Mothers with teenage boys ..PlS HELP!?

Question

I am going round and round with my 16 year old about chores. He gets to go somewhere every weekend. Sometimes hes gone all weekend. he doesn't feel he should have to do very much around the house cause we don't ask his brother to do alot of chores. However, my youngest son takes a 7th period at school and is involved in NJROTC. He (my youngest) doesn't even get home til around 5:00 ( their day starts at 6:00am). I have Josh do smaller things that take less time. I feel my youngest works harder acedemically. My oldest doesn't want to do any after school activities and gets home around 2:00. So, thats why he has more day to day chores than his brother. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

No, you are not wrong. I have a 15 year old boy. As a part of the family, he needs to be responsible for certain chores around the house, as well as talking care of his own room and stuff. You need to have a serious talk with him. Why are you letting him go away weekends? I would never allow that. My son sure would be losing a lot of privileges if he didn't pitch in and help out. - no computer, no MP3 player, no video games, etc.

Answer 2

Have a family meeting and let them decide which chores are best suited for each child. Make a chore list calendar and put on your fridge. Some children are better at some chores than others. It's your house...you set the rules. They may even have fun picking their household responsibilities. If the oldest gets home early, then he can do his part and be done with it. Otherwise, perhaps he'll show more interest in becoming more involved in other school activities. No weekend outings until the work is done. Families are all about responsibilty and doing things together. You may also consider having a family work day or set aside a time and everyone pitch in and get the chores done leaving more time for family fun!

Answer 3

No, you're not wrong for giving him chores but just because his brother is challenged more academically doesn't mean you should treat them unfair.
You see, if you continue to pile chores on one son and not the other, that son will feel neglected.
Did you ever think your son Josh may not want to get involved in after school activities and other things because he is in fear that he will never get the approval that your other son receives from you?
I understand that your youngest son does a lot but he should still have to take care of some chores, if not on weekdays, then on the weekend.
Each child should be treated fair; especially if your son Josh is having a hard time figuring out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. You can't punish him for not being interested in stuff.

Answer 4

WRONG YES, YOU ARE! not in that each should contribute...but in the way you think about it...and the way your addressing it!
Get a big markerboard - hang it on the wall and make a graph and
Three son's names on it across the top in red! Oldest to the youngest...not alphabetical!.....then space out 7 rows below for 7 days,marking all the lines and the day of the week should also be in black........but their schedules...mark these all in red...making them feel important (the color red means stop-this color is making it important) You must be having these boys feel very important...all of them! Then
in green you mark the chores on the marker board...(green because it is a calm color) Once you have it all out in front of you
you can see then perhaps where some adjustments can be made. After you have adjusted the chores and everyone is pulling the same load...then put it away until you have called a family meeting...do not tell them we are having a family meeting today...say we are having a family meeting on a certain day at a certain time and it is pertinant that all attend. Before the meeting
allow yourself time to prepare, pray first....by the way you should have prayed before you put the chart together. Before the meeting pray first, put the board backwards against the wall...have hammer, level, nails there for when they are there say
I need to hang this marker board here I need your guys help...We are going to use it to communicate better and have a better understanding of one anothers schedules so we can be better at being a family! Tell them that you are happy that they are all here to help keep this family together and it will be a great effort to do this...say, I love all of you the same...and I am very proud of each of you! There may be some stress once the board is turned around. But if you tell them before the board is turned around that what is written here.. is not concrete until the meeting is over, and we all have completely agreed and understand our roles as members of this family...we all have a part in it and we all have to do our share to have harmony in our family....in our home! If they ever played sports...they will relate to this board and understand each player has a position and a role to play for the team depends on every member!

Answer 5

Oh the joys of having teens!!! There is a time for all of your kids, no matter what they think or what they are doing, to have the responsibility around the house, doing chores. So if your youngest one is doing chores later on in the day or on the weekends, that seems fair to me. Your kids will never think things are fair or understand it at all until they are older, much older. So this is the time you need to be consistent, persistent, and say, "You want me to drive you..... or you want to see your friends then....." Oh believe me, things will get done whether he likes it or not! We go through this all the time with our almost 16 year old. Life is never fair, never right, unless they are doing what they want and are with their friends. Well sounds like he needs a little bit of a wakeup call, especially if you are giving him the whole weekend off? I say, set up the chores, when it is to be done by, and if it is, great, reward, thank him and if it isn't, then discipline him. Take away his bike, driving privelages(don't know where you live)seeing friends, computer time, TV, whatever works. They need constant love and patience and guidance from us as parents, but it works!!! Just know, you are not alone as a parent. Hardest job in the world! Good luck! Hang in, hang on, buckle up for the wild and crazy ride of the teen years!!!

Answer 6

No you are not wrong, but you are probably approaching the issue in the wrong way. First your son obviously has a lot of Freedom, maybe too much. The fact that he dose not come home over the weekends is a big issue. 16 seems young for this to be happening and I would suspect heavier drug use. That being said if you accept that he has this greater amount of freedom you need to make chores something he chooses to do. This is done by giving him more freedom. Explain that as an adult he has the freedom to stay at your house and eat your food and go out on weekends, but in payment for these freedoms he must help out around the house, like paying rent. You younger son dose not have to do as much because he is not an adult and he is paying his rent by focusing more energy on school, which you see as just payment. Don't tell your son he has to because you are the boss, tell him its his decision to make, but that all decisions have consequences.

Answer 7

You are absolutely correct. Explain to your 16 year old if he wants the same chore schedule as the younger son, he will have to change his school schedule to match his. After all, the older boy is just a few short years from the adult world, and everything is simply not fair in that world.

I would give him the option to spend more free time increasing his grades and being involved in school or being more responsible around the house. Going out is a privilege, not a gift.

Answer 8

NO, you are right. I had the same problem. I explained to my oldest son, "since you are the oldest, you have more responsiblities, your brothers turn will come". My oldest was an above average student so things went easier for him. My youngest has a harder time and takes advanced classes to catch up. Dont let your son stay gone all weekend, only use it as a reward. Stay on top of the situation so they turn out as good adults. We need more of them!!!

Answer 9

Clue that lazy ingrate into the fact that he needs to make a contribution to the house. If he doesn't want to do chores, fine. He then chooses to pay RENT. Use the rent to hire a housekeeper. He can flip burgers to earn the money, especially if he has all that free time.

You say he's 16. Does he have a car? Who pays/paid for it? Who insures it? Driving is a privilege, not a right. Does he want to earn that privilege? Do chores!!

Sounds like a bad case of lazy, with possible marijuana usage on the side. Suggest you're going to have him tested, and see what his reaction is. If he freaks out, he's using.

Good Luck, you're going to need it.

Answer 10

Your oldest is just being selfish and feels that he's got some kind of entitlement from being the oldest.

Send a message; stop washing his clothes - when he starts to ask where his clean underwear or socks are, tell him that as of today, you're not doing his chores for him unless he compensates you. Same goes for cooking him dinner - he can help with cooking or cleanup, but if not, he's welcome to eat out.

If you weren't considering it before, remind him that as of the day he turns 18, he'll be paying you rent - which covers electricity, water, phone and possibly Internet access, but does NOT cover food, laundry or cleaning services.

He needs to grow up and learn how to be self-suffient.

- Parents of teens