Why do you think people react radically when finding out that their partner is cheating on them?

Question

Some people may say they feel;
betrayed,
used,
worthless,
hate,
insecure,
unattractive,
not manly enough/not feminine enough,
etc

There are many reasons, I'm interested in hearing yours and please try to explain why you would feel that way.

E.g. Hate because he/she destroyed the trust we had and along with that our unique relationship.

Answer 1

personally I wouldn't be that bothered. I realise what most men are like and I am not going to blame myself because they cant keep it in their pants

Answer 2

I don't know if you have ever been there, but I have been there twice with 10 years between the two marriages. With the first marriage I was very young, 20 years old and the marriage only lasted 3 months but 3 month was long enough to tear my life apart when he asked for a divorce. He did not have the guts to tell me he was having an affair, even when he was still courting me, and wanted to be with the other woman. When I found out, through letters they wrote to each other, I felt so rejected, worthless, broken and unwanted it took me 10 years to heal before I could enter again in to another relationship. With husband number 2 it was easier, different. He admitted in having an affair with another man after I found a very peculiar text on his phone. With him it was more of an relief after 5 years of marriage. The marriage was over before then and at last he gave me a valid reason to leave him. I always believed you had to work at a any relationship and was determent to make my marriage work. I believed that if we loved each other once we could do so again and fix the things that went wrong through marriage counselling and even sexual counselling. It was very hard work. So when he told me of his affair and after the initial shock, I felt so elevated, free and excited in not to be married to him any more, I celebrated!!!!!!!!! Being free of him and starting a new life. I also new it was not my fault and that it had nothing to do with me or for the person I am. It was al about him and his own insecuritys. Now after 2 years I can whish him the best of luck and happyness with his new female partner and hope he can be true to himself and her by telling her the truth about the person he is and his sexual prefferences.

Answer 3

I felt deeply hurt and betrayed as I was 6 months pregnant and I worked with the father of my child. Unfortunatly so did the woman he decided to get it on with. I felt like he thought I was stupid, because he thought he could get away with it under my nose. I did not and do not feel used, worthless, hateful, insecure or unattractive. I did nothing wrong, he is a worthless pile of poop! I now have a beautiful 7 week old baby, and feel stronger now than I ever have. If someone chooses to stray it's their loss, as I know I deserve what I give - faithfulness!! I hope this helps!

Answer 4

Oh GEE!!

Discovering an affair or affairs shouldn't be earth shattering just because your trust, love, and faith in your partner has been totally destroyed.

Discoveing an affair can be compared to a nuclear blast that happens on top of you. The moment of realization is the explosion, the searing heat of discovering your relationship is not what you believed it was.

Then for the next 18 to 24 months on average you deal with the destruction. The poisionous fallout can be with you for years.

The hardest part to accept or learn is the affair is not about you. Its about your partners poor choices, an affair is a conscious decision, not a mistake. The affair is about your partners selfishness and poor character.

It has nothing to do with being a man or woman. You can only control your own actions, you can't take responsibility for another persons actions or choices.

Yep, cheating is nothing to worry about if you have the moral make up of a rabbit in a field full of bunnies.

Answer 5

I had an issue with my partner, she claims that it was never a sexual affair, and maybe it was just coz we were going thru a rough time. At some point I was blaming myself qiute a bit. Either way, sexual or not, it's the betrayal that hurts the most. The trust being taken for granted. In any relationship, I truly believe that trust plays a very important role. It's been a year now, and it still haunts me. I do try to trust her but sometimes the past just gets in my head and drives me up the wall. But as difficult as it may be, I do believe in second chances.

Answer 6

When an ex cheated on me I felt gutted, hurt and mad.
Gutted and hurt because i saw him kiss another girl, and couldnt believe that Id believed all the crap he had spun me about loving me and never wanting another woman again - mad because he'd betrayed me. Once the initial shock wears off it just turns to devastation and confusion as to how your partner could exclude you from his concious mind in search of a quick fling.

Answer 7

You've pretty much answered your own question there. A relationship is all about trust and respect. By cheating, you have disrespected them by betraying their trust.

It is common for the person who has been cheated to to blame themselves. That is usually down to a latent low self-esteem issue.

Answer 8

all the above and more mate the fact that my partner was cheating on me at a time when i had just lost my dad and was pregnant with his child was more than i could bear and the fact that the other woman in question knew about me so i ******* trashed his car and hers two then i beat the **** outta her. an im not in the sligheat bit sorry for what i did id do it again in a heartbeat.

Answer 9

of course all of the above,put them all together and you end up feeling angry,which does lead to radical behaviour. it a stress emotion,or all of them and your body naturally responds this way.Its healthy and normal. better than keeping it all bottled up.
I hated it when I caught my partener and smashed a few things in the house ,that he tried to make me out to be a mental. Or said he couldn`t talk to me because i was being too hostile.hellloooo ,i,m sorry, next time I buy you a card to congratulate you on your deceitfulness and ruining a perfect happy home. Actually you might want to add SARCHASM to that list of ours lmao

Answer 10

I think that you pretty much answered your own question, but, in my own mind it is the violation of the trust that the two people shared with one another. Losing that trust is almost always irrepairable, and can make a person act without caution.

Answer 11

Betrayal is the worst form of abuse because it makes the person who has been betrayed feel foolish for not seeing the signs, foolish for trusting, and foolish for believeing they were worthy of someone elses affections.