Morning everyone
Ok life has got a little worse since i told everyone my hubby has moved in with his new girlfriend and her kids.
This week alone he took all the money from the bank including the savings for christmas, stopped all the direct debit payments for the house and to crown it all cut of the digital tv whilst the kids were watching it. I am trying to stay strong for the kids and have now had no choice but to cease all contact as the last time on wednesday i let the kids speak to him on the phone he told my little girl aged 9 he wasnt sure who he loved more her and her sister or his new girlfriends kids. Im staying strong by trying to do all the practical things new bank account, getting the sky digital tv reconected etc. I have been to my solicitor who has advised me well and is trying to get the house put in my name etc.
What i want to know is what kind of man would do this to his kids, i dont care what he does to me its what he does to his kids that is really ripping me apart. I cant even leave the house without them as they think im going to leave as well. As for his girlfriend she has stood by and allowed him to this. I asked him for some money towards a school trip this week and i heard her in the background saying "you aint spending any money on her kids" . Im at a loss at what to do i want my kids to have a relationship with there dad as i know in my heart it is important but at the moment i really dont think its safe for them emotionally because of the things he has been saying and how he has been saying them. {he does have mental health problems}
Thanks for listening
H
X
2006-09-16 20:40:28 · 30 answers · asked by h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Cut off all ties with your husband and don't let your children have contact with them either. My parents went through something very similar.
My father has a major drink problem. He did and said terrible things to me, my mum and my sister. They split up after a while but my mum kept trying to push me and my sister into seeing him. His behaviour got worse after the split and I eventually made a threat to my mum to leave home if she made me see my dad again. My dad stopped drinking for a while and my mum took him back only for him to start drinking again.
My terrible relationship with my dad really damaged my self esteem and it took me a long time to get over it all. To make things even worse, I started to resent my mum for putting up with it, as she knew full well how hurtful my dad was being. I know this sounds terrible, but at that time, I would rather have had no father at all than one who'd treat me this way.
I get on better with my dad now that I've moved out and he's made more of an effort to at least reduce the amount he drinks.
If your husband is anything like my father, then chances are he really hates himself. In your husband's case it would be down to his mental health problems. I bet he feels angry towards you because you gave him happines that he feels that he didn't deserve. He feels guilty about that, which makes him even more angry. I bet that he hurts the kids just to get at you. It's especially easy for him becuase those children are a permanent reminder of the good times that he feels he shouldn't have had.
This may sound backward and I may be completly wrong. However, it is this conclusion that has put me on the path of forgiveness with my dad.
Don't let your husband put your kids in the same position I've been in. I came out alright, but not everyone is as lucky. Please, don't let your husband have any contact with your children. Do talk about his good points and do explain to your children that their father still loves them as I'm sure he still does. But also explain that you and your husband have fallen out so badly that he is very angry and its his anger towards you that make that makes him say nasty things to them. Most of all, reassure the children that you love them and will always be there for them.
When they are old enough, they can decide for themselves whether Daddy is worth their time. One day your husband will realise what a jerk he is being and take steps to make ammends, my dad did.
2006-09-17 05:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by StolenAnjel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry to hear what you have been going through. Some men just don't seem to mature at all. The type of man who does these things seem to think the grass is greener on the other side, but of course being women, you and I know different. Hopefully he will realise himself one day, what pain he has caused you and your children and apologise
In the mean time, maybe you should sit with your children, and explain that you love them very much and will never leave them, Hopefully you have family or close friends you can lean on for a wee while, I am sure they will be only too willing to help you get through this. Keep strong and don't let this terrible situation beat you down. This difficult time will pass, and you will come out the other side a stronger person. Good Luck. x
2006-09-16 23:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God H, your'e having a horrible time of it. For what it's worth I kinda know what you're going through. (my partners x wife is just like your x husband) Its a really really horrible stressful time for you. The only emotional advise I can give, is what I said to my partner when she told the kids that their daddy didn't love them anymore and said that he couldn't see them was, stay strong, kids are'nt kids for long and they're not stupid. They know already whats going on, and when they're older, will be strong enough to make up their minds and vote with their hearts and their feet.
Practical advice... not much I'm afraid. Change you're bank account now and speak to the bank manager, exact same thing happened to my partner! (do you think they have a book of 'To Do's' to follow or something) That'll stop it happening again.
Tell the kids you love them and are NEVER going to leave them, which I'm sure you are doing.
Yes stay strong for the kids, but don't hide that you're upset, they know anyway.
I'm so sorry that someone elses is going through the same thing - it does get managable (to a degree) He's a few years down the line now. (though it got significantly worse when we got together) It won't always be this unbearable, I promise.
You've got the children, They love you and you love them, thats the important thing.
Chin up and stay strong... x
2006-09-16 21:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by Bodieann 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I knew he had mental health problems 'cos reading your bit just told me he is a nutcase!! you are well rid of him and although life seems hard and it's tough watching the kids, it WILL be worth it. Get all the help you can from your family and friends, get in touch with your ex husbands CPN he must have one if he has mental health problems, the CPN will be able to assist you in the dealings with ex. Ask solicitor to get you sole custody of the children, apply for all benefits you are entitled to, it's people in your situation that needs our social system, get tough, keep a grip, ask the court to make any contact between him and the kids a supervised contact, this way everything he says or does is monitored and you could stop access if he upsets the kids for the sake of it. You are a woman, you are stronger than you know yet, I know, I have been there, you WILL manage. Good luck.
2006-09-16 20:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by pottydotty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That has to be a very sad situation. I know you have to try to remain strong for the kids and deal with heart ache at the same time. But you know what you have to do, Take care of you and your children right now. He is not healthy for them. And it's good you have morals wanting the father of you children to be in there life. But he's not displaying the proper behavior of an adult. And the worst type of hurt is mental hurt. Don't allow them to go through that know matter how much it hurts. In time he will come around. Or deal with the consequences of mistreating his children.. And you are a strong women. Take care of your children and you will be blessed... There what matters... Not that corn ball of a man that can hurt children that's harmless to him.. It's crazy the way some people think.. But don't worry about him his luck won't be good. And he going to do the same thing to the other girl and her children..Watch it's a cycle... And she'll be calling you asking you, How could he do her that way... Stand strong and when you see them show them that you can handle yours all by yourself... Keep your head up.. You will be blessed.. Nothing good comes to those that do people wrong..
Good Luck..
2006-09-16 20:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by The'Truth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised you don't have mental problems by the way he's been carrying on.. What a nasty man to walk out on his kids.. Ive got a husband and kids myself and if he ever did that I would be moreso heartbroken for them. I don't know what the answer is but I would sye his ****, make him realise he can't just bugger off and shirk his responsibilities.
And as for his 'new girlfriend' she can shut up, she has no say in his life regarding you and the kids and by the way get in touch with the child support agency about him leaving you in the crap.
Im sorry if this seems harsh but it's the only way, its you and the kids now cos he left he's a pig and doesn't deserve the right to see his kids..
Legal advice from your solicitor about what to do next. Have you told your family? ad are you getting support from them?
Only an arsehole would do this to his family.
2006-09-16 20:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by Scatty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, firstly, leave it to the kids decision if they want to see the dad. If they do and he doesnt want to see them then it wont be long before they know what hes really like, which is a bonus. No dad is better than a bad one for many reasons.
Forget about the girlfriend, sooner or later she will get the same treatment you did, hopefully you will find a new love by then.
Theres more important things than digital TV! Spend the money on school trips, and family trips too (family meaning without the ***hole dad)
Good luck!
2006-09-16 20:47:54 · answer #7 · answered by bruvvamoff 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm so sorry for how things have worked out - he certainly is not dealing with the full deck. Soon, he will probably outstay his welcome at her place. Don't allow this twisted individual anywhere near you or your children. Let him know any further contact must be through solicitors. If he can be so emotionally violent, he can probably be physically violent quite easily. He's justa de-railed train at the moment, and probably doesn't know where he will finally stop.
All the other answerers have been very wise, just listen to us all.
2006-09-16 21:02:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant beleive He would say that to Your nine year old daughter.It doesn`t make sense.If He was there when Your girls were born,helped with the delivery,saw them before You even did like my husband did,then no way would that be so.I f it is ,then Your well rid,He`s playing at being a dad.I feel sorry for children who get used as pawns.When He`s bored with this family He`ll try to go back to You and resume Your services!! Cut Him out of Your lives.
2006-09-16 22:56:08 · answer #9 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married this man so you know what kind of man he was when you decided to have children with him. If you've spent all that time refusing to accept that he's a nasty bastuard then you only have yourself to blame when it comes to both yours and you daughter's future happiness.
If you feel that the new woman is manipulating the situation to suit her, would it really be a wise idea to allow your children to stay in contact with their father?
Your duty is to your children. If your husband isnt mature enough to have a relationship with them, then he shouldnt have a relationship with them until they are old enough to understand his emotional blackmail.
You need to let go of him financially and emotionally until the youngest is 16. You need him like a hole in the head.
2006-09-17 02:58:59 · answer #10 · answered by Wicked Top. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋