How can I get over my husband?

Question

I had an affair and things just arent getting better with me and my husband so we have separated but all i do is think about him i made a bad mistake but he cant forgive me what can i do hes all i think about?

he kind of knew but i admitted it to him because i truly do regret it.

Answer 1

Start with moving back in and go to counseling together. Make visible efforts to show that you value him and the relationship. You have broken his trust. He has to see that he can trust you again, and he has to see it for a period of time before he will believe it. He is also very hurt.
About counselors: be very careful of the counselor you choose. Shop around like you would for a car or other major investment. The first counselor my spouse and I went to advised divorce even though she knew we wanted our relationship to work and avoid divorce. The second counselor is working with us having told us that he definitely is a marriage counselor and not a divorce counselor. I advise reading this book, "Love life for every married couple" by Ed Wheat, M. D. and Gloria Okes Perkins. You have to take the initiative. Go to counseling by yourself if you must. Take action to save your marriage. Be warned, it may not be possible if your husband refuses to reconcile. You are not helpless. You can learn. Also in learning you will learn how to live without your husband if it comes to that. I learned that I am better with my spouse though I can live without my spouse. It is very unhealthy to think that you cannot live without your spouse. Pray. Live as God directs. You can be forgiven or are forgiven depending upon your relationship with God. There is hope. Work, practice and believe. Keep it up. You will endure.

Answer 2

Sorry to say there is nothing you can do. If he can't forgive you, it's over. Without forgiveness, it would never work anyway. The only thing you can do at this point, is to try to forgive yourself. It's difficult, I know, I've been there. Two years for me and I still can't forgive myself. I lost my husband to my own stupidity. I wake up thinking about my ex and go to bed thinking about my ex. It's a mistake I will live with for the rest of my life. I do hope that your husband just "may" soon forgive you and want to work things out. But be prepared for the worse, cause that's usually what happens in the end. Sorry, but you need to know.

Answer 3

Being seperated wasn't the answer. Your vows said "forsaking all others...". He's justified in not wanting to continue. However, it doesn't mean he can't forgive if he wanted to. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's having a really hard time. So, until you are actually divorced start pressing him. Don't give up until the ink is dry on your papers. If he is seeing someone during this time your chances will be slim in trying to repair the damage. Romance him. You know him best. Assure him that you have removed yourself from any contact w/the person u betrayed him with. If u can get him to agree to work on the marriage it will be a long road ahead for you but it will be worth it only if he can truly forgive you. Otherwise you might be better off just accepting that you gave this one away and lost.

Answer 4

Time is the only thing you have on your side at this point, I'm afraid. The more you try to make him forget, the worse it's going to get. I know it's the hardest thing you ever tired to do, but leave him alone for a little and let him sort out what he wants, and his next move. In all honesty, it might not be to reconcile with you, but you simply have no other choice right now. Best of Luck, and I hope it works out for you...we've ALL made mistakes!

Answer 5

I think its important to look at what store the receipt is from as well as what was purchased. It could give you clues as to whether he was skipping work to do something he shouldnt have been doing. If its something common, like groceries, maybe the time was wrong. Try and think back to when he purchased the item on the receipt. Perhaps its from a supply store and he had to pick something up for his office? If that doesnt help, I would call, or go to the store, and ask the cashiers if the time is usually right and i would enquire about the item that was purchased on the receipt. Once again, if its something minute, I wouldnt worry about. But obviously if its something that he shouldnt have been buying then you should certainly bring it up.

Answer 6

Its time for you to grow up and accept responsibility for your actions. You screwed up by having an affair. That was stupid and selfish. You broke the basic rule of marriage and destroyed the trust he had in you.

He is not going to get over it. He has every right to his feelings of betrayal. You need to let him go. He deserves someone better than you.

You need to learn a valuable lesson from this. Next time you are in a relationship remember to treat that person with the respect they deserve.

In order to get over your husband you must let go and move on with life. Find new friends (who don't know what you did) and join new interest groups. Go places where you know you will never bump into the ex and build a new life.

Answer 7

Oh, Lord...You don't "get over" a husband!!!

You are SUPPOSED to love him and your marriage is in jeopardy, so you are SUPPOSED to think about him!

You have already asked your husband for forgiveness, but have you asked God for forgiveness? You've also broken covenant with Him. Once God has forgiven you, HE can be the one to soften your husbands heart, AND give you the peace you need as well.

Repent, be prayerful and let go and let God. It may take time, but be patient and wait on the Lord.

Blessings to you!

Answer 8

well, start by apologizing... You messed up bad, and maybe things just aren't meant to be. If you had kids try to keep it peaceful. You made a mistake. It's something we all do in life... You're only human. Hopefully you'll find a way to get over him...


Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, Well, finally a woman that can admit to hurting her husband.
You`ll just have to rack it up as experience and take the consequences of your actions.
He probably will never forgive you and if he does he still will EVEN the score .Expect to be cheated on also .
It would be best to move on and let him find someone who will LOVE him completely .
Learn from this and never do it again..........

Answer 10

Give him time if he truly loves you he will come back, I left my wife because I was feeling unloved and unwanted and when I tried to come back she told me no, so I kind of know how you feel, but now the lord is teaching me I cannot make someone do something they do not want to do....they have to want to love you as much as you want to love them.