What is the best way to handle a stepmom trying to influence the children against the mom?

Question

She'sactually the fiancee, livng in home.Ongoing inssues with interfering, I'm trying to take the high road even when it sucks.Othr day, issue of violating first right of refusal came up.This is in the decree& it's supposed to beOFFERED,not placing the parent in position to ask.Upon returning from work, I got a call from her about a pickup of the kids that was about 7 hrs away, as prev.arranged. But when I learned that ex was not in fact home, I said I'd just go ahead and get the kids now and save her the trips (she was going to have to drive here and there for sports etc).She got very snippy.I tried to salvage it, saying it was important for us to get along.No luck. Later at home, my teen son was acting strange, said she wished she could talk 2me again,was nervous to pick up the phone when Icalled (2say I was in range),makingME the meanie.Hv thefeeling this is ongoing. I try not to talkabout her. How/what can I say2 kids? I feel she is trying to turn them against me b4 we retrn 2 med.

Answer 1

Whatever this woman tries to do, a childs love for their mother is unconditional. An outsider ie. stepmom, could never turn kids against their own mother. She will end up turning the kids against herself which will cause it's own problems. Don't worry too much. As long as you carry on being the loving caring parent you will be ok.

Answer 2

I wish there was an easy answer, but the only way to get this lady to back off some, is to have the ex stand up and be more of the picture. I completely understand your logic with the right of first refusal, but honey, you also have to understand that if they are a "family" unit, she pretty much = him, whether you like it or not. I know it's going to be hard, but don't focus so much on the little things. And if you want a better relationship with your children, you are going to have to take a step in that direction. Having you nit pick the stepmom only drives a wedge, especially if they happen to like her. Try finding a common ground with your children. Share in their lives without being too judgemental. It's going to be a lot of little baby steps in the beginning, but it's going to be worth it in the long run. Then since you are taking the high road here, I think it would be best if you wrote the soon to be stepmom a heartfelt letter. Explain to her your fears and tell her that this would work better for everyone if the two of you could set your differences aside and work together for the sake of the children. You'd be surprised to see how many people this actually works for. I wish you luck honey, and remember, nobody can break a parent/child bond other than the parent or the child.

Answer 3

I dont know how your family laws work over there, but here in Oz..no ex-spouse or step parent or the likes is allowed to put down a parent to a child..maybe you should find out the law on this issue..(over here, access can be denied if it is proven)...

Answer 4

tell the step mom this is not the right thing to do. It not only cofuses the child,but some day the child will remember what she did & may hate her for it.