What should I do,I mean he is my Dad....?

Question

Ok,my Dad is getting married to a woman who I don't like... But I want the best for my Dad though. She has 2 kids a 5 and a 2 year-old. they are both so cute but they are so annoying!! And my parents are divorced (obviously)and whenever I go to my Dad's house and go into what used to be my room, I can never be alone!! I mean I am 12 years-old and I share a room with a 2 and a 5 year-old!! It is just stupid!! My Dad is 36 and his fiance' is 24. She is horrible! She cusses and swears at her little children and doesn't care what she wears!! She walks in front of my friends and my little brother in her thongs & bra on. And when she wears a robe she leaves it open! I mean dress how you wanna but not in front of people!! ( if i didn't tell you she is almost as big as a cow!! I am not kidding!!) And she walks around like she does.... I just don't know what to do, I am going to court to talk about how I feel...But should I let my Dad marry someone for his money? Or should I put out my feelings

Answer 1

You sound like a very intelligent young girl (or guy) who is being very honest about this situation and how it makes you feel. It is certainly a very difficult situation, especially for a twelve year old who is on the verge of becoming a teen and needs some space and privacy.

Is living with your mom an option?

Your dad is human and wants a relationship with a younger woman, but unfortunately for you and your little brother, he's putting her and her kids ahead of you and your little brother. It's really not fair and your dad is being very selfish. But this gal, who probably is using your dad, is more than likely going to try and make you feel like you are the one being selfish.

You've got a good grasp on the situation and have a right to these feelings. Be honest with your dad and the courts about your feelings just like you are in your question and take on the situation.

This 24 year old girl is just a kid with kids and you sound like you're the grownup here. I do wish the best for you and your little brother.

Answer 2

She sounds kind of trashy. You're probably a good influence on her kids, but you shouldn't have to take that position on at your age. Can you petition to live with your mom all the time? Sharing a room with a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old is a lot to ask a 12 yr old to do. Also, can you see a family therapist with your dad, so a uninvolved person can help you guys understand how you both feel about the situation?

Answer 3

Hun, I've been in your situation, and honestly there is really nothing you can say or do to change the fact that your dad is going to marry this woman. My dad didn't realize how horrible my ex-stepmother was until they divorced 10 years later. However, by talking to your dad about the way your soon to be step-mother dresses when she's around the house or how she cusses in front of you and your brother. She's in charge of her kids, and I wouldn't mention how a bad influence to her own kids. Your dad should be concerned that she's a bad influence to his own kids. Perhaps she doesn't realize that the way she behaves in front of you or walks around in her underware is bothering you. If you don't speak up no one will ever know, and even if it doesn't change anything at least your dad knows how you feel. Good luck, and I know that speaking up about the way you feel to your father or in front of your father at court will make you feel so much better. Its hard to do....I still have trouble talking to my dad but I know you can do it.

Answer 4

What a tough situation to be in. I feel for you. It's hard to decide when it is best to tell the truth, or keep your mouth shut for the sake of another's happiness. The thing is, he is your dad, and there is a saying that "The apple never falls far from the tree". What I mean by that is that you'd be surprised how much you and your dad will likely see things eye to eye if you're straight-forward with him. If push comes to shove, tell him you love him, but so long as this woman acts and dresses like this around you and your little brother, you're not going to come back and visit. It's a difficult thing to say, and a far harder thing to do, but if that is what it takes to get your point across, then so be it.

Answer 5

Your dad's an adult, and there's really nothing you can do to stop him from marrying this woman. Perhaps you can arrange to be alone with your dad for dinner or something so you can discuss your concerns with him. Tell him that when you stay over you need a room to yourself because you are growing up and need your space. Tell him that you worry about the little kids because she swears at them, and that it makes you uncomfortable the way she dresses when your friends and little brother are around. He may not be aware of all of this going on, so approach it in a straightforward, adult manner (no whining or crying). Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 6

You honestly can't keep your Dad from marrying someone, but you certainly can try to talk to him about it and express your feelings and thoughts. I would also mention the way that she walks around the house. . .it is inappropriate, as well as the way she talks . . .totally inappropriate.

Also, talk to your Mom and tell her why you are not comfortable going to your Dad's house. Is the court forcing you to have visitation? If so, there isn't much you can do about it, but if there is a custody hearing, you should be able to voice your 2 cents worth and be sure to let them know WHY you do not want to go there.

Sounds like a pretty emotionally unhealthy atmosphere and your dad sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do if he is dating someone who is 24 and sees nothing wrong with the way she acts. If he is marrying her for her money, then he really is pretty low. That is one of the lamest reasons for getting married that I ever heard of.

Answer 7

Honey I feel bad for you. and the little ones. They don't deserve to hear all the swear words and shouldn't hear them. I would have a little chat with your father. He might not even know that she is doing these things in front of you and your friends. I hope that he would straighten her out on that real fast. I would also tell him about the cursing in front of the little ones. Do you have a choice as who you live with? I suppose you love your father very much or you wouldn't be going through all your going through. I just hope he will get the problem solved for your sake and the babies. You sound like a better mother than she is. God Bless you and the babies. God Bless your father too. Maybe through in a prayer for your step mother that she will change. God answers in mysterious ways. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

That must be so hard to go through your father's re-marriage. My cousin went through a similar thing, so I know it's no walk in the park!

Your father has a right to marry whoever he wants. But you have a right to let him know how you feel! Your stepmother-to-be clearly has some boundary issues, as her behavior is extremely inappropriate. You also need a place where you can be alone. There's nothing wrong with sharing things with younger siblings (or stepsiblings) but everyone needs some place that is theirs. Tell your father that your stepmother makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him to talk to her about that. You should not have to go around in your own father's home while his fiancee walks around in her undies! You were his child before she was his fiancee! (Lots of divorced parents forget that little tidbit.)

Answer 9

When you get quality time a lone with your father. Talk to him about the situation. Tell him about his fiance and how she dresses in front of you and your friends. But tell him you want him to be happy and you will support him but he needs to understand your feelings.

So yes put out your feelings to him. I'm sure it's bound to get better. A new adjustment always puts pressure on the family! Best of luck!

Answer 10

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this junk! Sounds like you're going to have to be the grown-up here though... it's not likely you'll get your dad to change his mind (you can only hope). Next time this idiot woman comes out with her robe open, etc. etc. just tell her to close it. And next time she swears at her kids tell her she shouldn't talk to them like that. She's going to get really mad at you... but so what? Someone needs to help her grow-up. Maybe she'll listen to you? If not, tell you're dad you love him and that you're not coming over any longer and tell him EXACTLY why. Hang in there kid... you didn't deserve any of this.