Here's the situation. I have a friend who is married to a woman overseas. After marriage, he returned to the USA and started the visa policy and then started cheating on her with another woman. He moved the new woman in his home with her children, slept in the same bed. The woman eventually left him, moved out and took her kids, obviously. Now, even though he is married, he is cheating on his wife AGAIN with this woman, and put in a reversal to the visa process without telling his wife. She found out when she called the embassy for an update.
She is devastated and thinks that she has done something wrong for him to marry her, take her virginity, then come back home to the US and start mistreating her (Which she assumed was because he was in school and under a lot of stress)... then stop the visa proceedings.
Would you tell the wife about the other woman? It pains me to see her so hurt and blaming herself for what his jerk did to her.
Do you think telling her would HELP?
2006-09-16 14:42:16 · 20 answers · asked by Tree777 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should mention, she is VERY naive. I have tried to put the bug in her ear that it was a possibility, even told her the story about my own husband cheating on me and the signs. I think she just honestly still loves him so much that she doesn't want to see this.
If I turned him in to the INS he would get in trouble for this?
2006-09-16 14:53:47 · update #1
No no, I am sorry. She isn't IN This country... she is still in her country (and his country of origin).
The sad thing is, I haven't known her too long. He brought me into this as a friend to HIM to help her feel more at home when she DID come to the US. Now all of this is happening and I am stuck in the middle because she feels like she has no one else to talk to. Her father blames her for marrying him (He doesn't know about the cheating, just the INS thing)
2006-09-16 14:56:42 · update #2
I want to thank everyone for your kind answers and I wish I could vote for more than one. I was really at a moral crisis, and I believe your opinions and arguements on both sides have helped me come to a conclusion that I can live with.
Thank you again. You are all great!
2006-09-16 15:05:07 · update #3
First, for those posters who say you should let it go, especially if there is a 'rekindling', that's complete bs. This man doesn't respect this woman, she's in a new country, has no other family or friends and therefore no one to look out for her best interest (which should be her HUSBAND's job, but as you know, he's not fulfilling it). As tough as it is, you are a kind person and are falling into that role. Help this poor woman out. No one deserves to be treated like that. What if it was your mom or your sister?
It may not be your 'place' to tell her, but put yourself in her position. Wouldn't you hope that someone would tell you? She's being played the fool here and no one is stepping up to the plate so she can see what is truly going on. How sad. I would hope that someone would tell me the truth.
Tell her so she can leave him and move on with her life. The jerk needs a hard swift kick in the balls. (I just had to add that in, sorry. Men who cheat are the worst scum of the earth and they deserve what they get!)
2006-09-16 14:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by J B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guys is a jerk for not having the b@lls to end a relationship when he should have. She's suffered enough, as long as there is no hope for this relationship and she will move on, then leave it alone. If there seems to be some kind of rekindling by him, then you need to drop the axe.
By the way, women arent dumb, I'm sure feels the vibe of his infidelity, she's just choosing to ignore it.
2006-09-16 21:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe that honesty is the best way.God can handle ANY situation.I would think that the woman should know that her husband is a fraud,and should get out of that mess.The Lord will see her through it, I'm shure.God bless your friend, & may HE guide her through this mess, and God bless you for caring enough about her well being.
2006-09-16 21:55:02 · answer #3 · answered by pokeonut 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is commen and why these guys get married is beyond me. She should know so she can get on with her life. He obviously has. Shes wasting her life, and her time. Let her move on.
God Bless the military and may they learn to keep it in their pants.
2006-09-16 21:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case honesty is the best course of action. Go ahead and tell your friend so she can get on with her life and put this bad experience behind her.
2006-09-16 21:46:02 · answer #5 · answered by d b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Honesty is not always the best policy. We'd like to believe that. But the truth is sometimes we can't handle the truth. You know what to do. No one has to tell you.
2006-09-16 21:57:40 · answer #6 · answered by Twiggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her everything. It will help clarify a lot of things and she can start cursing the guy and move on with her life.
2006-09-16 21:46:20 · answer #7 · answered by Busy Diyosa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would absolutely tell her...and the government! This man is a predator of the worst kind; get his butt in trouble!
2006-09-16 21:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to see other's interfere, but if you know the facts and truth, and he is this big a dog, then tell if it is all true, he dosen't deserve her loyality.
2006-09-16 21:50:32 · answer #9 · answered by donjaun91 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think you should only tell her if you are in it for the long hall like really going to be her friend and be there for her if not then why bother
2006-09-16 21:53:19 · answer #10 · answered by murkymom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋