Am I truely a bad man for being honest to my wife about cheating on her with her sister?

Question

I'd like to appologize to all the women of the world and my wife, what i did was truely embarrassing and a truely low moment for me. Even though she dumped me and threw things at me I still love her and I know in her heart she loves me too. I want to become a better man, is there still hope for me? I see the error of my ways and let the alcohol get the best of me for one night. Please if you have nothing nice to say don't say it as I am getting bombarded with all these nasty posts and it hurts to know other people could be so cruel as we all are human and we all make mistakes.

Answer 1

you're not a bad man for being honest with your wife, you're a bad man for cheating on her. i don't ever think it's okay to cheat, and it seems that you don't either, which is good. because you feel such remorse, i think there may be hope for you. good luck.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and even more sorry that people are being mean to you.
We all make mistakes. In fact, in the Bible, Romans 3:23 says :
For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.
I think the first step towards your path to possible reconciliation would definitely be to change the behavior that got you into this mess in the first place! (no more drinking would be a GREAT place to start). As a woman, i know that when a man has done me wrong, I don't want lipservice. I want to SEE him change!
But you should also change because it's what's best FOR YOU as a person, not just for your wife! Or else if things don't go as planned, your efforts to change will lack motivation and fall apart. Have you spoken to anyone - perhaps a pastor regarding marital counseling? I don't know where you live, but may I suggest a Pentacostal / Apostolic Church in your area? They have great counseling and other services that could really help you.
It wouldn't hurt to get saved while you're at it.
Read Acts 2:38 and John 3:16. Click on the link below. It'll lead you to the website that my church set up to help people.

Answer 3

I don't know if you are telling the truth or not but if you are and you are really sorry for what you did, the only way it can be fixed is if your wife can forgive you or not. She is hurt right now so it may take some time.
The one thing you can do is make an agreement with your wife that you will never ever drink again unless she is with you.
You say that the alcohol was the cause, I don't think so it just helped you cross the line.
If their was problems in the marriage you need to be honest with your wife about it.
Get counseling if you want, if you think it might help. Don't blame the alcohol for your mistake all it did was give you the courage.
Most importantly give her some time to heal.

Answer 4

You can't post what you posted and expect anyone but other men in your situation to say anything nice. Really, did you expect any women to come on here and sympathize with you? I'm not going to be mean here, but come on. You know what you did was wrong.

If you are going to attempt to save your marriage, you two have to get into counseling right away. It may not work, but you will not have a successful marriage without it, guaranteed.

You know, you are sorry you did it because you hurt your wife and she left you. If you'd gotten away with it you wouldn't feel so badly. Alcohol is not a good excuse for cheating. It's a good excuse for someone doing something that they wanted to do sober, but didn't have the guts to.

Really, though, her sister is the real treat here. What a horrible person she must be to screw her sister's husband! The question is whether you seduced her, or she seduced you, or it was an equal opportunity screw up.

She will never trust you again, so you changing your ways will not make her come back. You may never cheat again, and it's a sad, hard lesson to have learned, but you should move on, as hard as it may be. The very foundation of a marriage is based on trust, and she doesn't trust you any longer. You need to start a fresh relationship in which you can learn to respect the woman enough, and apply the lesson you've learned here to your new relationship. Don't be surprised if what goes around ends up coming around. It's been known to happen and honestly, you deserve to know how it feels to be cheated on in such a horrible way. I mean, her SISTER??? Sheesh, that's low.

Answer 5

Well, although you made a horrible and hard-to-forget mistake, one essential bit to remember is that you were honest and didn't hide it.
I think it takes a strong, loyal, courageous person to be upfront about what has really happened. Obviously, if you told your wife the truth, you had/have no intentions of cheating ever again; you actually wanted for her to forgive and forget.
Now, since you were under the influence, you might have to give up the bottle for your wife. I can't promise that she'll actually want to take you back but I think that if you talk to her about marriage counseling and about you not drinking anymore, that possibly she will let this slide.
There is a 50/50 option of having a chance with your wife. You've hurt her to an extreme and after being cheated on (trust me I know) it's extremely hard to trust anyone and to make matters worse, it was with her blood, so she's probably frustrated, confused, upset, among other things.
The first step is confessing, you've done so. The second step is seeing the mistake of your ways, you've done so. Now, the third step is try to talk with and console your wife in this tough time, she's undoubtedly emotional at this point.
Best Wishes.

Answer 6

Sorry that ur hurting so much, but even with all your appologizing,, her hurt is a million times worse, not only does she feel she lost u, but she feels she lost her sister because her and her sisters relationship will NEVER be the same.. it was bad enough u cheated but so much worse because now her family life will never be the same for her.. and instead of letting by gones be by gones and getting over this.. every time she see's her sister at family functions she will always see in her mind her husband that is suppose to love her, and her sister that is suppose to love her having sex in her mind.. and ur right she probably still loves u, and she probably will for along time.. but the pain of what u've done.. will never go away.. not with all the appologies in the world.. life as she knew it just ended, and the core of her soul has been broken.. Unfortunately although ur taking blame, ur still blaming the alchol.. and unless u were out cold and she took advantage of you , alchol isnt the excuse.. and if people are being nasty and cruel, its because u did a nasty and cruel thing that is unexcusable, and u need to accept that as the consequence of your actions..

Answer 7

Well Bubba,

If you don't want people's honest thoughts and opinions then why are you here airing your dirty laundry? Did you really think anyone in their right mind would say something to make you feel better? Justified in your actions? If so, you came to the wrong place for that. We are all human and there is not a single person anywhere who hasn't done something they wish they hadn't. People are always quick to condemn and criticize someone elses mistakes while conveniently forgetting that they too are human. Obviously, what you did was wrong. Alcohol is not an excuse for what you've done. Take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming them on someone or something else. Otherwise, you are just fooling yourself and trying to gain sympathy and support from other people who, by the way, don't like being made to feel like fools. What happened between you, your wife and her sister should stay with the 3 of you. Don't get on a website and ask for acceptance and forgiveness. You won't hear anything you like.

Answer 8

You should think about it from her point of view. She has to remember this when she looks at you and looks at her sister. She will feel the tention when you, her sister and and her are around each other. I am sure she is really hurt by both parties. She may love you but love has nothing to do with trust. Trust has to be earned back. This may be too late for that. If it is then learn from it and know that its only concidered a mistake if you learn from it and dont do it again. I am not judging you just giving my two cents. I would ask your wife if you can work past it. If not then work on yourself. On the other hand if she wants to work it out she needs to put it behind because barrying the hatchit with the handle stickin out is not way to new beginnngs. Good luck

Answer 9

I've read some of the answers...you're right--people can be very cruel.

First let me say this: There is no such thing as a bad man--God created NOTHING bad. There are only bad actions--people who do bad things. No one is exempt from that, either. Nevertheless, many like to point fingers and throw stones at others who have enough courage to confess and admit their wrongdoing. Believe me, the ones who throw the most stones have probably done the most wrongs!

Telling the truth is ALWAYS a good thing. Nevertheless, be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions. Sometimes we are forgiven and given another chance (by the people we have offended), sometimes not. Either way, I hope you seek forgiveness from God by way of repentance. He's actually the one you've offended the most. He's also the one that WILL forgive and renew your heart.

You've apologized and expressed yourself to your wife. That's good, and I would advise you to give her/it time. Meanwhile, use your time positively. Invest time in yourself and work on YOU. Ask yourself some questions:

What is in my heart that gave me the desire to cheat?
What is in my heart that gives me the desire to drink?

Resolve your inner heart issues to correct the behavior...for God, yourself and all others around you. Also, be prepared for your wife in the event she decides to repair the marriage. Otherwise, you stand the chance of exhibiting more destructive behavior.

God bless!

Answer 10

You are a good man for being honest and being able to admit you were wrong and all I can add is if the two of you really love each other there may still be a chance but she will not trust you fully anymore and with that hanging down in your relationship Will you and her be fully Happy.. No. if you are really sincere with your feelings and guilt then you are a good person . you aren't the only man that has cheated , and you wont be the last. I feel since it was her sister that is what really hurt her the most.. and that I don't blame her ...you are good to admit but a bad Guy for doing her sister.

Answer 11

Wow a man that actually admits he's a dick head. You sound very sincere. However, you've hurt your wife so much, and she's in pain. She may forgive you someday, but never trust you ever again. Once the trust is gone, most marriages fail. I'm not being mean, or nasty, just telling the truth. Just think how your wife is going to feel at family gatherings too. Her sister will be there, how awkward is that ??? Give her time, it may take her forever. ~~