Anyone else scared?

Question

Yeah I am the guy...but I am all alone now after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids, it is so quite and lonely it gets scary sometimes. Can anyone else relate....because it is hard to sleep sometimes.

Answer 1

It is very common for everyone who has lost their love. And it is men more so than women that will marry soon after a divorce. I dont know what it is, whether a man doesnt get as cynical as a woman does, or a man needs marriage more than a woman does. I havent read enough about it to make an informed judgement. I just know when you love someone, it hurts, no matter whether you are a woman or a man.

Society, from the minute we are born think men are the strong ones and the women needed to be protected, therefore men seem to keep their personal feelings inside and sometimes that can be interpreted as "not caring". I dont believe for one minute a man doesnt feel as deeply as a woman does, they just dont show it as much.

I can certainly relate to how you are feeling, not only has your love and companionship gone, youre security is as well. We become so used to way things are, that when they change we have to adjust and adjustment takes time.

Life does go on, things change, you will not always feel this way, but try to use this experience as a getting to know yourself time...learn about you...Dont value yourself by the woman in your life. You are a capable human being, but to be whole I do believe it is nice to share your life with your soul mate. That doesnt mean you cant live without it and have a full and productive life.

I have been divorced now for 12 years...I have dated men, but I have met no-one I have really wanted to share the rest of my life with. I think my experience with my marriage/divorce made me look deep inside myself to work out what really makes me happy. I am not prepared to settle for anything less than what makes me trully happy. But if I didnt go through what I did, then I would have settled for second best for the rest of my life and would never have gotten to know me.

Its a time thing, just tell yourself that it will pass eventually. But may I say if it affecting you to the point where you are thinking that life isnt worth living, then you need to go talk it over with a counsellor. Life is worth living, and I am just glad I wasnt born a man because women are allowed to be emotional people...it is acceptable for us to go see a counsellor. Dont let the taboos of our society and the thoughts in your own head prevent you from seeking any help you need to. Just because you are a man doesnt mean you dont feel. Not a lot of guys will admit to how you are feeling, and I think thats a great start. We are all human, we all have feelings. You have taken the first step by admitting you do have these feelings...just take it one step further, try talking it out, either with a trusted friend or a counsellor. No-one is going to think anything less of you because you verbalise how you are feeling...If anything you will be respected more for it.

Take care, it really is a horrible time....I feel for you.

Answer 2

Believe me, I can relate. My divorce was finalized Wednesday. We didn't have kids and were just not compatible. My husband and I would have been married 9 years next Tuesday. I'm lucky that I have a nice boyfriend who's been a rock for me, but yeah, I know about those sleepless nights. I've learned the art of silent crying, let me tell you.

It will get better - I believe that, and you have to as well. Take a Melatonin when you can't sleep - find them in the vitamin and supplement area of the drugstore - they're not a drug, and they work pretty good.

Find a new circle of friends. Use the internet. You can move on.

Blessed be and good luck. (((((Hugs))))))

Answer 3

I can sooooo relate being alone is scary, but the scarier part is wondering if you'll feel so alone forever! It takes a LONG time to get used to not having the other 1/2 of you around.

Answer 4

yes,I can relate. 12 years is a long time to try to get over. I went through this in my divorce and it almost killed me. Thoughts of suicide and the whole nine yards. I know you have probably heard this before, but it will get better. When you get scared or lonely, go into your children;s room and look at them, I even would lay by them and snuggle them. They soothed my spirit as no one else could. Like I said before, this too shall pass and things will get better for you. Good luck to you, sir!

Answer 5

I can relate my mate left me with three kids, and its hard to sleep every night. It only gets better with time. What i did was kept busy so much during the day at night i just passed out. The busier you are the less your mind has to think about your moved on love

Answer 6

You need to give yourself time to make the transition from being married with 3 children...to being a single man again. Of course its going to be lonely at times. Try to stay busy doing things you enjoy and connecting with people whose company you enjoy. Just take it one day at a time. Pray to the Lord for comfort.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear that,, I am guessing that your wife got the kids? after 12 years it would be hard to just say good bye and walk away and never look back,, you might try doing a small memory book of your life with her,, and then put it away or burn it or what ever ,, grieve for what was,, and try to move on.

Better days can come,, believe in yourself and your happiness

Answer 8

oh .. oh!! what'v u done to yr X that u r now left with 3 kids? now it's up to u to arrange for all domestic issues too, besides having to bring in bread n gravy? U have my sympathy ..... but what else can anyone (except yourself) do now. Make a decision to do what's necessary and take one day at a time from now

Answer 9

i understand how you feel when my husband died at a young age i was alone with 2 kids and still felt scared.It takes some time but you will get past it.

Answer 10

You need to get a bwetter girlfriend and treat her better (not saying you didn't do it to the first girl.