I can't get over my ex. What should i do?

Question

We were together for a little over a year and he left me due to us bickering too much. I ended up being too clingy towards the end because I knew he was about to leave, and this just drove him further away. The problem is, I think about him everyday, A LOT. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in a year! I'm still sad about it to the point of crying on a daily basis. I don't know what to do to move on. I'm busy with my own life, but I can't get him out of my head. I haven't even been able to date anyone else. Any advice? This is consuming my mind/life and making me sick.

And the thing is, I'm constantly busy - I'm in medical school. I live with family so I'm never alone. I always have things going on. But it's like everytime I get in my car and drive, or when I'm in the shower, etc. he's all I can think about.

And I think a big part of the damage is the fact that I'm only 22 and lost our baby the I was pregnant with. I feel I might be longing for what I almost had?

Answer 1

Love lost is terrible for anyone. Some people are able to move on in a relatively short time, others it takes a bit longer. Its so sad when you love someone so much that it leaves a huge hole in your life. It can totally consume some people, and I dont know if there is any easy answer. I wish there was some miracle cure for getting over someone you love because if there was, I would have done it a lot sooner than I did. We are all individuals, we all deal differently with pain, there is no one answer.

I know I am not much help, but the only thing that worked for me was time and positive thinking. When my marriage split up I never thought I could ever fall in love again..I though that was it for me. I thought I would feel miserable for the rest of my life. Not true. I went through stages of hating him, loving him and back again. I felt so sorry for myself. When I realised it wasnt my fault, I could move on. I started to see myself differently. I started to see myself as important and deserving of happiness. I was pulling myself down and the only person who could pull me up was myself. I started to think differently. I started to expect more from the people around me. In short I built up my self esteem, which for everyone is different. You need to build up your self esteem. You need to see yourself, as not the person who is grieving, but a person who has so much to offer someone....a loving, kind, generous person. You deserve it....we all deserve it.

This may sound very strange...but talk to yourself...tell yourself every day how important you are and that happiness could be just around the corner. Say positive things to yourself and when the negative ones come into your mind...push them away and tell yourself..."I refuse to be unhappy any more". Keep on feeding yourself all this positive information and you will find with time, that you will be able to get on with your life and I guarantee you will eventually find a man who will make you happy beyond your wildest dreams. You need to give yourself some hope by whatever means. Replace the negative with the positive...You can do it....Your mind is your own and you have total control over it if you choose to. You can stay down if you want to...thats your choice too....but staying down doesnt prove a thing, and you will never know what your full potential can be.

If it is too bad, then I suggest you go to your doctor...maybe some anti-depresants and counselling will help you find your personal power to get over this terrible time. You will get over it, but only if you start feeding your mind some positive information.

Good luck, you will get there, its a slow processes, but there is light at the end of the tunnel...you just have to look for that light.

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby...it really would make your situation worse. Maybe you really do need to seek out some professional help to allow you to deal with your grief and move on.

Answer 2

Hun, stop crying over a little boy stuck in a mans body, cause if he left u so easily especially after u lost his child then he would of left u down the road and it could of been much much worse, u should be thanking ur lucky stars and trust me u will some day , u'll see that ur wasting ur time and energy on a man that doesnt deserve it.. Hun as much as your hurting, all things happen for a reason in life, and see this as a second chance, because im going to tell you how i think ur life would of went and id be willing to bet im right.. You would of had his baby, he may of even married u , not because he loved u like a man should love his wife, for eternity, but he would of done it because he thought it was the right thing to do, but he would of resented u and the baby for not living his life the way he wanted to (Single) so after a couple of years he would of started making you miserable, and u would of loved him through it all, but it wouldnt of mattered to him, he would eventually start looking at other women to a point he'd either divorce u wanting to be single again, or he would of cheated on you.. then eventually left you, or u leaving him after u found about it.. being crushed emotionally and scarred and that would of lasted for years if not for the rest of your life, u would of found urself as a single mother with a man that probably would of hardly seen his child, and probably never paid child support .. causing u more grief and hardship..and u would find urself wishing u could go back in time and never of met him for all the grief he's caused u , and how ur life would of been different had u never met him..and although u would of loved ur child and probably of been a great mother, your heart would of been crushed wishing u could of given them the best of everything but instead ur struggling just to make the rent and elec bill.. and it would tear ur heart out every time your child cried for a daddy that didnt want anything to do with them.. and knowing u cant do anything to make that pain go away.. These are all VERY REAL acts of Little boys trapped in Mens bodies.. and your man left u when u needed him the most if he REALLY LOVED U.. he would still be with u .. but he's not, hes not the one for u.. god has given u a second chance not to feel the MAJOR heartache u would of felt if he had stuck around alittle longer .. Count your blessings, because if your smart , and picky about the men u choose in ur life..and learn from mistakes u've made.. the "real man" of your dreams is still out there, searching for u, and the love u "THINK" u feel for this guy now, will seem like Nothing compared to the Love u'll feel for him, and the thing is, He'll love u just as much as u love him.. and never leave u when u need him the most.. this man ur crying about now doesnt deserve ur tears..

Answer 3

You haven't spoken to him in a year and you're still crying on a daily basis?
Sweetheart, I say this in the nicest way possible; you need to seem someone.
I suggest counseling because you need to speak with someone that can help you get onto a better level then you're standing at right now. A counselor would be suitable for you because then you'll have someone who actually is paid to listen, so you can tell them exactly how your feeling for hours.
Also, you need to find things you can do for yourself. Start pampering yourself and hanging out with friends, going out and doing things, going to clubs and parties, and just enjoying life.

Answer 4

Go out with friends. Get another boyfriend. Keep your mind off of him! But if you are so upset and that doesn't work, try getting in contact with him. Talking to him should help considerably, it may even answer a lot of unanswered questions you may have. Hope it helps!

Answer 5

I had this problem about 6 years ago. You need to just start going out and forcing yourself to move on. Also, you need to talk to someone whether it is a friend or a counselor.

Answer 6

GIRL...he's not worth it! Think about all his flaus. Start dating someone new, get on a dating site. he's not worth it, your only 22. He doesn't know what he's missing! Forget about him!
Yelixa

Answer 7

I'm sorry, this is rough I know. You know it's good you are aware that you are kinda "stuck." I would consider talking to a therapist, a psychologist would be best.

Answer 8

get a puppy and move on. if Romeo hasn't given you the time of day in a YEAR, why are you still longing for him? he doesn't want you. accept it and find some fresh meat. btw, what are you doing friday night?

Answer 9

You need to get professional help. You can't do this on your own. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to learn to move on. I mean if he truly wanted to work it out he would have tried harder too.