How do you react to woman who accuses you of seeing her longtime boyfriend, she has now contacted my husband.?

Question

I reconnected with a longtime college classmate male of course, we've have been talking for about 1 year, just general conversation, I am married and didn't tell my husband about him. I've been out of college for 17 years now, this man has 4 children and with longtime girlfriend for 20 years. Recently the gf broke into his email and phone records and found that we have been talking and text messaging, mind you the emails are general in nature alot about our lives and children, school, this woman has now contacted my husband, he emailed me yesterday and immediately after the email she called me, ranting and raving, and the email was simple as " how is work and school going". somehow she has put spywhere on his computer so whereever he signs in on any PC she can see what he writes, I have told my husband the truth about this person, that we are only friends, but my husband seems to be interested in what she has to say. What should I do about her.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, you didn't do the right thing when you didn't tell your husband about it. Even though there's nothing wrong with having male friends, you should have at least given your hubby a heads up because when you find out about something questionable from someone other than your wife...you start to wonder. However, what I'D do is I would show my husband the emails and show him that there's nothing to worry about. But it does sound like that girl is going crazy and psycho.
When you get yourself out of this mess, keep your husband up to date...that should avoid future problems. Good luck.

J

Answer 2

First of all I don't blame your husband! The fact that you did not tell him about just talking to him in the first place...you LIED. It doesn't matter if it is "simple" chatting or not...the fact that neither of your significant others knew about the other one is not cool. Your husband has a right to see what you've been keeping from him. If the messaging was so simple you should have nothing to worry about right? Good Luck to you, and next time maybe you should be a little more truthful with your husband. Sorry to say sista but you were in the wrong here.

Answer 3

There is not anything you can do about her, but I am concerned about your behavior. You did not tell your husband about the relationship. Why? There must be a reason. Even if nothing happened, you still have created mistrust. Your husband may not react well to this.

You have made a very messy bed for yourself. You may try to be more honest about future relationships. I also think there is more to this story than you are telling.

And this woman has every right to investigate you. He did not tell her about your relationship. It sounds like all of you need to learn a lesson from this and do not repeat the same mistake again. You have to have openness and honesty in your relationship. If you cannot tell your husband about a relationship (even if nothing is going on) then the relationship is wrong and bad. Your priority is your husband.

Good luck to you. I have a feeling this is about to turn ugly for you. The best thing to do is go to your husband and tell him that nothing happened, but you acknowledge that you created mistrust in your relationship by hiding the friendship, and ask for his forgiveness. (And don't do it again.)

Answer 4

It's really not what you should do with her! Sounds like some of the messages put more than just general conversation in her mind. Maybe even though her hubby is married to her and has children, maybe he's been unfaithful before and she wants to do what she thinks best for their marriage.
I've had old school mates contact me. Some of them can get carried away with conversation on how WELL they knew me......but that was then this is now! What was your purpose in NOT telling your hubby if it's so innocent like you say?
You've connected, now leave him and his wife alone.

Answer 5

First mistake...not telling your husband. Secrecy is the breeding ground for an affair. Secrecy in this case is a lie of omission.

First suggestion, let your husband see and know everything if you want to save your relationship. This includes the other woman sending him emails that you have written. If there truly has been nothing other than conversation about your kids then you have nothing to hide.

If you have shared intimate details about your relationship with your "friend" then you have betrayed your husband. Details about dissatisfaction about any aspect of your marriage to your husband is crossing the line.

If in your emails you have crossed the line and you want to save your marriage, both of you need to get into counseling with a reputable professional.

Answer 6

Seems to be interested in what about her? Frankly unless you have something to hide, then I think you should ignore her.

I think however, under the circumstances, you need to write to your friend (copy your husband if you feel like you need to) and tell him that while you have enjoyed the contact, you find his partners behavior as a negativity you don't need in your life. Say goodbye and then don't contact him again, or accept emails.

You need to distance yourself from these people and concentrate on why your husband would be concerned with this at all.

Answer 7

first of all... why didnt you tell your husband in the first place? these days so many people cheat that I dont blame anyone for being suspicious of the emails especially since it seems odd that in a year it never came up in coversation to your husband that you were in contact with this guy. secondly, theres nothing you can do except be open and honest, if you try to hide anything it could get much worse, let the woman express her concern and then let her work it out with her partner while you work it out with yours.

Answer 8

Call her bluff. Invite her over and tell her to bring copies of the so called bad emails. If she refuses tell her you will go to the police if she doesnt back off. Oh and you should have told your husband about it at the beginning and then he wouldnt be suspicious now. But if you are innocent you dont have anything to hide.

Answer 9

Best case scenario would be let him meet or talk to your longtime college class mate. You dont know how scorned this woman is, nor could you control what she would or wouldnt say to your husband. Best option for YOU is to keep HER out of the picture. What ever you do, do whats best for YOU... Good luck.

Answer 10

wow that's a lot of drama maybe it would be better to stop emailing the long time Friend its causing to much trouble in both relationships even though its harmless(i think)in what u were doing but the wife has insecurity issues plus one question how would u feel if the shoe was on the other foot