Been married over 20 yrs. and have 4 kids. Things started falling apart in our marriage about 11 yrs ago that I became aware of and of course even longer but just didn't see a problem. You think you are doing the kids a favor by staying together and trying to work as a family. At my husbands request I have been a stay at home mom and wasn't allowed to work, not even 2 nights a week. I did tell him once our youngest went off 2 school and the house was fixed I would get a job. Well the house never got fixed, and it never will. But I was told 2 yrs ago I should get a job and help out with the finances. He wanted me to work on his terms and do somethng I wasn't happy doing. I'm an independent beauty consultant and wasn't getting the support I needed from him to be the best that I could be. I started a waitress job to help out with finances, my small business was not moving forward, I cut back on hrs and I was offered a job promoting a fitness center during the day. C PART 2
2006-09-17 05:51:04 · 17 answers · asked by suentwobehisx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just ask yourself...am I better off with him or without him?........Go from there....
2006-09-17 05:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by MC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may seem harsh but you are very bitter. I know so many people that have a hard time in there marriage at the 20 year mark. My advice would not to leave just yet. You need to start taking responsiblity for yourself. Stand up and get the self confidence that you need. A mother of 4, an unfinished house, and no career to speak of. This is totally taxing on your self esteem. It is so easy to put everybody elses needs before your own. You need to take the time for yourself set some small goals and achieve them. What are you going to do with four kids you cant support on your own. What if he doesnt pay you child support. Sign up for school, figure out what you want to do and maybe when he sees this transformation he will make efforts to try and change some of the things that are coming between you. Dont let him control you by guilt trips or whatever he does that makes you back down. Sounds like you are a very caring, respectful, intelligent person. You can transform you life into what you really want? But you have to figure out what that is. Quiet yourself and listen to your intuition. Good Luck!!
2006-09-17 13:10:55 · answer #2 · answered by Sophia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
marriage is one of the hardest jobs known to human kind!!! It takes both working on it together to make it work. The top question is do you love him? Would you miss him? I would make a list of reasons to leave and reasons to stay. Is he a good husband? Is he a good father? My husband and I have been together for years and we share so many memories! We have the kids and the grandkids to enjoy now and I have friends who are divorced and remarried that tell me their new mate does not like or enjoy their kids and grand kids. That alone has made me a believer in working on the marriage if kids are involved. I know me and I would not want to be with anyone who would not like my children. I do know some also that it worked out, but the other side seems to be more previlent with ones i know anyway. Sometimes though it just cannot be helped, is he harming you? Is it harming your children? Maybe you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel, tell him this is serious and making me crazy and wanting to leave.......sometimes it will make them see the light. I hope so. good luck!
2006-09-17 12:59:38 · answer #3 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to go to a marriage counselor or a psychologist that specialized in married couples. Make a list of the pros and cons of being married to your husband. You need to let him know that you're not happy with the relationship and need to go to a therapist. If he said no, tell him you will leave the marriage. You better make sure you mean what you said so if he doesn't take you seriously, then you need to leave. Make sure that you plan this carefully and have a friend or a relative to fall back on so if you have to leave, you have someone you can stay with temporarily. Building the courage to say what you need to say is the hardest thing or nothing will ever change.
2006-09-17 12:59:30 · answer #4 · answered by Thot77 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. Are you able to sustain a life you are accustomed to on your own? Are you willing to start from scratch? You have been married a very long time, and invested a great deal of your life on this marriage already even like it sounds like you have been unhappy for a majority part of it. Have you ever considered counseling?
Why is he wanting you to work now, when all he wanted of you was to stay at home before. Are there money issues or is he trying to get you used to supporting yourself for another reason? What ever you do, seek out legal counseling before even talking about a divorce. Find out what your rights are, what you are entitled to after all these years of servitude.
2006-09-17 13:00:15 · answer #5 · answered by curious me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok he hasnt cheated on you and as far as I can see he has been respectful. so youre doing a job you dont want to do...join the club. what other issues are you having with the relationship for the past 11 years? divorce should be a last resort. your kids will be devastated and you will feel even worse if you have a doubt. you have to be 100% sure that its time to split when you make that decision.
2006-09-17 12:55:02 · answer #6 · answered by Mark D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to make up your mind and move on with your life some time staying together for kids always does not work out for either party, my fiance friend tried that and he and his wife are divorcing, so in other words it's your call
2006-09-17 12:59:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oprah has this 10-10-10 strategy: Try to imagine how your decision will affect your life in the next 10 minutes, in the next 10 months, and in the next 10 years. It might help you figure things out. Major life decisions are never easy. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
2006-09-17 13:06:54 · answer #8 · answered by Peggy M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a control freak. You should both go to counseling. If he won't go, go alone. If you belong to a church ask your pastor for advice. If you don't belong to a church it is time you joined. There is a lot of truth to the saying "the family that prays together stays together". I speak from experience because my wife and I have been married 53 years.
2006-09-17 13:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by dizdoo11 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying in a unhealthy marriage for the kids is just plain wrong and not healthy for anybody involved...including yourself, him or the kids.
2006-09-17 12:56:34 · answer #10 · answered by xxx 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He seems pretty controlling. Since Part 2 isn't out yet, my blanket response is:
Marriage Counseling!
2006-09-17 12:54:10 · answer #11 · answered by Rivrav 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋