Part 2 How and when to end your marriage?

Question

I spent 3 mos working the 3 jobs, he didn't lift a finger in the house cook or clean and things have never been worse. My husband and teen boys don't think they need to pick up, are disrespectful to me and he can't see the damage this is doing to his children, only to say that it is my fault that things are this way. Husband has always had an excuse and will twist the truth. I am moving forward in my business and also promoting the fitness ctr. I will take care of my kids but I have no $$ for a cleaning person, I think it would send the wrong message to my kids if I did. Therefore I have let the house work suffer, some nights don't sleep trying to work on it, and my husband refuses to help, or get the kids to, has managed to twist the truth many times, trying to make me feel guilty or to blame. Yet will accuse me of playing games with him and has told my daughter that I manipulate their relationship. This is more harmful to my kids and I just don't know how to fix anymore.

Answer 1

I am nearly a master at twisting words not through trying but simply by convincing myself of things. Its one of my worst habits and is very harmful to adults not to metnion kids as in this situation. Your children will hear things and watch as your hubby pulls what he want to hear from the convo and then uses it against you out of context. They will learn this behavior and see that even if their position is wrong they can confuse and agiate the other party to the point where they are easily persuaded.

Chances are he does this b/c of a defensive mechanism and by not listening 100% to what you are trying to communicate. You may say "apples are red" but he may hear "oranges cant be red because apples are".

I am married and make the money in the house but I also take care of our son while my wife goes to school. My schedule allows me to be home all week usually so I cook, clean, wash clothes and do all that yummy housework while watching the wild 7month old.

Your husband should be supporting you either thru chores, financially or by some other means you two have worked out. If he works 12 hours a day or somethign that might be different but even still he should help where he can even if its just getting the kids to pitch in. They should also be helping but with dad not doing it, all you prolly here are "dad said I didnt have too" or "dad doesnt have to do anything".

The problems seem to stem from hubby so if you wish to try and modify his attitude the others may fall in place but that may require much effort. You deserve to have support around you and to have a "what can i do" attitude rather than play any blame games. Counseling may help but he would have to really be open and understand this is the final stages and is for real and not just a joke.

This is from a male and to me he sounds like he need to grow a pair and take care of his wife and family. Its his job to help you and your family succeed and if he isnt doing it then he is just a freeloading roomate.

Answer 2

You already know the answer.

You should move. Take the children and start rules. Involve a counselor and make sure your husband pays spousal support and child support. Quit making excuses and move on. He's a loser. Get up and LEAVE. Play hard with the kids until you can get them to respect you. It won't be easy, but sitting on your butt, crying and making excuses won't solve anything. If your kids are old enough to clean, then make them. Have you ever heard of discipline? Let this be a lesson to all: Discipline your children from the beginning.You're the MOM...the adult. It's time to act like it.

Answer 3

Honey first thing first DONT BLAME YOURSELF!!! I too have had men problem just different situations I am going through a divorce and i dont think i could be happier yes im still in love with this man but, if he loved you then he will change, including get off his bum but and get himself a nice job. And no it cant be that hard!!... he is a man everything is better for them.. And nobody in a relationship should dicuse your problems with anyone .... MOST OF ALL YOUR CHILDERN!!! divorce is the last thing but you have to do what is best for the childern and thats what it sounds like should be done... And if he beggs you that he will change tell him youll give him ! ONE more chance then if he messes that one up boot him out!!.. Good luck!!

Answer 4

let me tell you girl you need to be strong and let these fools know that enough is enough they most likely dont listen to a word you say because you probably go back on your word too many times and now unfortunately it has become a habit lay down the LAW and fast do it now those who help will get rewarded but those who dont will have to fend for they self if they dont like it oh well just clean up your stuff and let them go with out a good home cooked meal clean clothes and an allowance and see how that works . as for your husband i feel he is one big inconsiderate jerk and you can tell him that i said so he wouldnt be married to me because his *** would have been out the door along time ago you can be bad all by yourself honey and the saying goes a woman makes a man so dont you think its time he starts helping you out hes the one who is setting the wrong example hes showing his kids that its cool to be a slob good luck because with a man like that baby you gona need it

Answer 5

Good luck If they are teens and dont help the teaching should have becun way before now. Your husbands sets a bad example try running away for a week and let them deal with all you do do.If they dont let you go then get a divorce.

Answer 6

I read par 1/2/3 so far I see one thing for you to do
move on live him with his wonderful children
get out
when do we women realized that if we not happy we can't make anyone happy,
it is your time take care of yourself
move out just you, once you done your children will see their father for who he is
I have left and divorce my first H the children was always with me last 2 years ago my children & I have decided to give him a chance and have them live with him
I tell you it torn me to pieces but my boys see their father for what he is now they want nothing to do with him
the outcome was not what I wanted but still as boys I am glad when they told me that he was not their roll model because he was a bad parent
and most of all when they told me that they will always aim to be better
So let your children see their father for what he is
tell them that you want to leave they have the right to choose who they want to be with
be brave if they choose to be with him just day that my door will always be open
Good Luck

Answer 7

As you can see the love is lost here. The kids is following his footsteps and should be following yours. Stand up for yourself and set things straight in the house. You need to shopw discipline to the kid and set the standard straight to your husband. tell him either he coperate or he gotta go. Do it i gurantee you will feel a lot better.

Answer 8

you cant fix anything in your house until you fix you,, sounds like your husband is a useless turd,, leave him, if sons want to move in with you, set up guidelines and rules,

there are no games if you let there be no games, dont take that abuse,, it is mental abuse, it is hard to be alone, believe me tiwce divorced, not something I want, but it is so nice to be responsible for me and my son,, cant be blamed or feel the way you feel now,

it is just me and my own mistakes,

good luck

Answer 9

I take it he's lazy. Why can't you just go down to the court house and ask for divorce papers. That's what my mom did. And my father still doesnt pay child support..but hey, that's his problem!

Answer 10

File for divorce when no compromise can be met.