I thought my husband was a god, I worshiped the ground he walked on until he cheated on me, although he says it was just friends, I found, movie, food, resturant reciepts, phone calls all prooving the obvious. I even found his car outside her house and I stood outside her door for 3 hours and he knew I was outside , but he chose not to come out and talk to me. His entire work place/ gym knew this was going on, even after I caught them they still continued this little fling. He denies it to know end saying they were just friends, its been two years and he found out I was talking to my old college classmate, who happens to be in a relationship for 20 years , he found this out because my friends wife emailed him . Well I don't see anything I did wrong, because this person lives in another state, and my husbands friend lived across the street. I don't consider that cheating, I just needed a friend, if my husband had listened maybe I wouldn't have reached out to someone else.
2006-09-17 04:47:58 · 33 answers · asked by sally b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your first problem was in thinking that your husband was a god and worshipping the ground he walked on. In order to worship someone like that you must loose self and all involved with self.
This was never a healthy relationship. It is never healthy when one party places the other on a pedestal. It is not healthy for the worshipper and can be absolutely smothering for the one being worshipped. Marriage should be a partnership, with 2 people who love THEMSELVES and each other contributing to it.
I think you should ask yourself the following questions:
Why am I still in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't respect/love me?
Why have I sacrificed self so much?
Do I love myself? Do I respect myself?
(If you don't love and respect yourself, others won't. What they will do is use you and walk all over you.)
Should I stay in this relationship or should I let it go and move on?
When I was younger I had a tendency to be self sacrificial in a relationship. Not totally loosing myself and in a sence my mind was something I had to learn. Part of how I learned that was to not be in a relationship for a while and just work on me. It isn't easy, but all so worth it. You are the best friend you can ever have. My advise is to really develop a relationhip with YOU. To do that you need to spend time with just YOU.
To thine own self be true!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-17 05:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by Willow S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He who has a guilty conscience is always the first to accuse. But.....
After his 'affair' was exposed (I use parenthesis because there was never actual proof of a physical relationship), why didn't the two of you seek counseling to resolve the issue?
You must know that by 'reaching out' to someone else, that would only complicate matters, and add more fuel to the fire. Even though the two of you may or may not have had sexual contact with the other individuals, you both are guilty of cheating - in regards to the fact that you relied on someone other than your spouse for the type of comfort and companionship that intimate people are supposed to share.
Seek professional help to mend this broken relationship if both of you are serious about staying a married couple.
2006-09-17 05:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by oscarschic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what girl...what is good for the goose is good for the gander....do what you do...he does love you and its apparent cause he will not admit that this friend is more than a friend so that is telling you that he wants to be with you and keep this friend as a fling and that is all..but it hurts( and I know you love him cause you haven't left him yet and probably arent)...the only way to stop that hurt is to find you a friend. I mean really the only thing it could do is open your husbands eyes and see the hurt that he put you through and maybe you two can work this out...without the friends on the side. Make it obvious like he has and something WILL change.His little thing has been going on for a while with out you making a move so make a move...start by dressing up more just to go to the store(a little more provocative, you know)...(even if you are talking to a girl friend) laugh alot( like a flirty laugh) on the phone and whisper stuff and THEN tell him your going to the store....I mean hell it wouldn't hurt to try...make him think he is about to lose you and he will change. cause if he hasn't left you for this chic yet then he isn't. Get em' girl!!!!!!
2006-09-17 05:51:35 · answer #3 · answered by kikosgirl83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's not worth the disrespect he's showing the both of you. Girl **** him!!!!!!!!!!! Move on or stay there and take whatever he do to you. As of now, do you; meaning get out and about, talk to males, go on dates, start a life while a divorce process is in the making. Get his *** served and even though this is going to be hard and hurt like hell, act as if you don't give a damn. Get a room for a night or a weekend even if you'll be by yourself and just chill. don't tell anyone what youre doing or where you at. When he call, ignore his calls.
2006-09-17 05:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by Lakenya P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not cheating. You were reaching out. If your husband does not listen to you (he clearly does not respect you), then you need to leave. I know that's easier said than done. But, believe me if you stay with him too long when he finally leaves you, he's going to make you feel like you've failed this relationship. Trust me, I've seen this happen. AND then you'll be the one left crying. All that he's doing is getting you to stay for a little while longer, so that he can get his stuff together. Take your heart out of this relationship and start planning to file for divorce or make him leave. This way when he serves you with divorce papers you won't feel taken. TRUST ME----this will be so much harder on you if you don't.
2006-09-17 04:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by josiedickelman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has no reason to be upset at all!
He cheated on you, all you did was have a friend fo the opposite sex.
Cheaters usually get mad and accuse the ones that aren't cheating, so that is what's going on with your relationship.
If your husband cheated on you, he doesn't respect you or love you. You don't need to be with him, as much as he denies any infidelity, you shouldn't allow yourself to be with a man who has hurt you and then has the nerve to accuse you of what he's done.
I think you should leave your hubsand, file for a divorce, and be on your own... you'll be happier that way.
2006-09-17 05:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband was definitely wrong. Just remember that 2 wrongs don't make a right. Instead of getting back at him you should decide if you can forgive him and move forward in the relationship. Is he willing to work at it? If so try getting counseling together. If he truly loves you & wants to be in the marriage, he'll be willing to get help. If not then you have to decide if you can live with him the way he is.
2006-09-17 05:25:13 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Philandering husbands NEVER ADMIT THEY'RE CHEATING even though you have caught them with their pants down!!! Live your life, move on. Get a divorce. Surely by the way he is treating you there is no more respect and love between you. You deserve to be happy, man or no man beside you. Before people can love you, you should love yourself first. Don't let your husband destroy your self respect. Good luck and I hope you can come to terms with reality in your marriage now.
2006-09-17 04:54:24 · answer #8 · answered by ericangel16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see it this way, he was cheating and now he thinks your going to cheat to get even. I am sure the email he got had all kinds of allegations in it. Maybe you should go to your friends for about three hours and let him stand outside and see what he thinks. I feel for you lol
2006-09-17 04:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You too do not belong together. You should have left him when he was cheating. Now you are showing him that you are just as bad. Its obvious you are trying to get into this other guys life, which is pathetic because not only are you ruining your marriage your going to ruining your friends. Its people like you who give marriage a bad name. You do not know what marriage is obviously.
2006-09-17 10:32:03 · answer #10 · answered by marygold2012 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋