Last night my husband and I were in our room at 9:30 with our door locked. We were trying to have sex. My five year old son was in his room, he was supposed to be asleep. He gets up and come knocks at our door. We went to the door and told him that he better get back to bed. We thought that he had gone to bed. When we came out of the room a few minutes later, our son was there. He said that he knew that we were doing something nasty in there and he was very upset. He said that we should be punished. I told him that me and his dad was just spending private time together and it is nothing bad. But, I don't know what to do. This is the first time that anything like this has ever come up. So what do I do?
2006-09-17 01:03:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
instead of telling him .... ask him. "what do you think we were doing?' why do you think we should be punished?'.. and listen to what he has to say. don't interupt to explain until you know he's done talking... get to the bottom of his feelings.
2006-09-17 01:07:42 · answer #1 · answered by tampico 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I know this is serious to you, but your son is a very lucky young man in that you said the key word my HUSBAND and I. So many kids today are in a single parent family. My son is 24 now but, when he was young, I had to face that and so many more questions that are hard to answer.
Let an "old" (48) lady give you some advice. First of all, he is at the age where he is begining to be jealous probably of anything that has to do with you. Secondly I had a very wise doctor friend who was a child psychologist tell me that the one thing that you should always do no matter how old the child is to tell them the truth. Now when I say tell the truth I mean do exactly what you did, explain to him that you love him very much and that you love his Daddy very much but in different ways. He needs to be reassured that no matter what you still love him and no one comes before him in your life. He has to understand though that you also love his Daddy which is extremely important. Kids now days have too much access to the media. Unfortunately good parents like yourself are becoming few and far between(I'm going to make someone mad with that one) and the media has begun to raise the children so to speak. There is much emphasis put on sex being bad, not letting grown ups "touch" in certain places etc. It is good with the perverts in this world now that kids have this information, but, it is also hard for small children to distinguish between what is good and what is bad.
I know that this incident has been distressing for you and the fact that you brought it up confirms that you must be a great Mom, what a lucky little one you have.
It may be that it is time for Daddy to step in and explain on a five year old level how much he loves you both and to reassure the little guy that he would never do anything "bad or nasty" to either one of you.
What you are going through is normal I promise and it will all work itself out.
You have a hard job as a parent and a wife, you have two men to keep happy. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-17 08:31:05 · answer #2 · answered by Only hell mama ever raised 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Tampico, but you should also just have to tell him what you were doing in there, but not as it is, maybe in some from of child-level manner. Like telling a story of how he was born, and how God created what ever you were doing in there just so that you could create him too, and either use the science based or / and religious based literature for kids (im sure there are some available on the net) to show him that what you were doing is not 'nasty' and God would never punish you... children have all sorts of opinions about this life and if they are not corrected at an early stage, it could affect they way they think and act in future, about themselves and about / around others.
2006-09-17 08:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by blueheartz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. You probably just woke him up and he was curious about what he was hearing. His idea that you were doing something nasty and need to be punished is more troubling. Some one is apparently telling him that there are good and bad people and that the bad people need to be punished.
These are very harmful ideas for anyone, especially young children. These ideas are the source of all bigotry, and are very negative.
Children need to be taught that all people are good and that they occasionally make mistakes but that does not make them bad. A child infused with the belief that everyone is good is better able to cope with the world and is far less likely to become depressed.
Try to explain this to your son as soon as possible, because after he starts school the negativity around him will be competing with you for his beliefs.
Love and blessings
don
2006-09-17 08:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
hes 5 for goodness sake ...ask him what he thinks he saw or thinks you were doing and then explain the concept of privacy to him ....
if hes really that precocious at 5 then just explain sex to him ...don't let a kid make you feel bad they got years and years to do that to ya yet babe
2006-09-17 08:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Bearable 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋