I have been with my husband for 12 years, over the years I have noticed he is very thoughtless, Valentines, Mother's day , Xmas roll around and I never receive anything, not even something small, I don't ask for much either, but I feel kind of stupid when his special events role around and I have something waiting for him.I usually ask for one big gift a year and he can't even forfill my wish because he thinks its unneccesary but its something I wanted, anyway I always end up buying what I want myself and he always has a cow. I can't understand why and how he can be so cold hearted. He never shows any compassion towards me at all, I don't know maybe this is small but it bothers me, what should I do.
2006-09-17 06:11:51 · 11 answers · asked by joyce1470 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suggest that you start getting gifts delivered to YOU. Perhaps with a card from "your special friend" Then, act like you KNOW they are from hubby. Even if it doesn't work, he'll go a little crazy, trying to figure out what's going on.
2006-09-17 07:36:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK~First as for the gift thing~I would let it go~what matters in a relationship is not the presents you get~it is the affection~compassion~and love that you share between each other~
I had a love buy my every present that could ever be made~I own probably some of the best diamonds out there~which are beautiful and I love very much~and even though we are broke up now I would never trade~
He NEVER showed, me an ounce of compassion~affection~or love~his idea of love was the beautiful expensive diamonds~and mine was him holding my hand on an occasion~giving me a hug~a kiss~or even asking me how my day was~if he would have made me a bubble bath after a long days work~with candles lite and soft music playing~that would have been all the gift I could have ever needed~but instead~he could not see that~you need not to focus on what he DOESN'T buy you~you need to focus on all the little things he does for you through out the year~and if he can do these little things~then I would have to say you have it made~
Good Luck to you~
PS~My mom always cuts a picture of what she wants~and leaves the pictures ALL over the house~in order for my dad to get the hint~ :)
2006-09-17 14:26:11 · answer #2 · answered by click 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did he used to give you gifts before? If he did and he has stopped then it may be something on your part and I'm not saying you are a horrible person and did him wrong. What I am saying is it may be something small and he doesn't know how to communicate his issue.
Open up the communication first and ask him, "I was wondering if there was something I did to hurt you as you do not acknowledge special days in our lives where a gift given to me from you would show me the love you have for me even in making a small sacrafice to go out and find and buy a gift for that occasion"? If he opens up and shares his concerns, then great work on that. But if it is still a cold shoulder thing, then ask him to go to counseling to get the issue out. If he refuses then the call is yours to make.
If he has done this since you dated and married then I am sorry , but this is who you chose.
Either way I hope the best for you.
2006-09-17 22:19:25 · answer #3 · answered by Martin M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, it is a kind of a hard question to answer. If he is otherwise a great husband and you are happy with him in general. Then maybe it is time to accept that this is his one imperfection.
If you feel you can talk openly with him without being accusatory, I think you should tell him how it makes you feel. My hubby isn't a big gift giver either. But he does acknowledge special occasions, even if it is just a card. At least I know that he was thinking of me. Maybe tell him how hurt you feel when he doesn't acknowledge these special days. Tell him that although he feels it is unnecessary for him, for you it is important and that he should consider your feelings.
If this doesn't work--then maybe in the future, you shouldn't buy things for him. Save the money and buy yourself something special. Show him the gift and say "hey honey, this is the mother's day/anniversary/whatever, gift you bought me! thanks I love it!"
2006-09-17 13:36:44 · answer #4 · answered by lorinina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should feel sad and disappointed, deservedly so. I am in the same situation, and married 17 years. I don't know where his heart is sometimes. I have talked and talked to him about this, given hints, made lists.... but nothing seems to work. This year I go nothing for Valentine's, Mother's Day, or our anniversary in July. It's so hard to live like this every year - I have two sisters in the same city, and get gifts from them, and lie all the time about him. Sometimes I tell them the truth because I'm mad. I don't know what you can do except talk to him about it again. I thought my best explanation was - fine, if he didn't want to have any special days celebrated with gifts for him, but I am different, and I need them to be marked specially. If he respected me, he would do this for me. Hasn't worked for me so far, but give it a shot.
2006-09-17 13:54:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is NOT a small deal. I'm sorry that he treats you like this. How to make him change? I wish I knew. I always made it a point to get gifts to my wife on every special day and sometime just because it was Monday.. I wish men would realize that their wives and g/f's are a special gift and they need to do all they can to make them happy in and out of bed.
2006-09-17 14:22:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't leave it up to a big clod! Make yourself happy and buy a gift for you! Wrap it and tag it from him, send your self some flowers from him also, thank him by making love to him and tell him how much you love the gift nd flowers, get him a gift every holiday and event, make it special for both of you, you'll get him involved again!
2006-09-17 15:39:58 · answer #7 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joyce, I also responded to your other post. Your husband is very emotionally abusive. He sounds like a selfish narcissistic b*stard control freak. Why are you settling for so little from him? Stop taking his abuse and stand up for yourself. He doesn't buy you a present...why in the world do you still buy him one? Is he more deserving than you? Stop kissing his a*s and start demanding respect. If your self esteem is so low that deep down you don't think you deserve to be treated better than that, figure out why (maybe it's his constant abuse) and put together a plan to raise it. I highly recommend that you start seeing a therapist so you can start feeling better about yourself. Email me if you need support.
2006-09-17 13:47:32 · answer #8 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Next time don't buy anything for him on the special occasion. Just wrapped yourself with nice ribbon and tell him it will be his gift forever. Save that money to buy thing for yourself and think that it is from him. I guess...he is the person who doesn't care much about the "special occasion". Why bother?
2006-09-17 13:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by pimpa1949 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have known this side of his character before marrying him, yet you did marry him. Isn't it saying you are ok with such a man? Otherwise you wouldn't have married him. Anyways, you are already married to him and you can't change him. Accept the fact that he is not perfect. Stop giving him gifts, he doesn't deserve them. Start buying gifts for yourself.
2006-09-17 13:17:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋