He said he was going to go to the races but ended up at the bars took a woman to reno, NV. 4 hours away! We have been married for 9 1/2 years Dec. 23 will be 10 years we have 5 wonderful kids. 8,7,5,4,1 years. He choose to come back home and leave the other woman. What am I to do now? I don't want it to end. But how can I go on from here? How can I trust him ever again. Please help me! Thanks!
2006-09-16 15:37:27 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What in the world was he thinking? What kind of job does he have?With 5 kids does he even realize you can take his pants?He would not be so smart if he realized how much money he would have to pay in child support. He would not have finances to run off with the Jezebels in bars if his money was tied up paying you. If you don't want it to end...God bless you, you are a better woman than I am! He would not want to deal with a woman like me after that stunt! There is a lot to consider. What kind of role model do you want for your children? What is your financial situation? Could you make it on your own? Do you feel like he will do this again? (Most guys who cheat never stop) How do you know he has not picked up an std and brought it home to you? Is he heartbroken over how he hurt you? You need a to make a list of pros and cons. Every question you can possibly ask. If this is not what you want for your life, then move on girl! Women are finding mates these days even with 7 kids! There is someone who will stay faithful to you out there!If you are willing to forgive him and hang on to the hope that this will not happen again, go for it! No person has a right to tell you what is right for you. However, been there and kicked the cheater to the curb! I had three small boys! I found a faithful man the next go round, who was a good example for my children.
2006-09-16 16:01:33 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think this was the only time???? Usually when we are doing something (anything) sneaky and low and hurtful behind another's back we aren't (almost never) caught the first time. The problem is not with you regardless of what the others say. If a man is a man, he will put his cards on the deck long before this crap starts. Work it out if at all possible, don't worry about the trust thing, 'cause nobody can completely trust another human being because we are human and thus imperfect. He may be an a--hole, but remember boys and girls, you are the ones who said "for better or worse" that wedding day. Time to step up to the plate and show you meant it. Go with your heart,hon,and good luck rat
2006-09-16 15:54:46 · answer #2 · answered by Raptor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well lets see...YOU live in Modesto Cal or there about.
Middle Class neighborhood.
You have always been a valley girl. You love your kids.
You have given the family everything heart and soul..
You have two sisters one that is not married and one that is married~ the one that is married is to posh to speak with you on this and she tells you to leave him.
OK some of this I made up....I hope you know. But I can say I have walked in your shoes,,,,,,,,,,,I have been married for 17 years 4 kids and hes had an affair for 5 years..blamed myself for the reason why......
This is what I can share with you.. Find a church and a good friend who you can talk with about anything....Male or female as long as they are willing to be there through the long haul.
Organize your house. Make it the best place to live and be loved in..Not just for your kids but for your husband too.
Yes you can trust again~ but he has to be willing to earn it back it doesn't happen over night..If you really want it then he must earn it.
Be open to hear him~ Let everything that he did go~ For if you love him and I mean love him , you will focus on your family and putting the love you have into it and being positive parents and lovers together...Good luck to you.
2006-09-16 21:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by MissChatea 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He was wrong for doing what he did. Make it clear that if it ever happened again you will divorce him. From then on you will have to make a concerted effort not to throw it into his face everytime you argue. It is his job to help you with trust and he can do this by being where he says he is going to be and when. He must also give up the races and anything he did that provided him with the means to fool around in the first place. He should be willing to do this. It is going to take a long time for you to heal but it will happen if you really want it to.
2006-09-16 15:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by AVA 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you chose to stay in the marriage, then you have to not only forgive, but also forget. A marriage will not last if trust can not be found. Once you determine that you can stay in the marriage, you need to find out why he ended up at the bar and in bed with another woman. Find out what really sent him there and address that issue.
2006-09-16 17:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by 75160 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
in case you knew approximately as quickly as and have been shifting previous it then studying he did it two times shouldn't provide up you from therapeutic your marriage.I applaud you for wanting to circulate previous this on your marriage and circulate forward.the reality that divorce wasn't the 1st ingredient you jumped up and did shows you understand your vows in comparison to alot of folk.Your husband and each ones husbands do not cheat to harm their better halves or tutor something.In all honesty for women and adult males persons the two that's something they're lacking at homestead many times the different better half has had no thought in any respect it is how their better half feels.Your husband would understand you for not working to a legal expert and divorcing him.i will in hassle-free terms desire which you and him can stick it out mutually and you could forgive him for being a dumb as* solid success
2016-10-15 02:02:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said he chose to come back home and leave the other woman. Was he living with her? Also, with 5 kids, unless you are fabulously wealthy, why is he going to the races? Is he gambling? Does he drink alot? How much time is he really spending with the kids? Has he been doing this type of thing for awhile? Ask yourself these hard questions and see whether you want to invest your heartache and time trying to develop trust again or whether it would be better for all to let him go.
2006-09-16 15:46:51 · answer #7 · answered by watergirl54 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think its going to be easy. It will take time to regain the trust you had for him. If you feel in your heart that he will not do it again then stay. But remember if you are going to forgive him you really need to forgive him. But don't forget. Let him know that if this happen again then you will end the marriage. Don't stay in a unhappy marriage, if you do it will effect your children. Maybe take some time for each other.
2006-09-16 15:44:29 · answer #8 · answered by Letisha F 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok while im am not married yet and i have a boyfriend and i wish i owuld caught my man wit another woman i would just leave him 4 good and get a divorce and after da divorce is file and start back dating again and get wit someone that will wanted u 4 and u and ur kids and u cant trust him again cause he gonna 2 keeping on doing it if u let him and once a cheater always a cheater.
2006-09-16 15:41:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has got a lot of work to do in order for you to trust him again. it will take a long time if ever for him to regain your trust but you must work on it together. It is not worth throwing your marriage down the drain for 1 mistake. Think of your kids.
2006-09-16 15:42:40 · answer #10 · answered by robsnor 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋