Gay's and Lesbians, will you all accept my apology?

Question

I've been saying some very un-Christian things on here. My teenage son recently came out to me as a gay, and I found Yahoo! Answers in the history on his computer. This is a question that I asked:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoOwojIWwv8blBSFRVkJWX3sy6IX?qid=20060915022936AAO6gwu

I also said some very negative things in the answers that I gave. After I read some of the comments that I got from fellow Christians with a level head, I realized the horible terrible mistake I had made. I felt that this site has somehow made my son gay, but I think that secretly I felt like I had made him gay. I was taking my anger out on this site and particularly the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender section.

I'm still confused about the whole gay thing, but I realized how stupid I was acting. I told my son that I would disown him if he continued to be gay, I didn't really mean it, but I thought saying it would make him straight. He told me he couldn't change who he was.

But that whatever disision that I made, he would still love me. That made me cry the hardest that I'd cried in years. I realized how awful I'd been, and I re-read the answers to my question with my new perspective, and I realized that I was the one that had been bitten by the devil. I'm sorry, to all of you.

ghostin007, I am sincere. I don't know that much about the Gay community, but there is a woman that works in the same place that I do and she is an open Lesbian. Before my son came out to me, I saw all the things that she did as being Lesbian, now I realize that many of the straight people that I work with have done exactly the same things as she's done. I'm starting to realize that Gays are normal people.

Bearable, I think I understand what you mean. If I weren't so strong in my convictions, I don't think this would have been as painful as it has been. I'm still very emotional about it, and I've been crying at the drop of a hat all day long.

c_jinnett, your appology is accepted as well.

kingreef777, I have to disagree with you. What I was doing had nothing to do with my son and everything to do with myself. I didn't realize how selfish I was being until my son said that he would still love me if I'd disown him and throw him out of the house. He loved me even when I was threatening to do something that no fit parrent would do to their underage child.

looksadpaper, I'm terribly worried about my son. I've started realizing how bad gays have it in this country. I don't want him to fall victim to the hatrid that I must have been adding to the flames of. I don't know if there is a suport group for parrents of gay children, but I think their should be.

just_ine_credible, I think I'm starting to realize that. To be quite honest I'm not exactly sure what the Bible says about Homosexuality, but I know that it does say the we are all sinners. I think I'm starting to realize what that really means.

brat8278, I have to admit just a few days ago, I don't think that I would have accepted an appology from a gay person that said hateful things to Christians. To be honest, I'm surprised (but overjoyed) that so many gay people are big enough to accept my appology. I was extreamly hateful in my comments. I'm now very embaresed by my comments, and extremly guilt ridden. I won't blow off any of the questions that I read, even the ones that I don't comment on, I will still take to heart.

Dash, Thank you for that website! PFLAG is exactly what I need right now!

Answer 1

If you are really sincere about this apology...I can work with it...

Answer 2

PLEASE - I entered into the whole Christian Fundamentalist movement when I was a young adult, hoping that Christianity would be the answer and would "cure" my sexual "preference".

I have since come to KNOW... having a difference is not the same as having a deviance... orientation is not the same as preference... and the TRUE principles of Christian (Christ's) teaching are not necessairily the same as mankind's personal interpretation of what the Bible says.

In the earlier part of the 20th Century... left-handedness was considered to be a choice, and if a child would not conform to the majority's norm he/she would be scorned, ridiculed, and punished for being deviant and defiant.

During my years at a conservative fundamentalist Baptist College, I observed the bigotry, prejudice, ridicule, and hatred being promulgated by the "christian" teachers and preachers. Not only was it open-season on gays... but they also ridiculed other "christian" faiths who practiced different rituals and held different thoughts on certain doctrinal beliefs. Somehow they came to believe that they held a monopoly on the truth... and anyone who wanted The Truth, had to accept it their way.

In John 14:6 - Jesus said (in essence) ... The way to the Kingdom Of God ( which he also pointed-out is to be found within any individual ) is by seeking, following, and dedicating oneself to a Life of Truth. When Jesus walked the earth... his primary adversaries were the self-righteous and religious people of that day. Not much has changed since then. The self-righteous, religious fanatics are still a primary source of conflict, hatred, and death. They supposedly teach unconditional "love"... but it's always contingent upon conformance to a personally interpreted set of dictates.

I once believed in the claim for their so-called "literal intrepertation" of the Bible. But after a closer look and with a more complete understanding, I realized the interpretation was literally SELECTIVE - emphasizing parts that justify their beliefs, and leaving parts that would present a balanced view.

Two very good books that might help you in the personal conflict between Gay and Christianity are: " What The Bible REALLY Says About Homosexuality " ; and, " Is The Homosexual My Neighbor ".

Fortunately, gay and christian do NOT have to be mutually exclusive concepts or mutually exclusive personal realities. There are many CHRISTIAN churches today who welcome gays AS THEY ARE. They realize that God is more concerned with attitudes of heart than with outward appearance or behavior.

If a person is starving, would God condemn the person for "stealing" an apple? I think not... but the Legalists would.

Answer 3

Apology accepted, even though this is the first time I have read a post by you. I am very happy that you have a relationship with your son enough that he could even tell you the truth. I told my parents about 3 years ago and I have been disowned for it. Living the closeted life of a hetrosexual is terrible when you know deep down that you are gay. Be very supportive and TALK to him. PFLAG is a great website and has links to chapters in your area. Get involved. An open mind is the best way to experience the world. Good Luck to both of you!!

Answer 4

I am touched.

I've seen a lot of activists hate mothers like you (like you were before). Now that you understand that things you say hurt, you may understand why.

Your story really put a human face on the "evil homophobic parent".

We all do bad things, but through learning and experience we can get better. You could even make an analogy to Christianity, which teaches forgiveness.

Most important thing.
Apologize to your son. Tell him you didn't mean it and you were just confused and didn't know what to do. Tell him you love him. You loved him before you knew, and nothing about him has changed since he told you. Remind him that he is still family.

Your son was very brave for being true to you and himself by doing what he did...and you are brave and honorable for realizing you made a mistake and taking responsibility for it.

Also, there is an organization, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
You should take a look at their website
http://pflag.org/

There are a lot of people who were in your situation.

Answer 5

Dear Sister,

I saw an answer you put in the other night and I couldn't believe it. I am gay and it was SO bad that I just prayed, "God...please help that woman not to hate so much".

I know that your son coming out to you probably crushed your very world. That's ok. It takes time to adjust. My folks did. I was a Christian at about 9 years old. Saved in church summer camp. Played piano for church for many years.

It takes a LOT of study, prayer, and soul searching to figure this all out and try to figure how God may really feel about it. I only know that He is my savior and friend. Like the old hymn says, "No one understands like Jesus". That song has helped me a lot.

When you read the Bible. Check the red letters, Jesus NEVER preached or taught on homosexuality. That is only mentioned later by other writers. They were the evangelists of the day. Much like ours today. Their general themes are right, but some of the details include human error.

I wish you well on this journey. For the love between you and your son, you must make it. He will need to work out his own salvation too.

God Bless You. I can't tell you how glad I was to read this tonight. God be with you, Sister.

Answer 6

One thing that I think you will find about the gay community is that many of us have gone through what your son is going through. I may have a fancy education (even seminary) but my fundamentalist family still does not speak to me. I lament that so many of the gay youth that I have worked with will not have as bright of a future as your lucky son.
Not to answer for others, but I have noticed the gay community will take a bullet for those whose ideals stand in the way of LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. As you grow as a Christian and a mother of a gay son, you will find the community is nothing short of a blessing. I would also like to share with you a sermon that was written by a straight Episcopal minister. It's the best i've read, he was able to take the vereses that are used so often to JUDGE gays and extended those verses into the chapters, so we can get the bigger picture. I'd like to share this with anyone who feels that they need to open their mind or find a new level of acceptance in such a trying and conflicted issue.

In closing, from a professional standpoint, i'd like to help you in any way that I can......email me and i'll share the sermon with you as well as tell you about some of the families that I work with and what they face and why YOU have such an advantage.

Everyone keep in mind, the suicide rates among gay teens are consistent (if not increasing.) It's mothers like this who save lives, accept her apology.
Kind Regards, C

Answer 7

I accept your apology, though I never even knew what you had did. I hope things get better and better with your son. A lot of parents feel that way when they first find out a child is gay. I myself am very blessed to have two parents( as well as other family and friends,even co-workers) who pretty much had no problem with it at all. But even though you had some beginning problems, you are starting to come around. Some children have parents who disown them, and they never talk to them again in life. Stay blessed.

Answer 8

Just always remember, that your son is the same person as he was before he told you he was gay. Nothing about him changed. The only thing that changed was your insight into who he is. You loved him 2 seconds before he told you of his sexuality. I will never understand parents "disowning" their children when they tell them of their orientation. Spouting such an ugly word does not change the fact that you are still the parent to an amazing individual who deserves your respect and appreciation for their honesty.
As a lesbian and a Christian I can tell you that your son is a strong human being and he has much respect for you, as well as himself.
Embrace that! God does!

Answer 9

i am totally blown away. i have read some really hatefull things here but this is the first time that i have actually got red in the face! what i wounder is what if i told you i was gay and said some really hatefull things, and then turned around and said a heart filled apology- would you forgive me? would you tell me that you accept my apology? i didn't answer your first question, but i can say that i am a bisexual and that is just who i am and for you to rant on like you did really made me sad that there are more people like you in the world with such a closed and narrow mind to actually hate people that you don't Evan know! i really wish that you will praise your son for he is the fruit of your loins.and tell him that no matter what you will always love him and he should be proud to be himself. and be glad that you have a kind enough son to tell you no matter what he will always love you!
I'm sure you will read this and blow it off with the others but i really hope that you do open your mind and your heart and love your baby! best wishes!

Answer 10

I've haven't read any of your previous posts, but i do forgive you. It takes a big person to admit their faults and coming back to apologize shows that you have character.
The only advice i can give to you is to give yourself time to accept and come to terms with having a gay child. Be open and listen to what your son have to say, it's important to keep the lines of communication open with him. I just came out to my family and friends last year, on my 50th birthday and i must admit my mom is still having trouble coming to terms with having a gay child. I've lost friends and family members because of who i am and it still hurts to this day. In accepting your son for who he is you'll show him unconditional love. Good Luck and may god bless both of you!

Answer 11

I answered your question. I think I need to apologize to you. I said that you obviously didn't have an ounce of love in your body. Now I see I was wrong. I accept your forgiveness. And I can understand how you could have over reacted like that, but I still don't necessarily condone your actions, but then I'm guilty of almost the same thing, so... Well, anyway, you're forgiven.