Ok, so Ive been married almost 2 years. I really care about the person im married to . I love him even. And I knew before I got married that it wouldnt be a fairy tale. I dont expect that. We've had ups and downs. But something is missing. And Its my bed, Im laying in it. I made the decision. I keep hoping that it will go away. Hes very good to me. Treats me good. And we get along. But I keep having dreams with other guys in them. But I cant hurt him just because I made a wrong choice, you know? Its not fair to screw up his life. We just dont have a lot in common. and we dont think the same way. I fit into the (N) catagory of Meijers Briggs. and ...he doesnt. If you are the sort of person who believes in that. I think theres something to it. Not that it is almighty or anything. Well, what do you think?
2006-09-17 04:15:31 · 15 answers · asked by Frank 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Im 26. I havent cheated! I dont think I would do that anyway.I have a strong moral code. I dont believe in divorce really. I mean, just for the sake of not being happy. Because you made a promise to that person.
I know whats missing. But theres no way to fix it. Ive already told him before how I feel. but it just hurts his feelings and its things he cant change. he gets mad, i get frustrated and its not worth it.
but yeah, there are a lot of loosers out there. and i should just be content. whats my problem? I just dont feel like he understands me or has the capability to understand me. im not the type of person who just gets hot and horny for a hot guy i see.
2006-09-17 05:38:42 · update #1
Quite frankly I think you made the right choice in marriage. You will probably search the world for someone as nice as your husband and find a hundred useless tossers! I think you should find the love you really feel for your partner and develop it. It is a lonely and sad world out there. At the end of the day whats to say you will ever be satisfied you have married the "right" person? I have been married twice and it can be quite a challenge.
2006-09-17 04:28:13 · answer #1 · answered by UN1C0RN 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, what is it that you think is missing? If you don't know what you want, how do you know you're not getting it? Identify the missing element first, then you'll have an idea about how to correct the deficiency.
Second, having dreams about other men doesn't necessarily mean that you married the wrong one. Those feelings go with being married (my wife still doesn't know about the sexual fantasies I've had about her hot former boss, and she never will). You're married, not blind or dead -- other men will continue to be attractive throughout your married life. Your husband continues to be attracted to other women, too, whether or not he lets you know it or agonizes over it the way you clearly do. As long as those thoughts aren't acted on, they're not really a problem.
Third, I, too, know of Meyers-Briggs typing (I'm an INTJ myself). It would be a good idea to have your husband tested (and yourself, if you don't know your full 4-letter type) and compare your respective needs and expectations based on the results. I know that NTs and SJs butt heads a lot, and it's almost as hard for NFs and SJs. But none of the obstacles are insurmountable if you know what you're dealing with. Knowledge is power.
Finally, marriage counseling is still an option. If you both are willing to go and both of you want to remain married, it's probably a good idea to see a counselor. I strongly recommend that you do this before you do something as extreme as filing for divorce.
2006-09-17 11:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be doing him a favor by ending it instead of leading him on to believe that it is the perfect set up. You act like your happy but in reality your not. I for see trouble ahead and you might want to think about things like life without him and being with the one you want and how life will be. Or you might just be going through a stage where your bored and need something new which can wear off eventually. But be fair to the guy and let him know what is up because it could hurt him by you role playing in the long run
2006-09-17 11:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible for you and him to have a discussion about your perspective on the marriage? Or have you tried without results or negative reactions. Afterall you said, "...I love him", so isn't that feeling worth a conversation about your feelings. Perhaps you're placing too much emphasis on having dreams about other men. I don't think that abnormal, do you? People dream or think about others more often than you think. Even Presiden Carter admitted to looking at women with lust! Is he aware of your concerns for the marriage and are you willing to discuss them?
Before disposing of two years of over some dreams? Honesty is important now, and if you really want out of the marriage will waiting longer make it 'less painful' for him and you - or will time make it worse. Good luck.
2006-09-17 11:32:20 · answer #4 · answered by jack w 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married 38 years and was married 7 years the first time and I have no answer.
My question would be "Would your life be better or worse without him?"
I have thought of the same things you are thinking many times. You must analyze it early in life.
Are you friends? Would he be a good father to your children? Think it over completely so you don't make a mistake.
I wish you Good Luck.
2006-09-17 14:32:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh, girl, I feel you. I did the same thing. I didn't know my husband wasn't the one till I met THE ONE. And I feel helpless to do anything about it. My advice: Don't hurt him. You've only been married two years and they're not easy ones as you're trying to build a home life together. You said he treats you good and you get along. Sometimes being married to your best friend CAN be enough. If you feel safe and you feel loved, stay.
2006-09-17 11:43:08 · answer #6 · answered by Lacey H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you probably do care about him but his gone get hurt one day anyway because now you dreaming of other man,if you ever found someone you're attracted to you'll cheat on him in a heart beat.it takes two to make a relationship worked by going into a marriage knowing there was something missing already you not only have cheating him but yourself as well
2006-09-17 11:28:58 · answer #7 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Sounds like early 20's to me.
How does he feel? I suggest counseling before you make any major decisions. A counselor may be able to help you get to the root of how you really feel. Good luck to you.
2006-09-17 11:24:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think if you really think that there is better prson for you, and there is no hope for you two to continue your lives, then I think you should tell him somehow that you can not be with him anymore, however, continuing your current life would be wiser after all.
2006-09-17 11:28:40 · answer #9 · answered by got_a_bone 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to either work it out or get out. You should have thought about that before you married the guy! Maybe get some counceling.
2006-09-17 11:20:26 · answer #10 · answered by kevin T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋