give you a more clear perspective about what went wrong. However, you don't stay married to someone for 12 years for his paycheck...what kind of pastor do you have??? If you think back do you remember her telling you she was unhappy and what about over the last few years? Its rare that a woman wouldn't...its not so rare that a man wouldn't hear her when she did and thats normally what happens...wife tries over and over and over again to tell husband she is unhappy...husband dubs her a nag and or a b*tch and doesn't hear a thing she says....wife gets tired of not being heard and bails on relationship...husband can't figure out why. Happens everyday! Good luck, it will get better. Instead of trying to figure out how its all HER fault and she is the bad guy figure out what the two of you screwed up and what your part in it was, I guarantee you had some part in it, it takes two to make a great relationship and two to break one. Doing that is the only way you will keep from making the same mistakes in your next relationship. A good example of this is your line about how she is in the house with mom and kids while you are alone....you are alone because YOU left your family and if you can't even connect those dots I wonder what else you are missing.

Answer 2

LIsten to dappersmom. She is correct. No woman "uses" a man for 12 years and has his children just for a paycheck, unless of course you are excessively wealthy and that is obviously not true because you had to go live with your in-laws. There have apparently been issues for years that you have either not accepted or chosen to ignore. Concentrate now on being a good father and spend time with your children.

I also have to wonder what sort of "pastor" you have been speaking with.......

Answer 3

Does it really make a difference at this point

Your job now is to make sure you see your children regularly. Take some time to go over the events of what happened just to make sure when you're ready to get into another relationship you don't repeat your mistakes.

She may have been completely wrong but you either allowed the events that took place to happen or you contributed to them.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear that, but yes, you were used. Sometimes, as in your case, it takes a big chunk of time to find that out.

Answer 5

Sounds like you were used. Sorry.

Answer 6

You were used, sorry to say, but things will get better for you.

Answer 7

yes you was just a paycheck