My husband left for Iraq 5 months ago for a second time.
The first time he was asking me for sexy pictures. When he came back home he has pictures of a naked female in his laptop computer and did show them to me. He said that a lot of guys had the same copies because she had lost her pin drive and they had found it. This time he is not asking me for pictures and I feel neglected. I told him, "You don't need my pictures because you have those in your laptop." He didn't say anything. I e-mail him about how much I miss him, but he never replies to me. All he says is, "Ok, I am done for today. I am going to have dinner now. I see you tomorrow." I have been reading the same message for about 160 days. A few days before his departure I said, "I am not jealous because those females that go to Iraq lack hygiene. He just said, "What happens is that once you are over there, even the ugly ones look good." Do you think he is being unfaithful?
2006-09-16 16:00:22 · 13 answers · asked by Calm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't care if he looks at porn. What I want to know is if he is cheating on me. I am 100% faithful and love him with all my heart; however, I expect the same from him. I am not going to waste my time if that is not the case. I am not available for dirty little games. I have self-respect and self-esteem. LADIES, you understand what I mean.
2006-09-16 16:56:59 · update #1
seeitmiway32 wrote, “You best cut him some slack, or he'll have more than a picture on his hard drive!”
Oh, I am so scared! What happens is that you are the type of guy that thinks that we, women, have to love our husbands not matter what. There are also available men out there. Wake up, baby!
71160, yes, I want to know if he is cheating and YES, it is worth my marriage. Who needs to be married to a cheater? STD's are serious!!!!
2006-09-16 17:19:25 · update #2
I wrote:
“I e-mail him about how much I miss him…”
Seeitmiway32 (third answer) wrote:
“You keep telling him you don't trust him.”
What the heck are you talking about? This question was for real people with a brain, so go away!!!
About the rest of you, the answers were great. It is so hard to select the best answer, but I will have to make a decision.
Thanks guys and God bless you all!
2006-09-17 07:40:56 · update #3
Hey girl!
I totally understand your worry. I asked a question like this a few weeks ago,since my hubby is over in Iraq as well,and his "buddy" got busted for screwing around. You should read the answers I got,they were good.Of course you worry about him cheating,and for those that say just pray he comes home safe...scew you! What do you think we have been doing?? Thats what wives do,pray they come home safe...every sec of the day. I think the wife has one of the toughest jobs in the world waiting,worrying,praying for her husbands return.Ok,Now to the problem.... Have you asked him if there were alot of females on base there? Will he answer you if you ask him questions about it? If you threaten to leave him since he is not at all supporting you and reassuring you then what would he say you think? Are YOU happy? Military life is so hard,and you invest so much into the deployment that sometimes people let the other spouse get away wih anything,even cheating. NO way would I let mine,here or there..Military or not. If he showed any signs he cheated he is out the door kicked by his own combat boot in the ***.Do not be one of these wives that will put up with it please. Now,I DO KNOW that if a Soldier cheats over in Iraq,{Well...Have any Female in there "can"} They get in HUGE trouble,and can even lose their job. Alot of times it is not worth it for them,to lose their job,wife,and respect. Depending on what area your hubby works in,sometimes the pc's are always on and available. My hubby is in Headquarters and one of the guys was cheating on his Girlfriend with a photographer stationed there on base. The guys in his unit saw his emails he accidentally left on the work pc before eating,and emailed the whole thing to his real GF back home. Man all hell broke loose. My hubby acted a little "busier" than usual a few times,but as soon as I acted like I knew something was up,he reasssured me,and I felt better. I know my hubby's schedule there like the back of my hand. If you can find out when he could be cheating,and what times he has things over there. See if he is going to the gym,or p laying basketball. If he isn't try to get him involved in other activites on base. You have to be his only sexual output so if he likes it not,you take matters in your own hand and get some sexy pics taken,buy kinky toys and send him a male one {like a masturbaion sleeve} and tell him you want to have cyber sex.....spice it up alot!!! He will want to be with you,and will make it a point to want to be back online to be with you! Send him letters that you have written with erotic stories in them about what you plan to do to him when he returns. Just try new things,and if he still seems "distant" then you can atleast say,well honey..I have tried to do all these things,and you are not intrested in me,or reassuring to me. Maybe we need a break and move on. Trust me,if they think you are waiting home on there every move and not getting mad about there actions...men will run over you. Don't put up with it,and move on! Message me if you want,I have a few ideas but I won't post em here. billyscountrygirl@yahoo.com
Good luck!!!
I feel your pain.
Are you on Myspace?? Add me to your list and we will help each other through this!
http://www.myspace.com/billyandholly
2006-09-17 03:23:31 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure he's having one. I'm still with my husband and I know that he did over there. I found pictures, and an email of them saying how much they miss each other and all kind of stuff. I don't know why I keep accepting this but I do. You just have to keep him wanting you. I use to webcam with my husband and do a little cyber sex once the kids was sleep.
You can believe that story about the lost pin drive if you want but I wouldn't. To me all of them are just whores running lose over there. Neither the men or the women or being true. Sitting on the phone one minute saying they love you and then soon as your off the phone with them running off to screw the next piece of *** that will give it up.
I'm sure I sound bitter and in a way I am but please don't end up like me. In a marriage with this man that you thought would never do you wrong and then find out otherwise and everytime he says something you can't believe him because you've lost so much respect for him. My biggest mistake was looking to find out if he was and now that I found out my answer I can't get over it. Now I'm obsess with trying to see if he is. So don't go looking if you can't handle what you find. Believe me it's HELL.
2006-09-16 18:29:25 · answer #2 · answered by Good2Go 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I doubt he is cheating on you, even though the guys say even the ugly start looking good, they also realize they don't know who had the chic an hour ago. They might stare and go beat off once back in sleeping quarters. I highly doubt he's cheating on you. Besides if he's a cheater he'd do it state side before over there and if he's going to do it there , he'd do it here. If there were and are major problems in the marriage that is what will cause the cheating if he's going to cheat even problems dont mean cheating will happen. your safest bet is don't even try to talk to him about through email, not even on the phone both are just no a high patience level for a lot of men.
Keep it simple if you can't resist, like honey is everything ok is there anything I can do for you blah..blah.....
and remember you can NOT control the situation anyway if he's going to then he's going to right now there is nothing you can do about it is out of our hands as much as we hate it you will worry yourself sick over something that more than likely isn't going to happen. Don't worry until a GF or another wife comes to you with some gossip or fact he's done it. Trust me if he's going to do it you WILL find out. go here this advice might help
www.drphil.com great advice on many things.
It's going to happen no matter what for the most part. I can sympathize with you, his treatment of you of course shouldn't be so stand offish, but he may be feeling that no matter what is said or done, it's not satisfying you. I think we as WOMEN can NOT understand how and why MEN look at that stuff when they claim to their wives " you are the sexiest woman there is", I love you and only you turn me on", etc, Yet when away from home they look at porn, and our pictures aren't good enough or seem to not turn them on, most of them like movie rather than pics, .......it's not easy. But men will be men, the most you can do is let it go, because others will send him porn in his email anway so even if he doesn't want to look at it those lovely buddies will always send it to him.................but just let it go and realize that most men see those women as just Sleeze bags anyway, they wouldn't marry one if they had the chance, there is no emotional ties there when they look at the dirt bags anyway. Just be concerned if it starts to effect your sex life together. When you write him don't even bring it up or try to fix it an email. Write him flat out and say Honey, I really need you to say more things to me than what you've been saying. Go online look for hint articles of what you want to give him, and you'd like him to give the same thing. give him ideas. Don't forget to that he is in military mode right now....so the mushy side tends to retreat a bit when they are over there, especially when they are with a bunch of other men for so, so long.
2006-09-16 16:15:35 · answer #3 · answered by krm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you asked for my opinion on my email so here it is. Yes other guys do use his computer thats just a fact they do it even when they arent deployed. but i feel looking at those kinds of things are considered cheating and i would have had the same reaction as you. honestly there is nothing you can do till he gets back if you feel it is worth saving but you have to prepare yourself that he may not think its worth saving. he has what 7 months left there if hes on a year deployment let him do his job and keep yourself busy so you dont go crazy waiting. you'll know when he gets back if you still have a marriage. email me if you want to talk more
2006-09-17 06:19:20 · answer #4 · answered by ArmyWife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows what he is facing over there and the day-to-day stress he must be living with. For some reason we all seem to “assume” the worst in people. Give him a chance. Let him tell you what is going on in his way in his time. And consider this, under those conditions, even if he did cheat, do you really want to know? Is it worth your marriage?
2006-09-16 16:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by 75160 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No just you learn to play mind games to deal with alot of things that are going on. I don't mean to say that they do not start looking better even though they do. A girl in bdus does not show much and hides even more but that is just one of those things. Did you or him say something to think one or the other did not want to share pics. Is he afraid your pic will get out to all to see. Just ask and talk to him about it. He may be afraid that others will see your pics but i am sure none of us will mind.
2006-09-16 16:09:57 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I so know how you feel,, my hubby was the same way,, ( minus the nudes of another girl or at least I never found any)
his first two deployments were ok,, but this last one he was so cold and harsh to me,, we almost got divorced over it. I have talked to alot of wives that have said this deployment,, ( like 2005/2006 ones) have been soo hard,, not so much the danger is higher or anything,, just the whole feeling of the mission has made things very hard.
I will tell you from my experinece that my hubby didn't cheat but was very close to another female over there,, and I truely wish he had just slept with her for sex,, than have had the close friendship they have,, I know it sounds backwards but,, it's just me!!!
just hold strong and keep letting him know you love him and miss him,!!!!
2006-09-16 16:08:20 · answer #7 · answered by B V 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's a man, isn't he?
The local women are mostly unavailable to any man but their husbands because of the religion. So, that leaves the ones that travel with him from here. Find out who his friends are.
2006-09-16 16:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by beans 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you lambast the guy for no reason, and then expect him to overlook the attack? You keep telling him you don't trust him, yet whine when he doesn't write? Whadaya expect.
yes, even the camels look good after 6 weeks or so.
You best cut him some slack, or he'll have more than a picture on his hard drive!
2006-09-16 16:06:14 · answer #9 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
yes he is unfaithful to you. The best thing you have to do is to find out whats going on out there and confront him straight away if he betray you or not. You can tell if he is telling the truth.Through his actions and thoughts.
2006-09-16 16:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by anastasia 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋