my husband has been out of job for 2 years. I have tried to be patient. We have a mortgage. He doesn't seem to want to take on any jobs again. rather he would stay at home being a 'housewife' doing the cooking.
I felt let down and being on my own to support the family. His sister helps him out a bit in his share of mortgage payment but I don't think it will last. He doesn't have many friends and he doesn;t like to talk. I kept asking him to send out his cv to agencies but he still hasn't done yet. other than this, he is a good and faithful man. but I'm tired.
2006-09-17 06:07:59 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We don't have children and have been married for 10 years. He is 48.
2006-09-17 06:14:39 · update #1
I strongly recommend you get your husband checked for possible depression.
2006-09-17 06:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are married I think its all wrong that you do all the working, he promised to look after you when he took the vows to marry you, both materially and physically. If he does the housework then thats good but he obviously doesnt know how tired you are with working. Help him update his CV cause might of lost confidence. Maybe you can talk and each do part time work, at least there will still be an income and you wont be as tired. You sound real fed up, all the best.
2006-09-17 06:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by janey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I might be wrong here, but if there are children involved what is so wrong with a man wanting to stay home and take care of them, and wanting to do the cooking? Who ever said that it HAD to be the man that worked to support the family. Why can a woman not do it. Don't you think that the men out there are tired of having to get up and go in and work their butts off every day and let the wife sat at home and do as she wants? I don't think it is to wrong for him to want to do the same. But you might talk to him about depression as well, and see if that has anything to due with any of this...
2006-09-17 06:17:35 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a trying situation. You didn't mention if there are any children involved.
If not, it would seem like the "honeymoon" is over - and it may be time to re-evaluate what both of you want out of your lives - especially the future.
You should first seek counseling for your husband and for you as well, to get to the heart of your feelings. If it's something that can be worked out and you want to, so much the better.
But if your goals and expectations have diverged - as many couples' do after a few years of marriage, you may need to make some hard but important decisions.
Good luck!
2006-09-17 06:11:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave the shiftless bastard. I am separated for 16 mos and my husband is contesting the separation and divorce. He got fired 5 times in 4 years, oddly right after I got a new job with a huge jump in pay. I would leave in the morning and he'd be still asleep and come home and he'd be napping. He was constantly sick and wouldn't do what he needed to get better. And he didn't even help out around the house.
Maybe your hubby is helpful around the house, but the fact is both these men have one common thread in that they are both very depressed Some men can't face failure. It's like performance anxiety. If they work again, they may find themselves out of work again.
You can afford to live on your own. Take the step. Get out there and start living. I'm finding myself doing fun things I'd never do when I was with him. I'm living my life for me now. I lived it in his image for 28 years.
2006-09-17 06:23:05 · answer #5 · answered by Oh Wise One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I have been there many times, and I feel for you deeply. Your man is depressed. Time for you to take over. Make him a new CV, get the classifieds out and on-line job listings. Tell him you're waking him up early each day so he can get a move-on around 9 a.m. and treat looking for a job as a full-time endeavour. He will be mad at you and might balk, but just do it. Bug him over and over again, explaining why he has to work, and that you love him - but it is his duty and you know he will feel better once he is working at ANY job, even if it isn't his first choice. I wish you good luck!
2006-09-17 06:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he lives in a ideal world you do the providing and he can bum around at home all day.I have fallen in love with you can i be your house husband Give him a kick up the jacksy he has got into a rut and the only way to kick start him again is to shock him tell him you have had enough set him a deadline to find work and tell him if he don't find work he is out bag and baggage. Good luck i am sure he will see sense he is a very lucky man to have someone like you
2006-09-20 02:42:02 · answer #7 · answered by scott j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my advice to you is talk to him and tell him that even though you appreciate everything he does to help out around the house you need him to at least try and find a job at least a part time one anyway because all the responsibility is falling on your shoulders you can not make him get too comfortable and it seems as if he is and once he gets used to staying at home doing a little house work here and there well basically you are screwed the only thing i suggest is that the both of you review the classified ads together and try to work it out from there because if you dont then you are just gona have one big moocher on your hands and not a husband good luck
2006-09-17 06:17:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this 2years ago and my hubby clammed up. I suppose i did a lot of nagging as i was cheesed off having just gone back to work following maternity leave. He did gert depressed and no matter what he says he will feel inadequate to you. Try to be patient or do what i did and rewrite his CV and post it out yourself....also ring up companies on his behalf, without being too pushy. It worked for us and it can work for you. Dont push the depressed bit too hard tho'.
2006-09-17 06:15:05 · answer #9 · answered by heleneaustin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not too sure what you're asking, it sounds like your husband may be suffering from a level of depression and may fear rejection from potential employers which may explain his reluctance to get out in the job market again.
His doctor will be able to give an accurate diagnosis on possible depression and he will need support and dialogue from his family to feel valued and more confident.
Or maybe he's just lazy, you're his wife. Ask him!
2006-09-17 06:16:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is unacceptable behavior. How can he feel alright about taking money from his sister. How does he plan on paying her back. The way I see it is you have two choices 1. Quit your job and risk loosing everything to get him off his butt or 2. Tell him to move in with his sister and not come back until he has a job. Good Luck!!
2006-09-17 06:24:14 · answer #11 · answered by Sophia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋