know and have been telling him that I don't want it to affect our sex life. He loves me I am sure of that in the sense that he is there for me. He says he loves our sex life, but I know his account is under BDSM.. which is not my cup-o-tea..it is probably very mild because he is a soft person but he likes very raunchy music (if that has anything to do with it )He says he does'nt need all that but he still uses it. We live long distance and I am moving in next month. We see eachother every week-end but he travels alot for his work. I wonder if it is because he is bored, lonely and misses me. Wishful thinking. I sure would like him to open up to me but he is like an oyster in regards to sex "elsewhere". I feel hurt and I am afraid that he will always hide that from me, which will stress me.
Would you have any suggestions as to how to accept it or how to make him open up to me. Also, would you call it cheating ? He has asked me to marry me.
Thank you ;)
2006-09-16 16:59:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I see alot of people telling you " oh dont worry about it" or " its no big deal" or " you can meet people on that site too" ...........honey if your man is into this porn and lying to you about it......dont you ever wonder what else he is lieing to you about?
Why if this man loves you does he need to look at porn at all for? Loving you and knowing what a great person you are on the inside along with how pretty you are and seeing all that genuine love you have for him should be whats turning him on not some naked woman on a porno site.
It really doesnt matter how bored he is, or how much he misses you.....there is no excuse for sitting there on a porno site when he has a great girl like you who loves him. To me what he is doing is cheating.......no he might not be sleeping with them, but he is lusting after other women on a porno site and thinking about them...so yes, i believe its a way of cheating.
you asked if there were any suggestions as to how you might accept it......honey why on earth would you want to accept your now boyfriend who says he wants to marry you getting on porn sites and lusting after other women? You say he wont open up to you about it or anything.....honey if he loves you as he says he does why is he hiding it from you, why wont he talk about it with you? I would want my man to be open and honest with me and you should want the same thing. Now I want you to think about this too .... what if every time he makes love to you he is thinking of these women on this porn site.....do you want to have to wonder about that too? What he is doing is only going to make problems in your relationship not to mention hurt you.
You need to let him know in no uncertian terms.......that you DO NOT like it and out of respect for you ...you want him to stop it......let him know if he doesnt there will be no you moving in or any wedding because frankly you do deserve alot better ....If he loves you as he says he does and wants to marry you....then he will talk to you about it and give it up.......if he still wont talk to you and isnt willing to give up the porn then you need to do whats best for you and
as difficult as it is you might need to walk away from him.
You are so precious to God and He LOVES YOU so much......He didnt attend for you to come second to pornography or to sit by and settle for or accept that kind of behavior from this boyfriend of yours. He wants to give you the best and prosper you and have you live a full joyful and abundant life.....but how is that gonna happen if you are willing to accept this addiction to porn that your boyfriend has.
You deserve alot better ........You deserve a man who will love you, respect you, be honest with you. A real man doesnt need or look at porn.......his eyes are only on the woman he is with because he loves her and respect her and their relationship. Please dont accept this behavior from your boyfriend..... It will only lead to you having a broken heart and being hurt after all you said it yourself you are feeling hurt and stressed....think about that. Somewhere out there God has a man that wont treat like your boyfriend has......this man will treat you right and you shouldnt settle for any less than the best there is for you.......when the time is right you will find that kind of man.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and God bless.
2006-09-16 17:48:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should see if you can find out who he is on those sites and see what his profile is.
As long as you have a healthy relationship, and the type of sex he is fantasizing about is not your cup of tea (and unless it is NO WAY, you might try it) you should ignore it. Most guys will do porn and some will not give it up however fulfilling their relationship is.
Because of the travel, you should REALLY be okay with it though, before you tie the knot (live together for a while and see what gives). Consider that now break is up easy, kids, years of jealousy and fights and aggravation usually make it harder.
Another thought is that BDSM takes one person to lead and one to follow, he may be a follower, and how appalling is it to lead him a little without massive amounts of toys, whips or chains?
2006-09-19 11:10:25 · answer #2 · answered by Don't look too close! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Awwww poor thing! Reminds me of when my gf was worried when i was looking at magazines and it had models in it , tho your case seems a lil extream in a way. BUT all guys have been to porn sites, i think so at least, and i think it doesnt mean bored or anything. But adult friend finder? that is not a good sign. But then again, i have been looking at that site out of curiosity , at that time i had a gf, and i know she would have surely thought im trying to cheat, when i was just looking at how desperate people can get. Tho its not always understandble to use that as an excuse.
i would advise not to worry. but just work on your relationship as a whole. Be yourself, and do not depend on him. Try to keep communication going, but dont force it, give plenty of space at the same time, have your own space too, with your own friends. I never told my gf about that, not cos i didnt love her (even tho she left me now) but cos i was afriad what she will think of me.
Take care and best of luck!
Sel
2006-09-16 17:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by DudeWantsAnswers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it isn't cheating now, it will be when the two of you are married. If you think you're gonna change him, you're wrong...dead wrong. That's the problem with you women. You always choose loosers like this thinking you can remake them later on. Why don't you just find a decent and respectable guy to begin with? Wouldn't that make life much easier? Enough said.
2006-09-16 17:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is very 'soft' and is into 'BDSM' , he is probably a 'submissive'. That is actually GOOD NEWS.
You just need to grab this pansy by the berries and tell him how things are going to be from now on!!!! It would help if you were willing to dress up in a vinyl suit with a vinyl mask. He will enjoy taking orders from you and having you walk on him in high heels.
Have fun but remember to always have a safety word!
2006-09-16 17:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well not trying to sway from the topic but it sounds to me like yall are not very open in the communication department. Either he doesn't have the confidence he can share things with you or what. But before the i do's it is something you need to look into. Not only in a sexual realm. Open honest communciation is what it's all about. And im not saying its easy but its important.
As far as the sexual intrest ask him to share with you.. It may be something yall both can get into.. Make your love even more exciting...
2006-09-16 17:20:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend who joined aff and it is nothing but trouble. she has lost her kids and most of her friends. he must be looking for something other than just someone to talk too otherwise he would get onto a different site. ask him if he would give it up when you move in and see what he says. if it is no don't move in.
another way you could try is to tell him that you want to join aff yourself and see what his reaction is... if he is against it you will know that he doesn't want you to find out wha5t type of friends he is chatting [or more] with. does he have a webcam? take care.
2006-09-17 14:48:50 · answer #7 · answered by gayle d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely cheating because he's soliciting sex online. I don't know what's worse him looking for sex outside of your relationship or his willingness to have sex with strangers from the internet. Not only is that disrespectful but also very dangerous. Protect yourself and be extremely safe with him until you make up your mind.
2006-09-16 17:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs_knowitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't mean to burst ur bubble but u can MEET people on Adultfriendfinder... I aughta know u better peep what's goin on gurl all those trips might b to C someone on the sight! Take care and b Careful
2006-09-16 17:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by ~Niecee~ âË» âË» ♂ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said it's a long distance relationship, so he's probably just bored and is using it for entertainment purposes . . but you should really talk to him to find the real answer . . . if you're moving in and he's asked you to marry him, if this is something you are uncomfortable with, I would ask him to not do it anymore . .
2006-09-16 17:02:32 · answer #10 · answered by ♥LoisLane♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He ask you to married you. If it have not affect the sex life, don't worry about it. It could be worse- a drug head, abusive, a jerk. When he is ready to open up, he will. Leave him alone.
2006-09-16 17:08:52 · answer #11 · answered by sweet_sensitivelady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋