Shes still hanging on to the fairytale that they could actually work out. I realize the fact that they share a child but the ex (who is female as well) has no legal ties to this child. They dont have sex.....altho I am not naive enough to really believe that. But they fight and basically have a rough go of things. The ex is only in town on the weekends. During the week my life being involved with this other woman is pretty good. We have a great time and get along well. We are very much involved in one anothers lives--except for the weekend--when the ex is here. We still manage to have dinner or something but still.........I want the whole package and not to be a toss off when the ex is here. I know that my own behavior has fueled the fact that she wont leave her completely. So, any suggestions how to make her realize (or me for that fact) that I am not going to be around forever if she cant make the decision she has discussed with me on many recent occasions?
2006-09-17 06:08:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You are saying the right thing when you say it is yóu who needs to realize that you should take yourself serious here. If you are fine with the situation, then leave it that way. But you say that you are not fine with it and you want to change it.
What you are saying (correct me if I am wrong) is that you feel second choice, because whenever the 'ex' is coming around, you have to go.
Is this what you want with your life, to be second best?
If she really wants to make the break, she would. As long as this is convenient for her, she won't change it.
That goes the same for you. If you really wánt to change this situation, you should speak up for yourself. Tell her that this is not the way you want to live, not the way you want to be treated. If she cares enough for you and loves you to the point that she really wants to share her life with you, she needs to choose for you.
A good relationship is one in which both partners see each other as equals and work on their relationship to improve it.
In your relationship, she has the power, not you both. You are making yourself very dependend by letting her treat you this way.
You should come first, before the 'ex'. And again, as long as you don't take care of yourself by speaking up, she will go on with this.
If she doesn't want to change this, you might ask yourself if you want to live your life being second choice.
2006-09-17 06:50:58 · answer #1 · answered by Bloed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to start off i believe you really do love her and that's why you keep taking the ****! But girl tell her that you have had enough and that she needs to totally let her x go or your gone! I know its hard but you said yourself that she has this fairytale dream that she will get back together with her x and live happily ever after, where are you in this picture? You said they have a child together okay, well let her pick-up the kid and take her for the weekend or something! Her coming down for the weekend whats that ****!! Girl you deserve better then that! Bottom line if she can;t let her go then she don't truly love you! Hope things get better for you, take care!
2006-09-17 13:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by fairyjin1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, things are not going to change. And why should they? Your friend has her cake and is eating it too (forgive the pun). You have no power in the relationship as it stands, you are sitting around wagging your puppy tail while she holds the leash. Trust me, you have lost both your and her respect by playing the game. It is time to move on with your life. I am not so sure I would want her any longer, for after all, she continues to slap you in the face with her choice , or lack thereof. Do you have so little regard for yourself that you tolerate this treatment? I think it is time YOU stopped interferring with this relationship, for your intended has told you, by actions, that she is standing pat. And your affections and actions get in the way of her existing relationship. No matter how you look at it, you are playing with a married woman...no more, no less. Good luck
2006-09-17 15:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face facts...
She is "never" going to get "over" her ex, if she lets him into the house, every weekend.
The child, is either the womans, or the husbands. If she got custody of him, then he must have visitation rights, or, that he must be supervised at all times, and thats why he is in her home, because of his anger, and needs to attend anger management classes.
She has you to "comfort" her during the week, your sort of her "therapy" sessions until the weekends.
You, will never "have her heart" as long as the ex is in the picture. You may as well relegate yourself to this situation. DO NOT, try to force her to "make a choice"...SHE HAS MADE IT ALREADY!!
So, its time to date other women. Or, be forever ready as a standby for this womans emotional needs, with out "owning the whole package".
I'm sorry, but, thats the way its going to be.
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-09-17 13:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woman, you are being USED!! Why should she pick one over the other when she can have you BOTH? Keep seeing her, but start dating others. If she opens her mouth about it, just tell her that's the way it is. Until she dumps her ex and is exclusive with YOU, you're looking around. And I really think you should start dating others anyway, because you might meet someone wonderful who will make you forget her. In any case she is treating you very shabbily!
2006-09-17 13:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion I'd get away now.She obviously isnt over her ex and to toss you aside like that on weekends is just rude. You have to let her know that this situation is not working for you because to me, it seems like your being unappreciated. She cant have her cake and eat it too. I know it will hurt to leave someone you've been involved with for 2 years, but in the long run your doing whats right for yourself.
2006-09-17 14:11:25 · answer #6 · answered by c_jayo6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start doing your own thing on the week-ends maybe spend time with friends or even people you are attracted to for more than friendship...that have nothing to do with this woman...when you stop waiting around and stop being so interested every time she has a weekend with this other woman, she will start to realize that you can take her or leave her...
2006-09-17 17:05:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to play hard ball, then play. Leave her. Tell her when she decides who she is going to commit to let you know. Then move on with your life. It doesn't sound like she's in love with you and it does sound like she is still in love with her ex.
2006-09-17 14:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she can't make her decision then leave her and find someo
ne else.and if you need to talk 2 someone get in touch with me.and maybe we can also think of something fun to do as well.
cinderelamirage
2006-09-17 14:58:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This shows she is not committed to you. It's ultimatum time Yuo and only you or forget it.
2006-09-17 13:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by malcy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋