Funny Sayings?

Question

Do you know any good or funny Confucius and Limerick sayings?

http://home.tiscali.be/patrick.verboven/The-House-of-Lists/index.html

Answer 1

lWoman who wear wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.

Man with one chopstick go hungry

Man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.

Man who fights wife all day gets no piece at night.

Man who live in glass house should dress in basement.

Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.

Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man gives wife upright organ.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.

Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.

Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

Blonde who fly upside down have crack up.

A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.

It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drop watch in toilet have $hitty time.

Man who make love to girl on hill, well, he not on level.

Man who sit on tack get point.

Answer 2

This one is my standard response if someone accuses me of farting.

A fartin' horse will never tire.
A fartin' man's the man to hire.
A fartin' dog's a loyal hound.
Fartin' gal's the best I found.

I got the first two lines from my Grampa, made up the second two.
Also, while I'm on the subject, if I let an S.B.D., I like to say, before it reaches anybody, "Feel the wrath of my anus."

Answer 3

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read

Answer 4

Confucius says man who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly fingers

that's all i know- sorry

Answer 5

Man who walk sideways into airport turnstile is going to Bangcock (Thailand)
Man who goes to sleep with hard problem wakes up with solution in hand.
Man who stands up on toilet seat while crapping is high on pot

Answer 6

i dont know what the hell confucius and limiricks are, but heres a good saying.

Losers always whine about doing there best. winners go home and **** the prom queen.

Answer 7

one from our son

we took him to the cinema as a surprise treat

while we were waiting for the film to start when we were seated in our seats he leaned over and asked

'do we need to put our seatbelts on now mummy?'

Answer 8

"Remember...Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." or "Life is a beach, just don't get too much sand in your panties"

Answer 9

there once was a woman from Kent
whose nose was most terribly bent
one day she chose
to follow her nose
and nobody knows where she went

Answer 10

It' not Confucious but actually an old Arab saying that I think is funny (and true.)
"Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel."