today my husband and i were shopping at safeway and i seen an old friend of mine that's a male i didn't know he worked there and he seen me and came up and said hello and i didn't see him at first untill i heard my husband telling him why was he talking to me?anyways i didn't want to be rude and walk away so i stood there a had a short conversation with my old friend while my husband walked away.my husband is now 36 and i 34 i didn't think he'd act so immaturaly about this i mean he got mad at me and even threatened to hit me i've never seen him so mad in the 20 years we've been married!my husband says i should ignore any male friend that say's hi to me in the future is that right?what would you have done in this situation?my husband is calm right now and in fact he's being very nice ,except he is kinda playing a guilt trip on me like making comments that i'm running into boyfriends and that's not the case at all.
2006-09-16 16:59:54 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry not 20 years 12 years typing error
2006-09-16 17:09:17 · update #1
married 12 years
2006-09-16 17:20:13 · update #2
YOUR HUSBAND HAS A MATURITY PROBLEM.
HOW SAD THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE MORE FAITH IN YOU THAN TO REACT IN SUCH A FASHION.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND I WOULD DO THE SAME THING IF THERE WAS EVER A NEXT TIME.
YOUR HUSBAND NEED TO GROW UP.
2006-09-17 09:41:12 · answer #1 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband has a valid point for being upset, but absolutely NO EXCUSE FOR THREATENING TO HIT YOU. But I do understand his train of thought. If the two of you have been married since you were 14 and he was 16 I can deffinately understand that he is thinking "when exactly in the past did you know this guy"? It couldn't have been when you were 14 because he wouldn't have recognized you. I wouldn't pass it off as your husband being insecure because if that was case, then you would have seen your husband that mad more often. I think because this is a new situation for your husband, he did not handle it correctly. I don't think he is trying to lay a guilt trip but rather he doesn't know how to express how serious of a problem this is for him. It really bothered him and he doesn't know how to express it to you. It's just his way of letting you know. You do need to reasure him that he has nothing to worry about. Also, tell him that if the two of you ever run into an old friend, that neither one of you should leave but rather talk together so that neither one of you is alone. Most importantly, you must discuss the threats that he made. That is unacceptable. Reassure him that you have done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment and that he would be heartbroken if he did ever stoop to that level, and that if he ever did, you would not tolerate it.
2006-09-16 17:28:06 · answer #2 · answered by Kingdom_Queen 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Emotional blackmail is the worst kind of control. Your husband is very immature and insecure and the reason you probably havent seen this side to him is because you havent run into any old male friends before. Ding Ding....alarm bells ringing. He threatened to hit you? If you dont want to get hit in the future then you need to lock yourself away and never talk to another male again because he will react this way every time. You need to wrap yourself up and devote your whole life to making him happy. Your husband sounds like hes a 10 year old kid throwing a tantrum. You have no reason to feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. His mind is working overtime. If you think he will follow through on his threat of hitting you and you are afraid to push your point across to him, then something is very wrong in this relationship. If you are afraid of him, then you obviously will not want to argue this point with him. If that is the case, then you need to get some help because it is the beginning of the end, or maybe the start of an abusive relationship.
2006-09-16 17:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
personally i feel as if your husband is feeling intimiadated he probably feels a little jealous too .the best thing that you can do is just re assure him that you love him and that the man you bumped into today was just a blast from your past nothing to get so crazy over really? but you also have to wonder what if it was him that bumped into a female friend how would you have reacted either way you both have to realize the world may seem like a big place but trust me it isnt and you are both bound to run into friends and ex lovers along the way ok and no he has no right to be mad you was just being polite to an old friend .
2006-09-16 17:10:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your husband needs to grow up..like yesterday! He's going to threaten to hit you because someone spoke to you in the grocery store?? come on!! This isnt even a question..did he marry you or buy you? He's never been abusive in 20 years? And you were married when you were 14? How could you have any old bf's if he married you at that age? Mine wouldn't have dared to behave like that big a moron in the first place so I couldn't say what I would do in your situation, I wouldn't tolerate someone treating me like that! Good luck.
2006-09-16 17:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it's ok to say hello and be polite. It's not like you ran up to this guy and gave him a huge hug. You were just beling polite and your husband was acting like he was 6 years old. Would you act the same way if he saw an ex of his? The next time he mentions it, tell him to shut up. He's the one you love and married. He's got you now and for the rest of your life...unless he keeps acting like a child. And make sure to let him know that if he ever hits you that you may not be able to hit him while he's awake but you sure as hell can beat the crap out of him while he sleeps.
2006-09-16 17:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lucy_Fir 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I personaaly do not agree with your husband's view. He's probably insecure and behaved jealously when he saw you talking to another man! It's not a serious issue to be so concerned about, though, because you mentioned that he's already feeling guilty about his behaviour.
You need to assure him of your love for him and tell him frankly and sincerely that you will not be interested in other men. You were only being polite by not ignoring and old friend and you are not guilty of anything. Ask him what he would do if an old friend (opposite sex) of his greets him. Would he ignore her? I think couples should have trust in each other, don't you think so?
2006-09-16 17:49:02 · answer #7 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Okay first of all you did not do anything wrong, second of all he is the one being immature and overreacting and lastly your friend was wrong cause he should of respected the fact that you were with your husband. And if your husband threatens to hit you well you call the police immediately, he is just acting immature and selfish.
2006-09-16 17:06:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
my husband talks to plenty of girls he is a friendly guy and he has many friends of both sexes. Your husband shouldnt get jealous over the fact that you seen an old friend. Maybe him acting out is a sign that he is not proud of something he is doing or has done
2006-09-16 18:00:39 · answer #9 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all, no man should ever put his hands on a woman unless it is during sex and she likes it. just the comment of him "hitting" you should send you running for the hills. If your husband is that insecure, you are with the wrong man. If this man you met is an old fling, it was probably not cool for you to spend time with him other than a simple hello. but the issue of him hitting you is troubling and I hope you address this issue with him.
2006-09-16 17:33:06 · answer #10 · answered by dnstvn 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are 34 but you say you have been married 20 years? What state can you get married at 14?
2006-09-16 17:17:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋