Why has my husband gone off me?

Question

Hasn't come near me in a while. Has left me on numerous occasions for a week or so in the hope we can work things out, then things are great for a month or so then he goes cold again. Has had a spurt of bad luck this year so I think may be related to depression. Insists still loves me and doesn't want it to end, but doesn't know how to want to feel close again. I've tried being extremely loving and giving etc. but not getting anything back. Already tried Relate. Have ruled out an affair but what else could it be and what can I do?

Answer 1

may well be depression if luck is that bad, he needs to talk to a counsellor or doctor. sorry to say this but he may well want to be on his own and doesn't want to hurt you. he needs to open up to you, try shock tactics and tell him you feel lonely and unloved and unless he talks to you, like adults should do, then the relationship is going nowhere . you want to help him and you want your marriage to work, but some thing needs to change for you both to be happy again

Answer 2

Where has he gone? I think he is very depressed. He may need to go talk to someone. Are you for sure 100% he has never cheated on you. Maybe he is just going through something and just needs his space. Maybe try marriage concealing. Does he work? Maybe he is having problems at work. I know it seems he is pushing you away. And it hurts, but maybe he is afraid to tell you the truth. What if he did cheat on you? What would you do? It takes two to make a marriage work it is very hard what could you do to ease up on him. How long has this been going on? He maybe trying to find out if he in deed is in love with you. Sometimes people go in different directions. And grow apart. I hope this is not true. Just let him know you are there for him. You sometimes can not change how a person is on your own. You need to take care of yourself too.

Answer 3

The up and leaving is a disturbing factor.
There is evidently some problems in his life.
Seriously he needs some professinal help.
You need to insist he gets some couseling. This will not work. You are and you are going to be the one doing the suffering here.
Have you tried to find out where he goes when he takes off like this. I hate to say it , but he just may be having some affairs.

time to get active and have a good chit chat with him.
for your own happiness insist he get help Depression could be possible and needs treatment.

Answer 4

Will sounds like he is suffering from depression,and really needs some medical help, or some sort of counselling, can't really understand why he leaves you for a week or so, where does he go and what does he do?, have you asked him, try to talk to him about all these issues, and see what happens........good luck and god bless, sure hope you can work things out

Answer 5

You said that he has bad luck this year and he might be depress
that might be just the reason that he is withdrawn
do you think you can talk him into seeing a psychiatrist
some man (people) have tough time dealing with failure
and when they fail ate something it effect everything in their life
just support him like you have been doing and pray that he find his way back from what ever he is going throw
Good luck

Answer 6

So, if you've ruled out a mistress, how about a mister? Your husband wouldn't be the first married man (with or without children) to finally decide that he needs to "be true to himself" and come out of the closet.

I wouldn't let the situation go on much longer without giving him an ultimatum. It is not fair of him to expect you to put your life on hold while he finds himself.

The way you have described the problem, I'd say the marriage is over no matter what. It is best for you to get out of it now, so you can get your grieving and healing over and done with and move on with your life.

Answer 7

go with your instinct and gut feelings, and I'm so sorry but you are most properly right> an affair looks that way , i know about that.
best thin you can do is sort ov go cold on him. buy some nice underwear nice clothes put a little more makeup on than usuall, he will notice. and its up 2 you. to find out what exactly he is up to. and u will its just time. good luck. and go 4 it. your a strong independent woman x

Answer 8

depression seems most likely. when youre down its difficult so appreciate even the most precious of things. i suppose your going to have to stay strong and give him as much support as you can until he gets back to normal again.

if i were you i'd try not to make too much out of it, if he's feeling low the last hing he needs is to be worrying about the state of the relationship. i know it seems unfair but my advise is be selfless for a while and point out anything positive rather than feeling like you have to concentrate and talk about the negatives.

Answer 9

I've been in your position and I know there's not much you can do. It's him that has the problems and believe me, no matter how nice and loving you are to him it will never be enough if he just doesn't feel the same.

You can't keep a marriage together single-handedly and if he can't make the decision himself then the best thing might be for you to make up his mind for him.

Answer 10

A good rule of thumb is to look at how a person is treating you, if you can honestly say that they wouldn't like it if the shoe were on the other foot, and you were treating them in this way, then it's time to throw in the towel. Sorry to say it, but it sounds like you might be at that point.

Best of luck to you!