i don't have a sex drive...what should i do???

Question

ok here's the thing: I just had a c-section 2 1/2 months ago, i pump and feed the baby with my breast milk all the time, i'm still kind of teander on my lower stomach and i'm on birth control...Now my husband always wants to have sex, but i just don't want to do anything in bed even though he says it's ok he'll wait as long as it takes, i feel sorry for him but i don't want to fake that it felt good anymore. He tried a bunch of stuff to get me in the mood but i just don't feel like it at all. all i want to do b4 bed is pump and then just cuddle with him but he wants more... we talked about it he seems to understand but i can tell he's down in the dumps... what should i do to get in the mood and not pretend that i am?

Answer 1

You are tired, you had a baby,, Kids are work, tell him to help out,, breast feeding is tiring up every couple hours,,,,

he sounds like he understand, pump your breasts and ask him to get up once or twice and let you get some rest,

nothing is wrong with you,,

Answer 2

This is a tricky question as there are various things that can be going on with you that may or may not have a lot to do with you physically, emotionally, and mentally.

First, you've only just had a baby and the hormones are STILL bouncing off the wall. No if ands or buts about it. You've just passed the 6 week "you can have sex now" period. Babies demand a lot of time and breastfeeding is not an easy task. You're lacking sleep; your hormones are trying to get back on track; your body physically doesn't look and feel the same; and your sex drive DOES tend to dwindle when all these things are going on at once. I can appreciate that he's trying to understand and you're communicating with each other. This is great! Don't stop talking and trying to come up with creative things to rekindle that old or even new feelings.

Secondly, it's ok to have a family member or friend watch the baby for a couple of hours, so you can both get out and be a couple too. You've got to take time for yourself too. Babies change your life, but you still need 'me time'. You have to have a sense of self as you evolve with the various aspects of the mother role, the wife role, and the lover role. So schedule time once or every couple of weeks to have you and he time PLUS an hour to yourself too. You deserve pampering to get yourself back on track. DO NOT deny yourself this. Women can get so overwhelmed with the mothering and all the roles we take up that we forget ourselves and lose our identities.

Finally, if there's pain or your body has changed so much that you need aids or to see a doctor--DO IT. As much as some want to deny it, sex IS a fundamental part of a marriage/relationship. You BOTH need to be happy and satisfied. So changing or adding say role play or an unplanned quickie; phone sex; whatever can help than do it. It's your relationship and your business, no one elses. Your interest WILL come back if you nurture yourself and pay attention to what is going on with your body and his desires as well. If you need to ease back into enjoying sex by masturbating, then do it. You know your body more than anyone else. Maybe your 'buttons' have changed, so you both need to know which ones to push.

I hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 3

OH hun...this is sooooo normal. Our bodies do this on purpose for we are not suppose to get pregnant for 12-18 months after giving birth. Having a low sex drive helps do this. So many face this issue after having a baby. Try not to dwell on it too much. You dont feel sexy and your drained. You dont get proper sleep and all your concerns is for the baby. Birth control can lower your sex drive as well. Maybe try changing to another brand. Dont beat yourself up over this and thank goodness your husband is understanding for if he wasnt it would make you clam up even more. What a great guy you have. Try some products that might enhance your libido. One that comes to mind is nympho viagra which is a female heightener. You may find this at www.pureromance.com You just apply the creme and wait 10 minutes. Its safe and does work. Alot of the lotions make the stimulation that much more intense. Also, I find a shave job on the pubes helps for stimulation as well. Try reading a romance novel as your holding your baby to maybe arouse your sex drive. When your baby sleeps, you should sleep. I'm sure hubby wont mind the house being alittle unorganized for a day or two when later he will be highly rewarded. hehe Good luck

Answer 4

It happens. Its a psychological thing and its in our genes. Most of the mammals take their cubs away from males so as to ensure their safety. Thats how god has designed the mammals. Even though we have evolved and become a very complex animal those primal things will never go away from the genes. You just had a baby and the baby is the one who needs more care. The birth and rapid changes of your body and hormones affect the way you think big time. First things first. Consult a doc. Don take this lightly and you might end up facing serious depression. try doin exercises n make your body fit. Once your body is healthy sex drive should automatically emerge. Take a little more break.
And he's your hubby not a stranger...talk to him about your problem. Tell him that you want to get it solved.

Remember...you fake it once you'll have to fake it till you confess you were. Isnt talking to him better?

Answer 5

This is completly normal and your hormones are still not balanced. This happened to me and it last longer than I wanted. It turned out it was my birth control pills. Maybe ask your doctor for a lower dose one. Sounds like you have a awesome husband. If you want to try to get in the mood, dress up pretty do your hair, one glass of wine wont hurt if breastfeeding. And start things slow you dont have to have intercourse. Have some good old fashion make out sessions like the old days....... Everything will work out you will see. But ask doc about BC pills

Answer 6

My wife went thru the same thing and she took some anti-depressants for a little while after giving birth. She said mostly it was her feeling she wasn't sexy anymore or she was still a fat cow but it was all in her head.

She took them for a few months and things got back to normal and she eventually started stepping her one a day to half a day and finally is done taking them.

In the meantime yes you could please him in other ways b/c let me tell you as a male missing out on sex is really high on the "this sucks" list.

Answer 7

Don't give up....talk to your Doc, talk to your hubby, read those sexy steamy novels...get a sitter...begin gentle work outs and try yoga ( i just love yoga), ***find a few things to wear that YOU like yourself in, accentuate on your sexiest body parts (your eyes, toes, shoulders or whatever) pamper yourself and begin by sharing massages for several days, *explore each other (stay in your comfort zone, very important*), and take it slow... start out , with just making out...nothing more! give yourself time to build up some yummy anticipation!!!!! do this for a good while...a couple weeks, then eventually the other will happen.

Answer 8

Sex after childbirth is a huge problem most women encounter because in this stage most relationship collapses. You are in a process of recovering yourself. Changes in this stage are sometimes depressing – PHYSICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL plus unexpected problems (Financial, Stability, and Relationship). You need rest, time to recover. But you have responsibility to serve… for your baby yet to your beloved husband. It’s nice to know that your husband is concern about changes but somewhat it still needs to be widened. Remember it is also hard for him to accept changes in his part, he’s watching you and don’t know how to act accordingly to your needs. The baby needs you… and he needs you. We don’t want to confuse him.
YOU WILL NEVER PRETEND - YOU DON’T NEED TO.
IF HE’S NOT AWARE, INFORM HIM.
Tell him first that you love him and proud of him (set bonding for the father and the baby so he’ll never feel left alone. Emphasize their connection, the likes. In short make him proud to have his genes on the baby) and tell him you appreciate his every effort and presence. After that in the right timing tell him what you feel (“sometimes I am scared that my belly would come out (your fears or worries),” or something that would make him understand your concerns in a polite or assuring manners that you won’t hurt his ego, “If you would consider giving me sometime to heal (condition) so I could make your world rocks! (benefit)” And some giggles (assurance with a twist!).)

If you want to please him you need to condition your self and to concentrate/mindset to the act.

I would post further help.

Answer 9

Sweetie, this is common with woman that have had a baby. You partner has to understand that your hormones are playing havoc with you phyical and emotion. Do not feel sorry for him, that just makes you feel guilty. You have had a bub and you are also caring for this little one.

Answer 10

You have 2 choices.....one... is to maintain the family relationship by pleasing him...or ...two...let him go to the prostitute...You should be happy that you can turned him on still.