Dump him or keep him?

Question

I have been with him for over a year and we both had recently divorced. he has 2 kids 14 & 19, I have 4 kids 10, 6, 5, & 4. He loves my kids and i love his! HI am madly in love with this man but he has never said he loves me back. When i asked him why he says when he tells me that he loves me know that he really means it. ahh sweet hu. well that was 4 months ago. If we've been together 16months and he's not sure if he loves me is he ever gonna? I have kids that love him and he tell s them he loves them all the time. What happens if he never falls in love with me ? I can't talk to him about it he changes the subject or says why try to fix it if it's not broken? When I think about life without him I can't breath. But it bothers me sooo much not to be loved. I have tryed EVERYTHING to make this man love me. I have changed things in my life, my home and in bed. Everything for the better. He hasn't changed who i am just made me a better person. But I need him to love me the way I love him

Answer 1

Amber, mother of 4 your 'bio' puts you age at 25? Still in college? Divorced. He is recently divorced? You've been with him since you were 23 or 24 years old? He has a child a few years younger than you.

My guess is that your first husband was an older addicted, abusive, jerk that took advantage of you. I would also guess that you did not have a protective father figure during your early adolescence. Many children need a strong father 'figure' to promote the child's self-confidence, personality, and self worth. This person often helps the child to know and love themselves.
Your man may not love you, but not for the reasons you think... he may not love you because there is no "YOU" there... you are a Mom four times over, an ex-wife, a girlfriend, a student etc... You are very busy being other people. Take time off from this relationship, get to know and love yourself. You're only 25!? Both of you are recently divorced, both of you need time to heal. You have to be and love yourself first, then he may love you. If you don't want to take time off for yourself do it for your children. Show them something they have not seen in a while a self-confident, strong mother, who doesn't need a man to validate her as a person. Your children do not want to see you in another relationship that you are not loved. You wrote that 'you can't breath without him', what you don't realize is that you're probably suffacating him.

Answer 2

I think being newly divorced is the reason he hasnt told you how he feels. Im sure he is afraid of getting hurt again. In time he will tell you he loves you. Dont take it personally. Some men just have a hard time expessing themselves. Just keep on loving him the way you have been. Im sure if he didnt love you he wouldnt be in a realtionship with a woman who has 4 kids already. You should be thankful you have a man who cares so much about your kids.

Answer 3

He's probably just scared to admit, due to the divorce in his past. I say stop pushing him, if you love him, just give it some time. Things will work out the way they are meant to be, us women just want things to happen faster than they're meant to. Just enjoy being with him and don't pressure him any more about it, and I'm sure he'll realize how much he does love you and let his guard down and tell you. Just try and be patient. Pushing the issue will just push him away from you. Good Luck!

Answer 4

#1 do not try to force anything men will shut down.

i imagine it is not anything that you have done or are doing that keeps him from telling you that he loves you. i would look more to what has happened in his previous marriage.

for alot of men it is hard to break down the walls that took so long to build around their heart, it sounds to me that it is a commitment issue. he feels that if he tells you he loves you he has to marry you and it is something he probably doesn't want to do again anytime soon after what he went through. however when he tells the kids he loves them the pressure isn't there to marry.

just don't push then as he told you when he tells you he loves you you can rest assured that he means it from the depths of his soul.

men do not like to talk about being scared so as he changes the subject remember you are scareing the hell out of him, it takes alot of time to get over being hurt as you well know, give him room to breath and he will come around.

Answer 5

The important thing is how he ACTS around you. Does he treat you like he loves you? Maybe his wounds are still too sore to speak the words to you. Give him some more time, but also be aware that he might not be able to say those words for a long time. How important are the words anyway? My husband and I don't say the words to each other much because it seems silly. We show our love all the time. I do say it to my son but that doesn't mean I don't love my husband.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you have a serious co-dependancy issue. This person must have some type of feelings for you, although they may be more what you can do for him and the kids. If he hasn't said he has loved you in all this time, he either doesn't or has some serious commitment issues. You need to go to counseling and get yourself straightened out, and learn to love yourself and make changes in yourself to please you first. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Chances are he is gun shy. You may have to pin him down and ask him how he really feels. If he doesn't love you, you may have to learn to live with out him before any long. Either that, or you may have to learn to live with a man that you adore but who doesn't love you in return. That doesn't sound like a great life. Good luck.

Answer 8

Hes bangin you and diggin it and he does not want to give up free sex and is probably too naive to go out and get it somewhere else. Either he loves you or he dont and if he dont, you probably better keep your options open for someone else.

Answer 9

He have been divorce. He might feel that you might hurt him especially if he have given his heart. He have not treated you differently. You know he cares about you. There is not a time limit when someone tells you "I love you". Give him time.

Answer 10

Well if I were u i would set him down at a nice romantic dinner and talk about it. It sounds like you love him ALOT!!! Tell him that, and mabey he will finally relize it.