Is there anything you can do if you & your husband constantly argue?

Question

What if you argue & never come up with any conclusion? Or you argue but he never relly listens to what you say? Then he thinks you don't listen to what you say just because you don't do it instantaneously?

Answer 1

It sounds like the two of your are fed up with each other, you are both demanding respect from each other.
the best way to calm this situation down a bit is to not argue with him the next time a conversation gets out of hand.
for example if you talkng about something and he excalates it into an argument- instead of talking back or cutting into his conversation, look at him straight in the eyes and listern. even though you do not like what you are hearing and are not happy, just bear in mind that he is not arguing for fun, that there is a deeper problem.
so listern to him and say ' i see your point and i am sorry that i got you angry . kiss him or hug him and leave it at that. do that a few times and you will notice that the next time you talk about something you do not like he will not automtically start getting defensive, instead he will give you the same amont of respect and acknoledgement you gave him. also, if an argument arises , always sit down, or be at an angle where you are not intimidating him. always nod , and always tell him you apprieciate his point, make it clear that you are coming from a loving point of view. Men are unlike women, different things stress them out - there is something else here that is affecting your relationship. remember the things you used to do for him at the beginin of your marrige or courtship ? start doing them again. be more loving and understanding :) and if he really loves you he will return the favour and soon the arguing will turn into talking and hopefully you will start to get to the bottom of the real problem before too late.
good luck

Answer 2

after 10 years of marriage I have come to the conclusion that arguing is not always a bad thing. However, the break down of communication is what makes arguing a bad thing. In all forms of communication there needs to be a sender and a receiver. If either one is missing then communication is impossible. I know this doesn't tell you how to do it because there is no clear cut answer to your question. What works for one person may not work for some one else. You know the situation better than anybody so just use your best judgment. Decide what is really important to you and make your decisions based an that

Answer 3

Step Back. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself what you are arguing about. Often it is a subject of little consequence to the big picture. If that is the case you two are doing some type of control dance with neither of you willing to back down. This behavior must change or your marriage will become dominated by squabbles about nothing but who has the upper hand today. Recognize this for what it is. Discuss this pattern with your husband during a calmer moment. Come to the understanding that you two are no longer children fighting with your brothers and sisters. A marriage requires compromise. Neither one of you can be right all the time. The big, knock down, drag out arguments need to saved for issues which affect the structure of the marriage like infidelity, children and sadly money.
Again, look at the subject matter. If its the same old thing you are locked in a control struggle. By definition, marriage means a blending of personalities. If you cannot stop it on your own try counseling but this is destructive behavior and needs to stop or your marriage will.

Answer 4

Wow, it's almost as if I wrote this thread myself. My husband is the exact same way. I have a 4-year degree and I've been applying to all kinds of jobs for a year now, so you can imagine the misery I'm in. My husband also makes plenty of money, and he spends it however he wants to. He was not like this before we got married....obviously, or I wouldn't have married him. We have a nice home and I always imagined us growing old in this house and raising my daughter here, but stress from work and a recent financial loss (that is partly his fault) has turned him into a hateful asshole that I don't even recognize anymore. I almost cried reading this post because I can relate. I don't know what the answer is but I swear if we ever get divorced I will NEVER, ever allow a man to boss me around, put me down, or control my life ever again. I will never take the chance of getting married again. I know a lot of men are not like my husband, but my husband wasn't like that either and he changed. I know you posted this about a year ago, and I hope you have found a job by now. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this.

Answer 5

You can get mad at each other. You can argue with each other but in the final you need to understand each other.

Discuss things with out arguing. Easy said hard to do. Reason one decides to counter attack the the one that was discussing what is wrong. Listen to the problem and don't come back with a negative about the other. Think and don't react.

Nothing gets done instantaneously. He needs to understand that.

Talk without attacking each other. It works. Been working for wife and I for over 20 years.

Answer 6

My husband and I find it hard to find time for counseling but one thing that was recommended to us was to write things down on paper once a week that we have issues with. We both take turns reading each problem one at a time (only what is on the paper - don't go off on tangents). It gave us a way to talk without arguing. We then had the other person respond to the issues on another piece of paper - why that is an issue, what they may do to resolve the issue, etc... And it was done. It's great because it keeps us from long arguments - keeps us on track with the issues - and keeps it once a week rather than nagging.

Answer 7

You are arguing about something other than the trigger for the argument and it never gets concluded because it is never truly addressed. There are issues of control and respect here they both of you feel you aren't getting. Pick and choose your battles or all of them will end up being all-out war. For the man sometimes it is as simple as pent up sexual frustration. Try a lil sweet-talking praise and see how Romeo reacts. Good Luck

Answer 8

Sounds like neither are listening, seek counseling. Seems like arguing is the only communication link you have, it's become part of your marriage.

Answer 9

Not a solution, but a possible cause.

We all filter everything we see and hear through the filter of our belief system. It colors our perceptions.

IE. he says, "I like how your butt sticks out in those jeans"
you hear, "he thinks my butt is big"

You say, "we don't have enough money to pay this bill"
He hears, "I'm not doing a good job as breadwinner"

You might want to ask him "what did you just hear me say"?
I know it sounds silly. Believe me, it works if the person is ready to question what they believe they hear and truly listen unfiltered.

Good luck

bob

Answer 10

If you are arguing about things that he does that he did before you were married, stop arguing with him about those things. They were there before you met and no amount of arguing will make them go away. If you thought you could fix those things, you fooled yourself.